I. Am. Free.

Hey there!
As you have obviously noticed, blogging is taking more and more of a back-seat in my life these days. I can honestly say I'm not upset about it, though. When I started writing in 2012, I needed an outlet because I didn't have many people to lean on (read: zero) that understood what I was going through with infertility, trouble trying to conceive, finding my footing in the corporate world, and, most importantly, finding MYSELF along the way.

And look how far I've come in those six years!!
My gosh....it's been so, so good.
All of it.

And it really does take an extremely healthy mindset to believe that all of those really shitty, tough times actually HELPED me. But I can assure you they have.

Not once in my entire life have I ever looked back on a trying period with anger and resentment.
And I truly mean that.
I have taken everything I have ever walked through and pulled out the most important, most influential pieces and weaved them into my soul.

I can do hard things, my friends.
And keep doing them.

Life isn't supposed to be handed to me on a silver spoon.
It was never supposed to be about forging the path of least resistance.
It's not supposed to be ridiculously easy.

It's supposed to be worth it to put all the hard work in. All the mental anguish, all the tears, all the adjusted sails, all the beautifully broken times.
I'm a more dynamic, empathetic person because of it.

No, we obviously didn't smash every goal we set out to accomplish. (who does, really?)
We didn't become parents because we stuck to our own personal limits to make that path work, and have fully embraced this new lifestyle.

And guys....it's FREEING.
I feel unstoppable these days.

And you know how I'm getting to this amazing mental state?

Well, it's a lot of things, actually, but the biggest one is:
I STOPPED COMPARING MY LIFE TO OTHERS.
In like....every way, shape, or form.

It's so good to stop looking over the fence-line, hypothetically.

I feel so damn amazing in my own shoes, on my own path, in my own way, with my husband and our pets by our side, under the roof of our home we work so hard for.
I feel like we are a force to be reckoned with.

I am trying my hardest to spread the good vibes as far and as wide as I can throw them. I hope you have felt the same pride radiate from me into your beautiful souls as well.
I want you to feel as good as I do.

Life is so crazy, right?
Some moments it's so incredibly hard and trying and exhausting, and some moments make you want to shout from the rooftops with excitement and joy!

Embrace all of it.
Seriously....the good isn't good without the bad.
We are the makers of our own destiny's.
We are only able to go as far in life as we want to push ourselves.
We are our own worst critics.

It's not about the perfect life.
It's about the one that you are most proud of.

Anyways, hopping off my soapbox quickly.

I'll be on here every so often, but I can guarantee if you want to be more immersed in my daily life, you'll need to hop over to Instagram and follow along there.

I have paired down my social media outlets because I find it incredibly annoying to hop between a bunch of sites all the time. I big puffy heart Instagram these days so you'll find all the funny, crazy, happy, inspiring and trying times over there, in real time.

Just click this link HERE and give me a follow. It's so much more fun, I promise. :)
Until next time, see you on the Gram!! XO

Appreciative Affirmation Monday

That is quite the mouth-full, don't you think? :)

But, I was thinking a bit this morning while I was struggling to get out the door on time.
Monday's are tough. I don't care who you are or what you're doing.
There is something disorienting about the transition from the chaos of the weekend to the chaos of work-week, the lack of structure to total structure, fun vs. chores...and everything in between.

So while I was relatively annoyed with daylight savings and the fact that I am now waking up in the pitch dark again, I slowly came to the realization that...perhaps...with a bit of tweaking to my thinking, I could change my perspective and feel better overall.

And so started what I am calling Appreciative Affirmation Monday.

The goal is to affirm one simple phrase that shows a little appreciation, or gratitude, to yourself.

I am a firm believer that giving ourselves a little more grace during the less than stellar Monday hustle can help exude more happiness in our day and set the tone for a better week.
Or at the very least, give ourselves a tiny pep talk for more confidence.

However you want to interpret it, it can't be bad.

It's so very simple, and I hope if you spend the few moments to read this post, or follow my stories on Instagram, then you will take another few seconds to reach out, comment below, or email me to interact.

