I Am Owning My Story

I was always a light sleeper.

Always worried that one of my pets would get hurt in the night.

Always concerned with the details of the next IVF protocol; what the results may hold, what our chances were, what the next hit would be.

I worried about making it to the next round, the next step, the next milestone, certain that if I never made it as a mom, I would ultimately be nothing.

A non-mom is no way to live by society's standards.

I have offered nothing to this world. 

I cannot grow anything within me.

I have no purpose and should just back away in shame.

To say I was unhappy during those trying days of uncertainty in the midst of failed cycle after failed cycle would be the understatement of a lifetime.

Often times loved ones around me would try to give me the standard pep talk.

It will work, Tia.

And I often, so very often, would combat it with the shielded response.

But it might not.

Call it intuition.

Call it whatever you want.

But there was always something nagging at me, deep down inside, and with every forceful grasp at the next layer of mountain I climbed, I always knew we would likely not succeed at this.

This wasn't what we were meant to do as humans.

We were not destined to raise our own children.

And that intuition worried me to my very core.

And then we stopped trying.

We stopped treatments.

We stopped.

Just. Stopped. Everything.

I finally let go of that mountain I kept a tight grip of, and fell back into the clouds.

My head stopped spinning.

My feet, once grounded in impenetrable cement, moved again.

My body yearned to run, to leap, to do anything that didn't involve sitting in another chair having my blood drawn.

My mind became laser focused and my vision narrowed.

And my heart expanded ten-fold to the immediate loves in my life and everything I have been cultivating for the past decade.

And I realized that there was nothing to be afraid of.

Worry faded away, and the little annoyances and frustrations of daily life seemed so trivial in comparison to the storm we just walked through.

I slept. Deeply.

And continued this pattern each night.

And still do to this day.

Embracing my life, just as it is, has freed me from the criticism and judgment that I was putting on MYSELF because I THOUGHT that's how society viewed me.

And to be honest, society might still view me that way.

As nothing.

As no good.

Because I'm a non-mom.

But I can assure you that I simply raised my middle finger at the criticism, and kept looking forward, kept walking. 

Because none of that worry or judgment matters, really.

Sickness and death and despair will happen in the future.

But I now know that ultimately, when the dust settles, I am resilient.

I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, and keep walking forward.

Because life will go on.

And I will not fear the variables.

I will not fear the what-ifs.

I will not worry about failing.

Failure, you see, is just another part of life.

You MUST fail to succeed at something better.

To try a different route.

To keep pressing forward.

Only the strongest take failure and turn it into a positive, rewarding aspect of life.

And I can assure you I fail every damn day.

And it's glorious.

I get to reinvent myself as often as I want.

I get to try again.

I get to keep going.

So, when people ask me how I'm doing these days.

The honest answer is....I'm doing amazing.

Free from worry and embracing failure and watching how resilient I am.

Focusing inward and erasing the judgment and comparison and simply ENJOYING living.

THAT is the spice of life, folks.

Everything else is just....details.

Details that will eventually fall into place.

Most of which I can't control or manipulate even if I wanted to.

Those types of expectations are what causes worry, anyways.

The expectation of how life is SUPPOSED to go.

Life is SUPPOSED to go exactly as it's going.

We're living our best life, don't you see?

When you remove the comparison and expectations, all you're left with is the stuff and situations and destiny you were always meant to live. 

It's good to try new things.

To take chances.

Because you might just fail.

And then you take that failure, turn it into a life lesson, embrace what happened and move forward wiser, and lighter, and with more ease.

So, my dear, infertility did so much for me, even if it didn't give me the baby I thought I would have.

It gave me my LIFE BACK.

And I will be eternally grateful for all the failures along the way.

Thanks for reading. XO

Punched in the Mouth and Other Happenings

Hi guys. Happy Friday!!

How was everyone's week?
I had a non-stop five day headache that I tried to suffer through as much as I could without needing to pop Tylenol constantly, but medication won out most of the time. I'm hoping it's weather-related and not some weird stress I'm holding onto. I don't believe I have had too much to worry about this week, besides adjusting to Daylight Savings...anyone else?

Here's what happened this week.

My beloved friend Courtney is taking her blog to the next level. I'm excited to see what is in store for her! She, after all, is the one who got me into the whole blogging world many, many years ago.

Another good blogger friend, Biz, shared a drool-worthy pie photo this week that she made a while back, that brought many sentiments of her late-husband. Not only does she need to post the peach pie recipe, but I think we should all gather in her corner and send her to Italy! Read up on her post for exactly what I'm talking about.

Erin, from Our Journey to Three, has been on QUITE the extensive road to parenthood. After many, many failed transfers, they elected surrogacy as their final answer and have been blessed this year with a pregnancy. They just revealed the gender last night if you want to revel in this amazing event and cheer them on like I did!!

On the home-front:
The final shipment of goodies arrived this week for our bathroom and I. AM. IN. LOVE.

images via CB2

And you know what that means?! It's REVEAL TIME!!

If you haven't already CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL so you can partake in the video portion of the bathroom facelift next week!

Speaking of YouTube, Episode 8 went live this week.
Mike Tyson's quote is what inspired this video, and I can assure you, getting punched in the mouth is the EXACT metaphor for what life throws at you sometimes, don't you think?

Sharing is caring, folks! If you love it, tell your friends?

I had been seeing so many fans of The Best Laundry Detergent Ever, and I always hesitated for two reasons. 

1. It's pricey, and 

2. I have a sensitive nose, and if I hated the scent, then I was out a bunch of money for nothing.

So I finally settled on these cute little dryer sachets.

My verdict?

I like the smell, but am not in love. Luckily, the dryer sheets don't really infuse my bedding with an overwhelming scent of it, so I think it'll work for now.

I'm cool with going through what I bought, but tend to get pulled in a more "clean aroma" direction when it comes to house fragrances.

The next thing I am planning to try are these cute dryer balls and some fragrance oils. I'm still deciding between this set or this set. So many fun choices!!

I'll report back with my findings soon!!

Finally, I have taken two initiatives this week.

The first, as you saw earlier, is Appreciate Affirmation Monday.

Whether you follow me here or Instagram (or both!) you will have a couple options to partake in the fun. 

