He's the Rational One

I have been mentally overwhelmed recently.
With work at a steady lull and the never-ending gray weather, I was craving something that sparks my creativity and mental capacity, and boy did I get it!

Between our two home's renovations (which will forever be a weird thing to say) all of a sudden I felt this urge to start making decision on all the little details all at once.

I like to call it being efficient.

In my head (which is a hot mess right now) I figured if I could make decisions for all the paint and all the fixtures right this very second,  I could order everything all at once and only have to make one trip to Home Depot, and/or receive shipments from Amazon and be done with it.

But then I kept second guessing myself...because anyone that has ever done a home renovation project knows that certain things look different in person and tend to change colors once they are actually in the place they will go....and not online or in a store.

So then I'm internally battling with my brain like...YO BITCH...STOP TRYING TO FIGURE EVERYTHING OUT....YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE YOURSELF A PANIC ATTACK AGAIN...DON'T YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING FROM IVF?

And then I went to Orangetheory and the class is so draining that it's basically impossible to think about anything else except for not passing out on the treadmill.

Which is a welcome brain break.
Yes, I basically need to overwhelm my body so much that my brain literally shuts off and focuses on not dying.

So anyways....I get home and immediately jump into the hot-tub where Mark resides because I'm tired and sweaty and my legs are all jiggly (driving home was a breeze).

I'm overwhelmed and I can't shut off my brain, I blurt out.

I am talking a mile a minute which is exactly how my brain is working and I finally look up and Mark is staring at me wide-eyed...which is hilarious because it's not like this doesn't happen on a weekly basis.

He should know by now.

He reassures me of two things.
1. The rental property isn't going to be completed overnight. I don't need to make all the finish decisions all at once and YES he will make sure to inform me when they are happening and not just pick any old thing because he knows I will be pissed at him for not letting me decide.

2. We are completely fine to keep using the upstairs bathroom as our main bathroom for as long as it takes until I am finished with the downstairs renovation in our current home. I kept having major guilt that I was basically changing up our whole routine but it turns out that concern was only affecting me.

Mark reminded me that rushing through the renovation will take all the fun out of it, which is completely true. Plus, you make more mistakes that way.

The silly thing is I know all of this but sometimes it helps to be reminded about it when your brain won't stop jumbling things together. If anyone needs help understanding what anxiety feels like...that last sentence is it. Instead of having a series of logical thoughts, you basically get throat punched by all your thoughts at once and they are fighting for front-line attention.

It's super fun and not at all exhausting.

Switching gears, (you need to keep up with my brain, after all) this morning was a three-ring circus complete with a series of tiny mishaps.

This included making myself late because I insisted on vacuuming before leaving the house because I was sneezing a ton and convinced myself there is too much cat hair upstairs, leaving my hair curlers in too long (from the vacuuming) that resulted in super puffy poodle-ish hair, spilling coffee down my shirt while driving, getting caught by an enormously long freight train, slipping on ice getting out of the car, and the best part...leaving my phone at home.

I called Mark from my work phone and updated him on the tiny catastrophe that was my morning, and being the saint he is...he offered to stop by the house and bring me my phone.

Which got me thinking, AGAIN, that maybe I should back away from social media a bit.
Which is like...exactly what you shouldn't do if you want to be taken seriously as a blogger.
But you know what? Blogging isn't my source of income. It's a fun hobby.

My brain is already super overwhelmed most days....is this just adding to my stress?

I blog to blog because I like it.
I started blogging more often and more chaotically because that is how I actually work.
I don't necessarily have it in me to plan out a lot of things. I am rather impulsive and therefore decided my writing should be too.

It's more ME that way.
Does it make it better or funnier?
Maybe...depending on who you ask.

Well, that's enough rambling for today.

And to think, this post makes him look like the rational one. :)

Thanks for putting up with the nonsense. XO