I mentioned on Instagram, that I was appreciative that I took the time to search out a really good concealer since I was overly exhausted this morning, and that concealer hides the dark circles so well.

My appreciative affirmation for this post, is this:

I appreciate that I found the motivation to make my lunches for the week, giving me one less thing to stress out about each day.

See? So simple and yet, so reassuring that the little things in life can make a big difference.

So tell me, what's yours? Comment below, email me directly if it's too personal, or direct message me on Instagram. I wanna know what you appreciate about yourself!!

Spread the self love, my dears, and have a great rest of the day! XO

Key Largo

...5 days, 4 nights, free airfare, rental car, and hotel, 6 cities and 600 miles driven in between.

We had not been on an actual leave-the-state vacation since May 2013.

Every time we vacation, we go to South Beach, Miami.

Then we moved to our forever home in early Fall 2013, and infertility consumed our lives until the tail end of 2017. 

During those trying years, we vowed that if it wasn't in the cards to have a child after all our hard work, we would pack up and use all the points we racked up on that damned credit to take a vacation.

So that's what we did.

In the last five years, we charged every single thing we could (and then immediately paid it off), including all of our fertility treatments, to our credit card.

That's over $100,000 in bills....to get the amenities of our vacation for "free."  

I list how many points, aka, dollars we spent for all of the free stuff in case you're looking for a good deal.

So our vacation was the price tag of whatever we purchased while in Florida, which ended up totaling roughly $1,300, or $260 per day for 5 days.

Here is what we did!

Day 1: 

We flew into Ft. Myers (155 CC points) and picked up our rental car (188 CC points). I had reserved an intermediate sedan with unlimited mileage as I knew we would be driving a lot. When we got there, we immediately regretted our decision for such a small car and I ended up haggling with the guy at Alamo to give us something better. We ended up driving away in a no-frills, 4-banger, missing an antenna, Jeep Compass. 

Not our finest moment, but we made it work.

We drove an hour to Ft. Myers Beach where a good friend of ours lives. 

Mark was reunited with his bromance and we ate fish tacos at Junakoo right on the ocean. 

We drank far too much the first day, the second day...Hell all the days. That's what vacation is for right?

Day 2: 

The next morning we said our good-byes and drove 165 miles through the Everglades to Key Largo, where we saved a box turtle from the road.

But first, we stocked up on essentials at a local Publix in Homestead. 

The next 3 nights we stayed at a Dive Resort called Amy Slate's (626 CC points). The Keys are incredibly expensive, but rooms seemed a lot more sensible in Key Largo vs. Key West.

At check-in, they gave us an upgraded apartment with more space, but when I say this place is no-frills..I mean it. I had to keep reminding myself that it was just a place to sleep and shower. Keep your standards low if you stay here. The beauty is on the OUTSIDE of this place, not the interior.

We ended the night with a sunset boat cruise and some beers on the small shoreline along the Gulf of Mexico.

Fun fact: There are NO beaches in the Keys. None. Zero. Zilch. What little beachfront there is doesn't have direct access to the ocean like the main state of Florida does. We had no idea!

The area has very little internet and phone access as well as they are still re-building from Hurricane Irma. It was a nice change of pace to not be glued to our phones. 

Day 3: 

We packed the essentials and drove 100 miles to Key West. The locals are mostly retired, so even though the speed limit was 55 at times, I don't ever believe we broke 45mph. Give yourself 2.5 hours to get to Key West from Key Largo if you are driving during the day.

Key West is a very walkable town with a lot of good bars, local music, and boat scenery.

We watched large pelicans swim over extra-large Tarpon fish by the charter boats, mingled with a cruise ship full of Ohio State people at Sloppy Joe's Bar, and watched an incredibly kick-ass NOLA band at Green Parrot.

The night ended with dinner at Salute and a rather quick driver home, as it was after 9pm.

You will save even more money if the bartender forgets to charge you for drinks. That happened to us at Green Parrot. We didn't even realize it until the next day!