The goal is to AFFIRM something about ourselves that not only lifts our spirits, but sets a positive, encouraging tone for the week based on something we APPRECIATE about ourselves.

Because, dudes....Monday's are hard enough, right?

The second...and this is solely for Instagram...is getting to know all of you lovelies followers by the use of Template Tuesdays. Each Tuesday, you will get a bunch of fun insta-story templates to fill our for the week and share with your friends. It helps everyone get to know everyone else a bit more and create a deeper connection in the community. Be sure to follow along!

And with that, I'm out! Hope you have a brilliant weekend and drink a lot of green beer!! XO

This Week

...I traded squeaky clean hair for another 20 minutes of play with my pup. On a never-ending quest these days to spend more time in-the-moment and less time multi-tasking, I pressed pause at one of my favorite daily routines that makes me immensely happy. I will take all the extra time with that fat sausage I can get.

...I started a Gratitude Journal. One small $5 splurge for a cute notebook and gold pen have inspired a quick re-cap of all the little things that went RIGHT and made me HAPPY that day. There is gratitude to be had with even the trying moments (HELLO hour-long commute in the snow...but HELL YES to more inspirational podcast time) and I am diligently working to change my perspective.

...my progesterone is high, which means I am eating and peeing at an alarming pace. (thank you, infertility, for shedding light on the different phases of my menstrual cycle and lovely hormones to follow)

...I pushed myself in the gym and therefore am making more time outside the gym to stretch and give myself grace. My muscles ache and my stomach is rumbling, so I am literally and figuratively feeding both. Extra stretching, Epsom salt soaks, and clean eating are the way to my heart each day.

...I am reveling in my capable hands and swift knack for budgeting to get us through the final hurdle to some home and financial projects. Stress comes in swiftly but I keep re-focusing my attention to one step at a time, instead of all-at-once.

...I made a few on-the-rocks pina-colada's and it reminded me just how much fun summer is, and that our little getaway is just around the corner.

...I did our taxes. Although the IRS needs to get their shit together so I can actually file, they are done, and soon our credit card debt will be a thing of the past. Cue a sigh of relief (and maybe another pina?)

...we had more sunlight than past weeks, and I took a billion of sunrise photos out of sheer excitement.

...I took time for myself to change my perspective with how my current season of life is going. Instead of constantly longing for the bigger-better thing, I need to really start appreciating how good things are now. Sometimes it's easier said than done, but we really have come a long way with our home lives and careers, and these really are the good-old-days that I'll look back on with a warm-rosy glow, right?

...I became a YouTube vlogger!! (video-blogger). There are currently two episodes up. The first one was linked in my last post, and below is the second!  Please feel free to comment, interact, subscribe, ..whatever you feel like doing! This platform is meant for you to get my real emotions and thoughts on these subjects like infertility and happiness, and in turn, you should know I would LOVE to hear your thoughts and opinions too! My goal is to create community with these posts and I think this is an excellent way to do so!


...and finally, I braved the first major winter snow storm this year, headed into the office and brought Burn!! You have no idea what having him around does for my happiness!!

What made you happy this week? Anything inspire you?
Cheers to the freakin' weekend! XO

Happy Monday

No, the title isn't some overly-caffeinated word-vomit spewing onto this page.
It's how I feel. It's a happy Monday, for me.....finally.

You see...the last few weeks I have been in a bit of a rut, and it all seems to come to a head on Monday's. I hate to be that cliche person, but Monday's have seemed to be extremely rough to get motivated, get back on schedule, stay focused, and most importantly...stay AWAKE.

So, I started to proactively seek changes in my routine and in my life in general.

For one, I decided my morning commute needed a bit of a boost. After reducing my commute time from nearly an hour and a half each way, down to 25 minutes, you would think that alone would be enough of a change to have me shouting from the rooftops.

And it did, for a couple of years.

But now, even though I get to sit in the comfort of my own vehicle and sip warm coffee, alone, which is something I always crave....two things kept me from really enjoying the commute.

First is what I listen to. I realized I am constantly battling with the radio. I like talk radio in the mornings and CAN. NOT. STAND. most new age music these days (as in whatever plays in between talk segments on Kiss FM. That is not actual music in my eyes.) so I was constantly flipping through the channels, distracted...which would then translate into me dashing in between cars and fighting against bumper to bumper traffic, trying to get my commute over with as quickly as possible so I didn't have to be annoyed any longer.

The second issue is my mind was constantly wandering. Now I know sometimes that can be a good thing when you're trying to come up with a plan or new idea, but anxiety stems directly from a wandering mind and it is not good for me.

My solution?  Podcasts.

I reached out to people on social media and set up my blue-tooth in the truck to stream some calming, yet inspiring conversations each morning.

And the change has been glorious.
Now I just seem to go with the flow and let my commute happen.  It takes relatively the same amount of time to get to and from work each day, so I just need to accept that time and make it as good as I can get it.

I get into work way less stressed out and angry, and it helps set a more positive tone for the day. I highly suggest doing this if you're looking for a change. I save the upbeat music for my commute home. :)

The bigger issue in my life stems from closing our journey with IVF and battling infertility, is my purpose. Granted, I do realize this isn't something that you just FIGURE OUT overnight, but I realized that perhaps I need to change things up a bit to feel more connected to my passions and dreams and home life.

I know I sound utterly cryptic...because, well...to be honest, it's terrifying to me.
To know in my heart I need to take this next step, is in constant battle with my sensible brain.
It's a hit on one of my biggest securities.
I plan to spend the next few months or so, solidifying my game plan and making sure I can do what my heart says I need to do.

I keep visualizing and longing for little things here and there, and it seems silly to keep putting them on the back-burner. Mark and I have always been those types of people to not "save all the good stuff" for retirement. We strive to live a more balanced life where we continue to save for the future, while simultaneously doing some of the bigger stuff now...while we are younger and have more energy.

We tend to walk a fine line of live in the moment vs. let's wait a while.

I think I'm in a good place to make some "crazy" changes. When everything comes to fruition it will likely be laughed at because it's really not that big of a deal. But I can assure you, to me, it's a huge deal.

I'm ready.

Yes, indeed. Keep the faith, my friends. XO

A Millionty Projects

You guys...I don't know what happened but now I have come to realize I have given myself a bunch of projects to work on, and for some reason I am actually a little frazzled that they may not be completed before spring.

I think most people get the urge to purge after the Holidays.
No? Just me?

Well...I am purging like a motha' these days. Room by room, I have been digging through all the junk drawers, dead spaces, and cabinets to create piles of keep, donate, or toss.

First comes purging, then comes deep-cleaning.
I'm talking, scrubbing the fucking drool-covered walls (and ceilings for that matter), scraping out the baseboard gunk, picking gross things out of corners with q-tips and bleaching everything imaginable.

Being forced to stay indoors for many months and seeing a space in juuuust the right morning light instantly reveals how nasty our home gets in a year.

I sort of love cleaning like this though, as long as I can knock out an entire room in a day.
The rest of the year is simply spent tidying and wiping down the larger surfaces or just outright ignoring them since I'm too busy doing things like day-drinking in the pool.

Then when all the general house-hold cleaning, purging and organizing is complete...I can hit the larger projects with a clear head.

Since looking at what was supposed to be our nursery is completely depressing to me, I decided to turn it into my craft room for the time being. <---see what I did there? #therewillbemiracles

I want to set up the space so that it's accessible enough that I actually want to craft and create more.

Which leads me to this painting:

I think it's too colorful, so I'm going to re-do it since I stare it all day at work and it's not bringing me joy anymore.

Then there is the secret coffee-bar closet in our bedroom.
Our 100 year old home is laid out....oddly, especially when it comes to closet space.
I love the quirkiness of it, but it makes designing a functional closet a bit difficult since there are very few rectangular rooms.

The coffee-bar closet holds our Keurig, a mini-fridge, and a microwave on one side, and then the rest of the space has sort of become a catch-all for all the other crap I don't want to look at.

My goal is turn it into a little room that holds my essential oils and books, along with a more efficient coffee-bar space.

Side story: When Mark was sick with his second man-flu, he decided he was bored one day and did the unthinkable....He started rifling through this closet to clean it out. GASP!

And I completely lost it on him.

Because it is (mostly) MY SHIT and MY PROJECT. (um...if he didn't realize he married a crazy person...he sure as Hell realized that day)

Who the fuck gets pissed their husband was trying to help?
ME, that's who.

Besides, I didn't want his germy-flu hands touching all my stuff. I still think it's completely valid to lose it. You don't see me rifling through his garage because I think it's disgusting. Which I completely DO think it's disgusting and would love to actually clean, but I'd probably just end up torching the place because it's too much junk and then we'd get a divorce. So it's better if I just don't ever go in there in the first place. At least not sober. Marriage is all about picking your battles, you know.

Now back to the real post.

And the biggest task that I randomly decided to tackle as well?
Our main downstairs bathroom.

Now, I vowed not to do any home renovations this winter (because, IVF debt), but this bathroom keeps giving me gross vibes and I need to do something about it.

What I really want to do is gut the fucking thing and start over, and one day that will actually happen, but until that day becomes a reality I still have to live with what we have.
And what we currently have is this:

Not exactly my style. Or anyone's style outside of the 1982. There are just too many colors!!

My plans include re-finishing the existing tile; changing it from blue to crisp white.
Re-painting the walls a lighter color.
And for Christ-sakes...painting over that huge wooden vanity monstrosity.

I don't have the budget to change anything out...but I am SURE I can make a dent in the appearance with a cheaper face-life, right?

Four months and counting, folks! Do you have any projects this season?
Thanks for reading. XO

Medicated

My dad flew up our driveway, on the hunt for my mom, panicked, as always.
I watch him shuffle up to the front door as a I muttered under my breath...you have got to be shitting me.

Trying my best to keep my cool, I step onto the porch to greet him before the dog realizes he's there. I re-explained to him, for the millionth time, that she is not here, that I am not including myself in this chaos, to please calm down and relax, that there is nothing to worry about.

The conversation always goes the same way...I know, I'm sick. I need help...he will say.

I know Dad...I really hope you are making the appointments that you say you are and trying to get the help you need. I can't help you with this part. You need professionals.

Do you know where your mom is...my dad stutters again...as if he hadn't heard the last few minutes of our conversation.

I can feel my blood boiling.

Dad...you have to quit following her. She is a grown ass woman with her own life. Please, PLEASE make an effort to have your own life as well. Please find help. Please make the calls. Please see the doctors. You are ruining the dynamic of this family. You are making me crazy too!

I know. I'm sorry....his voice is pitiful as he retreats to his car.

I slam the door shut. And cry loudly.

Mark is swearing in the other room because he just plated dinner and it's getting cold.
He is frustrated because this chaos interrupts our lives very often.

I am buzzing.
After two weeks of antibiotics and what I thought was the right road to recovery, the floating feelings and dizzy spells were back.

I wipe my tears, compose myself, and meet Mark in the living room to eat dinner.
That night I have nightmares about the struggle I have been having with my family....for years.

The next morning, while driving to work, the all-too-familiar feeling of me losing control rises again.
The sweaty palms.
The tunnel vision.
The spinning.
The buzzing.
The choking feeling.

I am on the brink of another panic attack.
I try to talk myself through it, tell myself I am better than this. It's not a big deal.
But I find myself pulling off the road to gather my thoughts and breathe.

I can't live like this anymore.
I feel like I am dying sometimes.
I feel out of control...crazy...mad....insane.

I find myself back at the doctor's office that morning.

He tells me I am having panic attacks. I have extreme anxiety and sometimes this stuff just happens as we get into our 30's and 40's, especially after major, life-changing events.

Our minds start to do crazy things.

I have a family history, after all.
I suppose I shouldn't be overly surprised.

But the thought of being....medicated....that stigma, you know?
Like....who needs pills to live their life?

Me.
I do.
I need that to help with my life right now.

My emotions are either 0% or 1,000%.
There is no in-between.
I am on edge.
I am always pissy.
I am not a nice person. Overly snarky.
Not very warm or loving to Mark.
I have nightmares and night sweats.
I get overwhelmed with all I have to do, and all I have been through, and all that still needs to be done.