Side note: My hair is always fabulous in the Southern heat. I didn't use any sort of hair tools while I was there and I will NEVER complain about that!!

The overall verdict about the Keys is that....we aren't really Keys people. It's still an incredibly beautiful area and we were happy to explore, but without a desire to dive or fish, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot more to do besides eat and drink. 

We are beachfront people with more of a Miami-flare...so that is exactly where we headed the next day.

Day 4:

We packed up after a quick breakfast in our apartment and headed to Key Biscayne to explore. We landed at our first beach in Bill Baggs Cape Florida State Park. They have a beautiful light house and we got a chance to see some power boats, a blimp, and some beautiful scenery along the water.

Key Biscayne has a lot of local raccoons, and I ended up feeding them some chips on our way out.

They were surprisingly domestic which was hilarious to us!

We toured all the local real estate in Key Biscayne. There was a completely run-down property for sale for a measly $8.5M so we figured we should start saving now to be able to afford a tiny home by the year 3078.

We made our way back up to South Beach where we ended our day.

The beach, the scenery, the bars...all so familiar and fun!

Mark lost his debit card along the way so you know it was a good time.

Day 5:

Our last day of vacation! After driving over 550 miles at this point, we slowed way down and soaked in every second we had left.

Breakfast was at the famous Mrs. Mac's Kitchen in Key Largo. They did NOT disappoint! Snow crab, eggs, mimosa's and key lime pie, of course!  I highly recommend!

We headed back up to the top of Key Biscayne and landed at a public beach called Virginia Key.

The water was shallow and warm, with plenty of locals (and puppies!) along side of us.

We brought our speaker and jammed to tunes for the reminder of the day, tanning and drinking beers.

The last day was by far our favorite. 

We headed to the airport at MIA Saturday evening to drop off our rental and take our AA flight home (275 CC points). My backpack held us up for a bit of time while security dug through it because I accidentally jammed a bunch of water bottles in it without thinking (because of the booze).

All in all, we had a truly fabulous time. Escaping the Chicago cold in February may easily become a yearly tradition moving forward! We talked about Ft. Lauderdale and areas more north the next time!

Thank you for following along!! XO

This Week

...I traded squeaky clean hair for another 20 minutes of play with my pup. On a never-ending quest these days to spend more time in-the-moment and less time multi-tasking, I pressed pause at one of my favorite daily routines that makes me immensely happy. I will take all the extra time with that fat sausage I can get.

...I started a Gratitude Journal. One small $5 splurge for a cute notebook and gold pen have inspired a quick re-cap of all the little things that went RIGHT and made me HAPPY that day. There is gratitude to be had with even the trying moments (HELLO hour-long commute in the snow...but HELL YES to more inspirational podcast time) and I am diligently working to change my perspective.

...my progesterone is high, which means I am eating and peeing at an alarming pace. (thank you, infertility, for shedding light on the different phases of my menstrual cycle and lovely hormones to follow)

...I pushed myself in the gym and therefore am making more time outside the gym to stretch and give myself grace. My muscles ache and my stomach is rumbling, so I am literally and figuratively feeding both. Extra stretching, Epsom salt soaks, and clean eating are the way to my heart each day.

...I am reveling in my capable hands and swift knack for budgeting to get us through the final hurdle to some home and financial projects. Stress comes in swiftly but I keep re-focusing my attention to one step at a time, instead of all-at-once.

...I made a few on-the-rocks pina-colada's and it reminded me just how much fun summer is, and that our little getaway is just around the corner.

...I did our taxes. Although the IRS needs to get their shit together so I can actually file, they are done, and soon our credit card debt will be a thing of the past. Cue a sigh of relief (and maybe another pina?)

...we had more sunlight than past weeks, and I took a billion of sunrise photos out of sheer excitement.

...I took time for myself to change my perspective with how my current season of life is going. Instead of constantly longing for the bigger-better thing, I need to really start appreciating how good things are now. Sometimes it's easier said than done, but we really have come a long way with our home lives and careers, and these really are the good-old-days that I'll look back on with a warm-rosy glow, right?