The doctor looks at me, and smiles, and says...if only you knew how many people were on this stuff, you'd be shocked. I would bet many, many of your friends are, and they just haven't said anything.

Well here I am....saying it.

I have started a new chapter in my life that includes a psychiatrist, therapist, and pills.

This village, if you will, has been helping me work through all of the shit that has built up over the years, including IVF, my miscarriage, my family, and, well....life.

It has all become too much for me.
For a while I resisted...because, you know, I have GOT to be stronger than succumbing to pills.

But I'm not right now.
And I'm slowly learning to be okay with help...after being so stubborn for so many years.

So after trial and error between a few different types of medications (I fell into the 1% that has an allergic reaction to the additives in some of the pills), I landed on a daily, low-dose of Lexapro.

And it gave me my life back.
I breathe more freely.
I let the little things slide.
I'm not so uptight with EVERY.THING.
I'm just....living.

And it feels good.
Thanks for reading. XO

When Self Care is More Than a Face Mask

Self care has become an incredibly trendy phrase in recent months, wouldn't you think?
And with good reason.
Human beings, especially women, SHOULD be taking more time to care for the person that cares for everyone and everything else. Themselves.

Women are hard-wired to care for everything else around them; be it inanimate objects, relationships, pets, careers, and other human beings.

I always thought self care meant making sure to try a new face mask or take a bubble bath every so often. To slow down and smell the damn roses you have been preening for months.

This year, I learned that self care means making myself a priority to stop pushing potentially bigger issues to the back-burner.

I had two sort of major scares pop up this year.

The first, when I found a lump in my breast. After months of putting off testing, hoping it would just go away, I finally sought treatment. After a painful biopsy and mammogram, the lump was indeed there, but benign.

Months later, after a trip to Madison on our boat, I started getting serious dizzy spells. Dizzy spells that doubled my vision and made it nearly impossible to drive. For weeks, I hoped the general floating feeling and fuzzy-brain feelings would go away. The symptoms would come and go, and I found that if my heart-rate jumped, or I was dealing with something that sparked my anxiety (which was constant), my symptoms would come back full-force. It became exhausting to keep trying to focus on busy patterns or be alert in crowded spaces, or even read sentences on a computer screen.

I went in to see the doctor, who gave me a thorough one-over complete with blood-work. Everything came back normal. Still desperate for an answer I headed in the following week for an MRI. The days in waiting for that procedure were tough. As much as I tried to keep a level-head, the worry and what-ifs would creep in every now and then. I wanted to cancel the appointment so bad, but I knew not knowing would be worse.

I asked to start a Z-pack after my labs came back normal...because what if all this fuzziness was just some sort of whacky sinus infection? I'm sure the doc thought it was a feeble attempt, but I was clinging to anything that would allow me to feel like a normal person again.

I finished the final pill the morning I headed in for my MRI. And to be honest, my head did feel a bit better. Not 100%...but a tad more tolerable, maybe...even if only a placebo effect.

You guys...have you ever had an MRI completed?
Not. Fun.
I knew I would be put in a metal hot dog bun for nearly an hour, but when the tech told me there would be loud banging, I thought she was joking.
Um....no.
That loud, repetitive banging, followed by deafening bouts of solid, loud humming was overwhelming. When the humming lasted for more then a couple minutes, I swear to Jebus it triggered whatever was going on in my head and forced a panic attack.

As someone who didn't know if she was claustrophobic or had serious anxiety problems...I sure as Hell found out that day. I am not claustrophobic. I do have anxiety.

I kept envisioning floating in the pool, with Burn, our Bulldog, lounging on the side. It was the only thing keeping me sane, because the country music in the background sure wasn't.

And the results? Not overly shocking.
The MRI came back normal. (praise the Lord!)

Shortly after the anxiety wore off from the MRI, I dealt with a sinus infection.

As my cold receded, I thought for sure...this was it.
It was over. I'll feel better in no time.

And I did, temporarily.
Because it was the weekend.

But the overall buzzing sensation?
Vision issues and panic attacks?
They came back with a fury.

I realized I had not been treating myself with the respect I deserve, with the self-care that is so important in life. I realized I had to stop putting myself on the back burner and take action.

It was more than a face mask and a glass of wine, that's for sure.
Stay tuned for what really happened.

XO

Fall Favorites

Happy Fall Y'all!
I'm not one to go crazy with Fall decorating. (I'll leave the crazy for Halloween, a thank you very much) but I do love a few festive touches throughout my home to make it feel a bit more cozy.

Here is what I'm loving this season....

Hand Towels // Magnolia Wreath // Vase Filler // Leaves Candle //
Plaid Pillow Cover // Present Over Perfect Book // Let's Stay Home Mug

These cute little hand towels don't scream Fall, which is basically why I love them. The martini towel is perfect for my bar cart and the other two are perched on the stove.

I hopped on that damn Joanna Gaines train and fell in love with magnolia wreaths. This one is from Hobby Lobby and with their standard 40% off one item coupon, you can walk away with this beauty for about $40.

Vase fillers. It's a weird thing to love, I know. These neutral accents work perfectly in our bathroom. I put a few eucalyptus essential oil drops on them for an extra kick of Fall.

I ordered my Fall and Winter candles when Bath and Body Works was having a sale. This Leaves one is the first to burn in my home. The slight cinnamon scent is divine.

You guys. I got way to excited when this black and white plaid pillow cover arrived at my doorstep. I slipped it over a summer pillow and BOOM! Instant Fall on my porch.

In this current season of my life, I am diligently working to weed out the chaos. I have read a few books on the subject and Present Over Perfect is my current fave. Grab a cup of piping hot coffee in this adorable mug and settle in for a good read.

Tis the season to slow down and savor, amiright?
Thanks for reading! XO

Making The Family I Chose My Priority

Happy September, folks.

I'm happy to be back to writing on a consistent basis.
I felt an overwhelming urge to step back a lot from social media, from my computer, from my phone, and from all the nonsense that comes with likes and follows and subscriptions and junk.

Sometimes it's good for the soul to cut ties for one reason or another, and boy have I had more than enough reasons this year.