...I became a YouTube vlogger!! (video-blogger). There are currently two episodes up. The first one was linked in my last post, and below is the second!  Please feel free to comment, interact, subscribe, ..whatever you feel like doing! This platform is meant for you to get my real emotions and thoughts on these subjects like infertility and happiness, and in turn, you should know I would LOVE to hear your thoughts and opinions too! My goal is to create community with these posts and I think this is an excellent way to do so!


...and finally, I braved the first major winter snow storm this year, headed into the office and brought Burn!! You have no idea what having him around does for my happiness!!

What made you happy this week? Anything inspire you?
Cheers to the freakin' weekend! XO

On My Heart

I'm feeling a little sassy this Monday morning, so I'm going to speak frankly about some stuff that has been on my heart recently.

1. Money
Money has always been a sort of taboo subject for me. As someone that has always been very submersed in the corporate world, it's one of those subjects, like politics and religion, that you just don't talk about. And I'm not here to spill what my salary is or anything, because to be honest?

I'm not proud of it, in the way you might think. (no, I'm not turning tricks....)

I mean, yes, I am proud of all the ladder-climbing I did, jumping hurdles like women-oppression and man-splaining along the way. And I guess I landed "on top" and made good use of that four-year degree I got.

But in all honesty, it's not fulfilling. It never has been and it never will be. I don't ever speak about my latest work endeavors with any enthusiasm. When people ask what I do for a living, I respond HR and change the subject. I am living this career-life because it pays me well enough to afford things most people couldn't even dream of. And for that I am grateful.

However, there has got to be a more fulfilling path that doesn't knock me on my ass every Monday.
I'm all for putting in an honest days work, so I'll be exploring different avenues in this new chapter of life. And maybe that path leads to less income.

That is a very scary statement to me. I was always raised to follow the 40 hour work-week, salaried role of every other working professional, but sometimes I just feel like I'm grasping at straws to stay afloat.

Is it just me? Or maybe it's just this time of year?
I don't know. Maybe my crazy meds need to be adjusted.

I have always found comfort knowing that if I just work a little harder, keep my chin up, I'll make more money and in-turn will have greater financial stability and a better lifestyle....but holy crap does that rat race get old sometimes! The burn-out is real and I just can't imagine doing this for another 30 fucking years. Who decided the retirement age again?!

Especially when I constantly just feel like a professional babysitter, or talked down to like I couldn't possibly know what I'm doing because I'm a WOMAN.

Which leads me to....

2. Oprah
Honey, did you see her speech? Bra-fucking-vo. Here it is if you missed it.


It certainly is a great time to be alive, isn't it? Granted, sometimes Oprah gets on my ever-last nerve, with her constantly shouting about BREAD and shit, but THIS....this is inspiring and epic.
It led me to sign up for volunteer efforts at our local Women's March chapter in Chicago, so we'll see how that pans out in the coming months. Maybe that shit will bring some much-needed change in my life.
3. Therapy  So now that I have different (non-IVF insurance) this year, the therapist I was seeing in 2017 is out of network. I was going every other week and I really like her.  But every time I see her I now need to shell out $100.
My inner dialogue is this:
Part of me says keep going. She is doing really great things for me and I know it's good for my soul to talk about issues and work towards new goals since we are not doing fertility treatments anymore. Navigating this weird new world is hard and people like her should make it easier, which she does. Plus, she is helping shape my spiritual side and that can only be a plus.
The other part of me is a cheap-skate and is like....$100 for an hour?! Are you crazy?! How can you pay a couple hundred dollars each month just to have someone tell you you aren't broken?
Sigh....I'm trying to throw this in as a catch-all in the "self-care" bucket, along with my expensive Orangetheory membership. Both are testing my limits in different ways. What's good for the mind and body can only benefit me, right?
This issue brings me back to item #1....money. I have to keep chugging along in the corporate world to afford this type of self care. And so continues the annoying circle of life.
No need trying to find remedies...this is more just my brain purging since I think I only got 2 hours of sleep last night, my husband is finally recovering from his second man-flu, and there is still snow on the ground.
Thanks for reading!! XO

Say Yes and You'll Figure it out Later - From Infertility to Adoption, Please Meet Mary Beth

Saying NO MORE to fertility treatments and closing the door to children sparked this overwhelming need to push different alternatives to the spotlight. I have a voice and I am stubborn as Hell, so why not use those gifts to bring awareness? 