We wrapped up the summer last weekend with husband's birthday complete with a little Labor Day fiesta, and I couldn't be more content with the transition.

You see, I have been on quite the journey over the last 8-ish months.

Nothing anyone else could really see, for that matter.
We haven't traveled.
No, I'm not pregnant.

It's more in how I feel.
How I am positioning myself with and for others.
How I am as a person.
A growth spurt...if you will.

Let's back-track a bit.

I have always felt that I handled difficult situations with ease. Grace under pressure.
I have always been the rock for many, many people in my life.

And because logistics and planning and care and fixing things came so naturally to me, for whatever reason, it only seemed logical that I spread the wealth, especially since my family was literally begging me for help.

I now see my thought process was silly, but justifiable....I don't have any kids of my own to dole out the love and care and therapy and know-it-all and life lessons to...so I guess I should just do it for everyone else.

A lot of people, specifically, most of my immediate family members, stepped all over the love and support I offered.

My family took advantage of me.
And it made me bitter.

Because of this, I started developing anxiety whenever my phone would ring.
That anxiety spread to family gatherings, and family events, and anything that involved them.
I would sit and be furious, re-hashing events that were long gone.
I was furious that this was happening.
I was furious that I continued to let it happen.
That I was being used.

Because the only time my phone would ring was when someone needed something from me.

And you want to know what ended up happening?

I had a break down.

I became extremely ill for over a month with vision and neurological issues that most doctors couldn't figure out. Countless trips to the doctor, an MRI, and many pills later, and the conclusion was a sinus infection of epic proportions mixed with an overwhelming amount of stress and anxiety.

In a nutshell, it was debilitating. Although I looked relatively fine from the outside, inside I was scared shitless, wondering if this crazy-feeling was going to be my new normal. I had panic attacks while driving and in the middle of the night, my vision doubled if I looked too far into the distance, I couldn't focus on busy patterns and it generally felt like I was high all the time.

I just kept saying yes as people pushed their way into our lives, begging us to sort their shit out for them. And because I guess we felt like we had our head's on straight, we obliged.

But we were never met with equality.
I'm not one to need some sort of trophy for doing normal work. Far from it.
I just wanted to be treated as an equal part of the family.
I wanted people to work with me and love me and talk with me like we were on the same team.

I wanted the people I was helping to say something crazy like, "How are YOU doing? What's new? Hey! You wanna get together?" Without some ulterior motive meant to scheme me in some way. To manipulate me. To unload their bullshit. To make me feel awful.

I didn't get what I wanted.
I took the hit for this, have learned a great deal, and am moving forward.

That's what makes a noble person.
To try and make it better than before.
To learn from your mistakes and all that shit.

Mark and I have always wanted the best for everyone.
And that is God's honest truth.
We want everyone to enjoy life as best as they possibly can, and if that means sacrificing, or working harder, or changing things up to get there, then guess what? We fully support that.
Do all that good shit and report back.
We are happy to hear about and embrace the good you are doing in your own life.

So we always helped out when we could, because, like I said, some stuff just comes easier to us.
Everyone shines at something.

But it got to the point that I clearly remember repeating, "I have given you every possible option imaginable to dig your self out of this. You have all the tools. All the resources. All you have to is apply them as needed and follow-through. It's ultimately up to you."

I washed my hands of the effort and walked away.
I learned over the last eight months that none of that really matters, anyways.
Family is only family if they are there for you. Equally.

They sucked my giving well dry.
And it's now up to me to fill it with goodness again and dole it out sparingly.

The family I chose is more important than the family I came from.
If family is hurting you, it's okay to step back and re-evaluate your involvement with them.

Will it always be like this?
I'd like to say no, but that part isn't up to me.

What is up to me is how I react to shitty situations, how I choose to live my life, and what I allow in it. And through trial and error, it's getting easier.

Easier for me to say no and not feel guilty.
Easier for me to focus on my life and my prospects and my husband and our home.
Easier for me to understand that I am not a bad person for saying no.

Life is simple and beautiful and complex and mundane and chaotic all at the same time.
And it's going to fucking pass me right by if I don't pump the breaks and realize all this time spent running in circles has gotten me nowhere.

So that's the journey I have been on.
To place the right things at the top of my life list, and let the rest fade away.

Welcome Back. I'm happy to be here. XO

I'm Back, and I have a Lot to Say

Hi.

Good to see everyone back here in my little corner of the internet.
I, like most people people in the Midwest, went a little crazy trying to soak up our (brief ) summer.
The leaves are already starting to change, and a little piece of my dies inside knowing I have to start wearing more layers and seeing less sunlight.

Don't get me wrong, I like fall. I love Halloween and the fact that it's not the dead of winter just yet.

But I LOVE summer. I love everything that comes with the heat, the low maintenance hair and make-up, the easy summer clothes, time by and in bodies of water, music and margaritas.

I was busy with life and because everyone was in a similar situation, was low on inspiration to write.

But I also had a lot of other stuff going on as well.

See....this year has been different for me.
I boldly remember declaring I was morphing into a different person after our miscarriage.
I could feel it in my bones. Something had shifted.
Life....the good and the bad, basically stayed the same.
But my mind and my perception on how to live life had changed.

I have thought long and hard about what I want to write about on this blog, and I realized I was sort of skimming over a large chunk of my life.

Because it wasn't pretty.

I have decided to start sharing more, diving into the some of the uglier parts, to sort of level the playing field, and bring awareness to other issues that normal people tend to face.

I suppose this post is more of a disclaimer. That what I'll be sharing from time to time, should not be judged or looked down upon. You, my readers, are no better than me, and I most definitely am not better than anyone else. I will be talking very frankly, as I do in real life, about things that affected me in recent years, both good and bad.

Everyone is going through something in their life.
Sometimes life is grand, and sometimes it takes the wind right out of your sail.
This is my story, and I'm happy to let everyone in.

Welcome back. I'm happy you're here. XO

34

Although there is a minor celestial event occurring this afternoon :) , the REAL news is that today is my birthday!

It's sort of a big deal.

Today I am 34.

Man! Another year down the tubes and another year towards the grave, amiright?