I am a firm believer that the term FAMILY comes in all different shapes and sizes, and I will continue to speak out about those topics that I am passionate about.

That being said, I wanted to introduce you to a dear friend of mine, Mary Beth. I met this fabulous woman and her family about a year ago as they eagerly awaited the arrival of Jude, their fourth adopted baby. She graciously said yes to sharing her story on this blog, and I urge you to read her interview from top to bottom.

So grab some coffee (or a cocktail) and settle in. You're gonna want to read this until the very end.

Without further ado.....Please meet Mary Beth!

Q: I only gather the cream of the crop to add to my tribe of friends. Please share what makes you and your hubby so awesome?!

A: It is an absolute honor to be featured on Forever Orchard. I am a faithful reader, fellow infertile, and have found a lot of comfort in this tribe of women who just understand. Josh and I have been married almost 8 years and have five sweet babies.

Our family is built through adoption.

Adoption has always been a part of our ‘Plan A’. Although, we just assumed it would be a mix of genetics and adoptions. My body has always refused to hold my babies inside (thank you massive fibroid tumors) and along the way, we ran into a young girl who needed a family for her baby and we said YES instantly. The last 6 years has been a series of giant yeses that have built our family and changed my husband and I forever.

Q: Where did you meet? Was it love at first sight? Spill your love story...

A: We met on eHarmony, even though we have lied for YEARS, telling people we met on a blind date. We were matched on March 9, 2009 and started talking via emails and phone calls until we officially went on our first date on March 20th.

I LOVED him instantly.

I had absolutely no chill about that (even though I thought I was trying) so much so that his sister named me bee’s knees because she said I thought he was the bee’s knees. Truth - I still do. He is one of my favorite humans ever and I can’t get enough of him.

On our very first date, I told him that birthing babies was likely not in my future and I asked him grilled him about his views on adoption. He was all in and I adored him for that. I can be an intense person (clearly, if I was casually mentioning my infertility on our first date), but he seemed to be able to roll with it and loved me for it.

We had the most intensely passionate dating relationship. It was an absolute whirlwind and 7 months later he dropped to his knee and asked me to marry him. In true Mary Beth form, I grabbed the ring out of his hand and shoved it on my finger never even acknowledging his question. I wanted to be his wife, end of story. We basically ran to the altar and got married one day before our 1 year dating anniversary on March 19, 2010.  

Q: Did you always want to be a mom? Or did something spark this epiphany?

A: I was the little girl who would snap her bike helmet around her waist and pull her shirt down over it to see what I would look like pregnant. I wanted babies. ALL THE BABIES.

So let the baby making begin! Once we were married I threw all my energy into figuring out how to make my body work. I ordered all the books, interviewed a dozen doctors, and tracked my temperature/ovulation like a pro. At that point, I had about a dozen major surgeries already to remove massive fibroid tumors.

I wanted to be a mom so badly that I literally fantasized about finding a baby on the side of the road.

Every single day that my arms were empty felt like another nail in the coffin of my infertility.  After our first miscarriage, I started seeing an infertility specialist I trusted and just knew would be the answer to our problems.  

Q: Trying to become a mom isn't always easy. Please share some of the hurdles you overcame prior to considering adoption.

A: As mentioned before, I had several surgeries leading up to trying to start a family that led us to believe this would be difficult. Each of my children’s births and adoptions were also marked with more battling to keep my reproductive organs intact while also building my family through adoption.

I would endure a round of IVF and adopt a baby, rinse and repeat...I think I always knew in my heart pregnancy wasn’t going to happen for me, but I had to do everything in my power to say “we tried” and “I can live with myself knowing I did my best.”

But it was absolute bullshit. I hated every minute of IVF and the emotional rollercoaster that it was. I was an angry, sweaty, fatter-by-the-minute, hot mess. I found myself getting more and more frustrated with my life and my people, and I knew it was time to stop.

But, because I am not a quitter, I plowed ahead until my doctor scheduled an appointment with me and had me meet him in his office...but this time was different.  It wasn’t in one of the normal exam or ultrasound rooms. I walked back to his office like it was a death march.

It was.

With tears in his eyes, he told us that we had reached our limit and that he would be considered a bad doctor to keep taking our money with absolutely no hope that any of our perfect little embryos would stick. He was so kind. 

If I’m being perfectly honest, I was relieved. No more needles. No more 6 am appointments. Stick a fork in me, I am DONE. I cried for a straight 24 hours, but it was a mixed bag of grief and relief. 

It was the permission I needed to be done stabbing myself for something I knew in my heart wasn’t meant to be, while at the same time the invitation to freely love my life again and the beautiful babies I already had in my arms. 

I was given permission to unleash a whole new version of ME that I had never really had to give because I was always living in the vortex of trying to conceive.

Within a few months, the bleeding was so severe that I scheduled a hysterectomy and forever closed the door to giving birth. I felt the same sense of grief and relief when I woke up from my 5 hour surgery. The insanity was officially over.

Q: Did you always know you would end up adopting? Please tell us the highs and lows in choosing this path.

A: I have two adopted brothers so I have literally always known this would be a part of my future. I felt urgently that I had to be a part of the solution to children who needed a home and a loving mom. I am so thankful now that God gave me that passion because I am well aware that without it I wouldn’t have ever been a mother.

The road to adoption is so similar to infertility treatments.

So much is out of your control.

You have no idea what will happen. But you also know in your gut that if you can just muster up the courage to see it through, it will be the biggest blessing in your whole life.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that it hurts so deeply that I didn’t get to know my children inside of me or feel them moving for the first time. There will always be a sense of loss for me around that even though I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything. I missed a lot of firsts with them.  They all came to us as newborns, but there are a lot of firsts adoptive parents just don’t get to experience.

One of the greatest joys to me, though, is that these little ones are exactly who God made for me. I know without a doubt that this was meant to be and that I was always and forever meant to be these children's mother.

That is so incredible that I get chills up and down my spine when I think about it.

Love makes a family and I believe that down to my toes.

Q: Would you please share your biggest joys about each of your children?

A: Hannah is almost 6 and is an absolute delight. She has a silly sense of humor and is smart as a whip. She loves to draw, bake, and play with her siblings. She is gentle, sweet and so caring. She loves ballet and singing along to Hamilton (which she begs me to take her to see every single day).

Eden is 3.5 and is SO. STRONG. WILLED. She is spicy and sassy and SO beautiful, it’s dangerous. She loves playing with dolls and is our little foodie who regularly eats what we are having, instead of the kid food that you would assume she’d want. She loves animals more than humans and can often be found outside in the yard with her puppy, Abbey. She is currently in ballet, but will for sure move on to hip hop as she can shake it like nobody's business.

She is the kind of kid who looks me up and down, head to toe, and says, “I can take you.”

And she can.

Gabriel is our adopted son who passed away at 34 weeks in utero. He was perfect and I cannot believe I don’t have him here with me. I got to hold him and name him and talk to him for about an hour after he was born and he has been with me every single second since then.

He is my gentle feather and I know without a doubt he watches over us and knows how much we loved him and wanted him.

I never imagined after all the loss we suffered, that we would ever bury a child. His life has profoundly changed me and he will always be my boy I cannot wait to meet again.

Jude is 9 months old and he is a total rainbow after the storm. He is easy going, silly and loves to laugh. He loves food and his sisters and crawls around like he owns the place (HE DOES). He is bright eyed, charismatic and he has brought us such immeasurable joy we cannot imagine life without him.