I am totally, totally kidding. Promise.
I have never been one to shy away from sharing my age.
Never been one to not celebrate something special.
I love birthdays and growing older and, hopefully, wiser in the process.

This one did not disappoint, either.
We celebrated by taking our boat down the shore of Lake Michigan to a Bruno Mars concert.
I don't think it gets much cooler than that, really.

33 sure was one for the books.
It was by far the hardest year of my life.
I lost so much.
I said goodbye to two loves of my life; my oldest bulldog and my little baby boy.

But as I healed, I gained a sense of self I hadn't fully realized until I was broken down so far, that I was able to rebuild myself into something better.

We fully ventured into the world of infertility and IVF.
I temporarily became a mom and got to experience a little sliver of pregnancy...something I had longed for, for so many years.

Mark and I had our marriage tested through depression, anxiety, grief, and just about everything else under the sun.
But we are SO happy now.
So much stronger together.
We weathered that damn storm and lived to tell about it.
And we are still crazy about each other (even if we drive each other crazy, daily.)

I treated myself to a grown up vehicle, after shuttling around in a TransAm for the majority of my post-college life.

And most importantly, I learned a lot about myself.
I grew as a woman, as a wife, and as my own person in this world.

I cut out a lot of bullshit.
I streamlined my life and my thoughts.
I put more effort into things that are worth it.
I slowed down a lot to savor all the good that comes with each day, even the boring ones.
I said goodbye to a lot of anxieties.
I stopped multi-tasking (I was never any good at that, anyways, no matter what my resume says)
I stopped striving for the perfect set of gym abs, and instead, put more focus to my spiritual side.
I became more in tune with how I react to the world, and how it makes me feel.

I have been working on myself, each and every day.
Some days are far harder than others, but each day is a gift, and I really truly get that now.

I'm happy to be happy and healthy.
I'm happy to have my wonderful husband by my side.
I'm happy to have a goofy bulldog and a sassy cat to fill up our home.
I'm happy to have a good paycheck and a beautiful home and a capable body to handle and maintain all that we have worked so hard to achieve over the years.

I am so very lucky, indeed.
Cheers to 34 and to many, many more beautiful days!
XO

Summer Vacation

Hey there!
Yes, I still write words outside of my fun little home and lifestyle posts.

She Has Good Genes will be taking a blog break for the duration of summer.

I am low on inspiration to keep up with posting on a consistent basis right now.
I am pretty sure this happens a lot in blog-land, and it most certainly happens to me on a yearly basis.

Obviously last summer we were waist-deep in IVF, helping our cat recover, and keep up with daily life. It was chaotic and overwhelming and difficult to breathe at times. And I always wished we were further along with time.

But this year is much different.

Life is good for me right now.
It's funny, after you have been through a period of grieving, I think you start to focus on all the small, wonderful little details that each day has to offer...instead of rushing to the next big event.

Like how content I am to watch the rain, and smell the warm, wet asphalt, while rocking on the porch-swing.

Or how excited Burn gets when he knows we're going for another golf cart ride to the river.

And how quickly my sunflowers are growing. They are all sprouting up rapidly and most of them are still thriving.

Or how closely I can walk towards the mama deer in our back yard as she lunches on flowers.

Or how grateful I am to be able to get up as the sun rises and go for a morning run before work.

How well of a team Mark and I are. Giving each other grace as we navigate this year has been so incredibly fulfilling....from grief recovery, to the letting the dishes pile up, to our next boating adventure, to our sour moments, to holding hands through an antique store, to fixing a leaky pipe, to folding the other person's laundry, to trying to out-do each other off the diving board, to dance parties in the driveway. Every moment has been treasured.

Saying yes to road-trips to visit with relatives, and welcoming new babies to the family. There really is nothing like smelling the top of a baby's head as she sleeps in the crook of your arm.

Staying up late and watching the bats circle overhead.

Cannonball contests in the pool.

Fireworks on Lake Michigan after a jet-setting jaunt on the boat.

Taking the extra (dozen) vacation days.

Being less involved with TV shows and social media and slowing. down.

And the list can likely go on and on.

There will be plenty of fun, pretty, hilarious, and inspiring stuff in the meantime on Instagram.
I am happy to have you follow along as we relish in these fleeting summer months!

Life is 80 Summers, my dear!
Live it up!! XOXO

My Supplement Routine For Better Egg Quality

In my quest to max out whatever eggs I have left in the ole' baby-making reserve, I started reading It Starts With the Egg.

I was blessed with old, poorer quality eggs, which added another hurdle to our pre-existing genetic issues. We went into 2016 without any knowledge of this, so to say it was an uphill battle trying to correct what I could, was an understatement.

I took what I learned from 2016 to leverage any future cycles as best I could.

I did extensive research along with my doctor's recommendations and used these supplements on a daily basis.

Obviously nothing is guaranteed, but I feel as though I am better prepared and more knowledgeable, in general, to year's past. So I thought I would share my extensive research and supplement list with you.

(disclaimer: if undergoing infertility treatments, please clear all of this with your Dr. FIRST. The amount that works for me may not be suitable for your body.)

The best part of my obsession with research is I have done all the hard work for you.

My goal is help inform those struggling to conceive as much as possible so I linked all the supplements I use.

All are available through Amazon and if you have Prime, you'll get them in two days!
I basically live my life through Amazon Prime. 
Who doesn't love skipping the store (and those dreaded lines) and instead, have a happy box of goodies show up to their front door?

Super B Complex // Vit D // DHEA // Prenatal // CoQ 10 // Myo Inositol // Red Raspberry Leaf Tea // Vit C

Super B Complex
For antioxidant support and energy, I take one pill per day. I swear this vitamin helps perk me up each morning and keeps me healthy! I buy two containers per year and take one each day even when I'm not cycling.

Vitamin D
My nurse said I was a tad Vitamin D deficient (damn Midwestern winters!) so I was put on 4,000mg per day. I found these at Trader Joe's originally, but always forgot to buy more when I was shopping. Enter Amazon for convenience! I take one tiny pill in the morning and one when I get home.

DHEA
My doctor recommended 75mg per day to improve egg quality and I swear by it. It upped my antral follicle count from 8 to 24 over a four month span in 2016! I take two pills in the morning (25mg each) and one in the evening. Give it 3-4 months for best results.

Prenatal
Duh. I find this one most cost effective. I would always laugh when the nurse reminded me I should be taking one...um yea! I have been taking a prenatal for six freakin' years, thank you very much ;)

Ubiquinol CoQ10
Highly absorptive. The pills aren't the smallest but I like this brand because of it's high ratings. I take 600 mg per day and my husband takes 400mg per day. That's two pills in the am and one in the pm for me. This container goes quick so sometimes I buy 3-4 at a time!

Myo-Inositol
I buy this in powder form and mix it in my raspberry leaf tea. My nurse recommended 4,000mg per day for egg quality. That's just over a tsp of powder per day. It's tasteless and mixes really well. The large container I buy easily lasts for multiple cycles. Give it 3-4 months for best results.

Red Raspberry Leaf Tea
I drink 8oz every morning with my handful of pills. It's what I mix my myo-inositol with. A little agave nectar and I find the taste very appealing. It's supposed to help with menstrual support because these cramps are no joke. The link gives you a package of 6 boxes, and trust me, you will go through them all within 4 months at 8oz per day.

Vitamin C
To health and happiness, right? This horse pill keeps me from getting sick. My husband pops them when he's feeling run down and they help immensely. Just one a day in the am and the container lasts almost an entire year!

One final note, I found out while doing taxes that if prescribed (or recommended) by your doctor, supplements can be written off as a medical expense (and you know these get pricey, fellow IVFers!).

Keep those receipts and be sure to get written approval or recommendations!

So best of luck! Happy supplementing and Happy Eggs!! :)
Thank you so much for reading and supporting this blog. XO

Embrace What Makes You Happy

"It's fine being weird, you should try it sometime."
I think I heard that line a thousand times while TV was advertising the new season of Detour. 

Anyways, today I have compiled a list of things that make me weirdly happy.
Complete with gifs...obviously.

The stuff that makes me happy isn't hitting up the latest it spot, or dropping a ton of money on something temporary, it's the moments (ok yes, and a few smaller purchases) in this list...and probably a million more tiny things that I can't think of right now.

Enjoy...

Zoning out while driving to/from work: I'm not talking about when you start going down the rabbit-hole of your thoughts, only to arrive at your destination and kind of spook yourself because you don't quite remember how you got there (not that I haven't done that at some point)...I'm more talking about enjoying the drive.

I can get really, really worked up about driving and traffic and all the other idiots on the road.
I can't stand people who allow too much of a gap with the car in front of them because they are texting and distracted. 
(WHY do most of them seem to be driving Toyota Corolla's? Is this a requirement when buying one?)
I can't stand slow drivers, or drivers that ride my ass when I'm already speeding.
And when I get worked up, I will likely flip out on Mark when I get home...just because I'm mad at some stupid fleeting incident.

So....I try to just zone out. I focus on the stuff around me, but not really. I take advantage of an open highway as the opportunity arises, but just sort of....cruise....when stuck in traffic.

Details...my friends...details. Zooming around one car isn't going to get me to the finish line any faster when everyone and their mom is leaving for work at the same time.

If it's summer time...the windows will be wide open....hair swirling around my head...classic rock blaring on the radio....just cruising.

Reading Research: There was a period of time, when I was commuting via train, that I could easily get lost in a non-fiction book. But most of the time, I like reading research.

I know...so cool.

But I do. I like learning everything I can about whatever it is I'm going through in life...whether it's infertility, or pregnancy, or product information, or whatever other thing has been deemed super important in my life at the time.

I like research. I was one of those read the back of the shampoo bottle people while peeing, before cell phones were a thing, and I guess the need to learn a little something here and there is fun for me.


Listening to Gangster Rap: Oh Hi. Yes, I am probably the whitest white girl ever who knows all the lyrics to nearly every rap song that came out in the 90's.
Don't care.
Because I am basically TuPac's side bitch when I'm feeling sassy.
Mark is always thrilled with this.

Cleaning an entire room at lightning speed: Sometimes the need for me to clean something is so urgent, I would rather be late from work than step on crumbs one more morning.

Again...throw on some gangster rap and this white chick knows how to get down with her mop and broom.

Pulling my glasses down my nose when speaking to people:

I used to have a lady-boss that wore glasses. Whenever she would speak to someone she would pull her glasses down a bit and look over them, and it always made her look super bitchy.

And I loved it.

Without realizing it, I started doing the same thing.
The real reason is my eyesight for distance viewing is different than my glasses Rx, but let's just pretend I'm just putting off an air about me, m'kay?

Buying the good wine: I was a cheap date. There, I said it.
I used to be perfectly happy with whatever was on the bottom shelf at Trader Joe's.
And then I went through a year of fertility treatments and had to curb my alcohol intake.
And then I was lucky enough to sample some really good wine at a friend's house...and my thinking changed.

Now, I'm not about to drop $50+ on a bottle of wine for a Tuesday, but I have definitely allowed pricier options into my life. And I don't regret it one bit.

Hell, knowing it's more expensive has even curbed my consumption in general.
I savor it a bit more.

It's a win-win for my hang-over and my wallet

Living within our means:

Total dork here. Are you seeing a trend?
I get super giddy on payday....not to hit up the bar...but to pay bills for the month and drop money into savings. HOLLA 'ATCHA, SON.

Having debt gives me more anxiety and stress than I know how to handle.
We buy the big things when we can, and wait for the smaller stuff a lot of times.
I love not giving into my every whim...because there is always the bigger, better goal ahead.

Planning and budgeting towards the good stuff is my spice of life.

*it's worth noting that the cost of IVF and when and how they require payment is outside the immediate realm of living within our means. They are making a TON of money off our need to have a baby. 

Organizing my closet by Season and Color: Enough said.

Sincerely complimenting a woman:  Not like in Mean Girls

I mean like a REAL compliment. How another woman acts, how she carries herself, what an awesome job she did, what she's wearing...WHATEVER.

You may or may not have noticed that we women kind of, sort of have to work a lot harder for EVERYTHING we do (side eye times a million)...so when I see a lady rocking what she's got...I fucking tell her.