AND  BABY GIRL is coming in January!  

Q: You and Josh are seasoned veterans at this point, eagerly awaiting your 5th earth-side arrival early 2018. Please tell us how this last one came about and did anything throw you for a loop?

A: OH mylanta. The party don’t stop at our house!

A few months ago, Josh and I were having a hypothetical conversation about what we would do if any of our kids’ biological mothers had a baby and asked us to consider adopting a sibling. Anyone who would ask us about our family having more kids would get the standard answer,

“We are done pursuing adoption, but if God dropped a situation in our laps, we would never say no.”

I think we were both secretly hoping that the train didn’t stop at the three living kids we had to hold and love, but we knew we were also a pair of lucky jerks who were living out a dream come true.

We ended the hypothetical conversation by saying, “HELL YEAH we would never say no to that!”

Right along par with our love for the unexpected plot twist, that very situation presented itself the next day.

Jude’s birth mom was expecting and wanted to know if we would consider adopting his biological sister. Duh. Without an extra penny to our names and no real idea of just how we would make this happen, we said yes and have never looked back.

To quote Tina Fey, just “say yes and you’ll figure it out later” which is exactly what we are doing.

Q: Adoption, like fertility treatments, is both mentally and financially draining. How have you coped and how has the community gotten involved?

A: Mentally, we are still a mess. HA!

We are still wrapping our brains around having babies that are 10 months apart. It’s like twins, but one is almost walking….so we are pretty much just getting really comfortable with the idea that we may never sit down for the next 5 years. But we are honestly and truly so profoundly honored that we get to parent another little one, and the joy that I know she will bring our family moves me to tears.

I don’t know that I will ever be able to just pop into Costco again, but who cares?!

I get to have another baby!

Financially, it has been a hit for sure. Adoption is extremely expensive, much like infertility treatments, and there aren’t punch cards for being frequent flyers. Our friends and family have rallied around us in ways I never even imagined, donating to our tax deductible foundation and finding ways to take what they have and turning it into so much more for our family.

It has blown our minds that people are so behind us that they will sacrifice to help bring this little girl home.

Q: As a former infertility warrior, backed by a tribe of like-minded women, how can we help your cause?

A: Bottom line for me, your thoughts and prayers mean more to me than anything. This is one of the biggest tests for me emotionally and physically and I just want to do it with grace. I don’t for one second take it for granted that after all my pain and struggles, I still get the title of MOM and I want to honor that by being the best I can be.

When we were waiting for our Jude after losing Gabriel, I bought a candle at the dollar store to light for Saint Jude. He is the Patron Saint of Lost Causes. We had picked out the name forever ago, but something about the way that St. Jude looked on that candle brought me hope and sparked some real joy in me for the first time in a long time. I would light that candle anytime I was feeling discouraged or sad as I waited for my living son. When Jude was born, I felt the pieces of my heart start to mend and I started to feel wholeness again after enduring so much loss.

I know many of you are in the same boat. Our stories don’t share the same details, but they do share the same sentiment. We have worked our asses off for something we never imagined could or should be this hard.

After sharing this with a friend, Etsy shop owner of Leland’s Corner, she created a bracelet in honor of all of our lost causes.

This bracelet is a reminder not to give up on yourself or your dreams.

They matter and sometimes we just need a reminder to keep our eye on the prize as we endure through the pain.

You can buy the St. Jude (oil diffusing) Bracelet and 100% of the sale will go directly to our adoption fund.

Buy a bracelet for yourself or a friend who needs that reminder and know that you are helping baby girl come home as well.

I'm not crying...YOU'RE CRYING.

You guys. Isn't she amazing!?

My bracelet is in the mail and I cannot wait to wear it proudly and witness this new addition to Mary Beth's home in the coming months!!

Thank you, my lovely readers, for continuing to support this blog and share my voice.

And THANK YOU, Mary Beth, for posting such a raw, emotional, and BEAUTIFUL story.

You are loved beyond belief. XO