We have to lift each other up, yada yada ya. Girl Power, bitches. :)

Painting:
I forgot how much I love to spend a little bit of time creating something beautiful. Painting has always been fun for me and I've dabbled a bit more in it from time to time. It keeps me sane and level-headed during so many times of uncertainty.

Thinking I'm using a word correctly: Mark likes to point out that I use words in places they shouldn't be used. What he doesn't know, is that a lot of times I know I'm doing it and slyly grin when I can see his blood boiling. (and also I like to think I'm always right.)

ie..."I know! All that drama! It was like a chain connection or something!"

Do something for myself: This typically equals one of three things: Spending time in a hot epsom salt bath or pool (pending the season) with a glass of wine, hitting the gym at an odd hour (in lieu of my 5am normal routine), or sitting on my ass to watch a show only I want to watch, instead of what WE want to watch (and by we, I mean Mark.)

Apparently binge-watching Fixer Upper isn't something my husband is into.
Pssshh.

Hugging my dog:
When all else fails...I do this.
Like a really big, super squeeze-y hug that makes him squirm a bit.

He gets to lick my face and I get to snuggle a huge land manatee.

What are your go-to quirky happy times?

Thanks for reading!! XO

Gifts for the Infertility Warrior in Your Life

So your super awesome friend confided in you that she is having difficulty conceiving.

She finally feels confident enough to share her struggle because she is looking for support, but you quickly realize you have no idea what she's talking about.

She spurts out words like IVF, transfer, embryos, genetic testing, hormones, needles, baseline, low antral follicle, male factory infertility, etc, and you are left staring wide-eyed trying to make sense of it all.

It's okay, lady...you totally don't have to get it.

We infertiles are going through Hell and back trying to make a baby with science.
We have A LOT of hormones surging through our bodies, and worries about results, and pain from procedures for many, many days.
And through it all we are hoping to God that it's all worth it in the end.

And you...because you want to help, but don't really know how?
Fear not, for I have rounded up the best the very best gift ideas designed specifically for the gal in the wait.

Water Bottle // Believe Bracelet // Stress Fix Roller // Lucky Socks // Daily Affirmation Cards
Stress Fix Salts // Pineapple T-Shirt // Book - It Starts With the Egg // Book - Art of Waiting

A water bottle seems sort of....basic, right? I mean, who needs another water bottle. But I can assure you, after going through three retrievals, and two transfers, we require a lot of water before, during, and after the procedure. Gift her a cute one that isn't made of plastic. Her ovaries will thank you.

A mantra band is all the rage these days. Why not give her something she ACTUALLY wants to wear. A dainty rose-gold bracelet with a simple phrase....Believe. Sometimes we think that Journey song was written for us. ;)

My mom gifted me two items from Aveda, this stress oil roller and these lavender soaking salts. And they are literally the best things in my life. I keep that roller in my purse and use it at least twice a day, if not more. The smell really does calm your ass down when you're waiting for the next phone call from the nurse.

Lucky socks. There are tons out there. I took the plunge and purchased the "Retrieval Day" socks and could not have been happier. Those operating rooms are fairly cold and these babies keep those tootsies warm. Warm feet = happy embryos!

Sometimes we need a little extra pep talk. This deck of daily affirmations is the perfect desk accessory for the frazzled infertile. Super cute design and thoughtful words.

There are a ton of infertility-related t-shirts out there, but I just LOVE this t-shirt because it's allowing me to represent my infertility-warrior self without attracting too much attention.
Get what I'm saying?

Finally, books. We read. A lot. And a lot of times it's about stuff that is really relevant in our lives...like our egg quality or surviving the two-week wait. I love the feel of a real book in my hands and own both It Starts With The Egg and The Art of Waiting. They were very informative and appealing during different parts of my journey and a welcome distraction as the minutes slowly ticked away.

Happy Gifting! XO

To the Asshat That Questioned How I Bought My Car

I belong to a very small gym in my home town.
My schedule has always been roughly the same, and because of this, I typically see the same small crowd of people in the same small gym.

I don't talk to anyone because I hate most people.
I have never been one of those people that goes to the gym for social hour.
I am there to do what I have always done; try to keep this ass in check so I can keep up with my other love; sipping cocktails.

Par for the course, there is....that guy....at the gym.
You know the one...who feels like he JUST. HAS. to chat with everyone?
He makes small talk with most of the men, and for some reason....tries to with me.

It's worth mentioning that he doesn't bother talking to ANY of the other girls that show up at the same time.....just me.

Now, I'm not trying to act snooty, but I'm 100% sure he wouldn't even glance my way if his wife was around. Based on what I have noticed, he's a dad, mid-to-upper 40's, lives in the same town as me, he's probably a coach from one of his kid's sports teams, and seems like he would talk about grilling and mowing lawns a lot.

I have nothing against the guy.
I just don't feel like interacting with people, especially when I'm huffing and puffing on the treadmill.
I wouldn't even talk much to my own husband while at the gym...so you just know this guy is way lower on the totem pole.

My (second) all-time favorite interaction with him was when he...just happened to notice....that I didn't make it to the gym for a few months over the winter.

You know, because I was on exercise restriction due to pregnancy, and then grieving my miscarriage.

So...OF COURSE....on my first day back at the gym, he makes sure to run up and grab his jacket at the same time I'm walking through the door.

LOOKS LIKE YOU TOOK A BIT OF A VACATION FROM THE GYM OVER THE HOLIDAYS?!

I stare back at him, only able to mutter.....a vacation?!

No, not exactly....and I continue to put my stuff away and ignore him.

WELL...YOU TOOK SOME TIME OFF, AND THAT MUST HAVE BEEN A NICE BREAK.

oooohhhhh buddy.....if you only knew.

I have decided this lovely conversation is over and turn to start my workout.

Now, normally if someone blows you off like that, you would take the hint that maybe they don't want to talk to you.

But NOPE...not this guy.

I have done my best to not make eye contact...because I just know eye contact leads to a quick smile (on his end), which leads to some dumb fucking conversation about, well, nothing, and does nothing but waste my time.

I mean...for the record, this guy has never even bothered to ask my name, or any other initial formalities like you would when you meet someone new.

He always just starts talking like we were in the middle of a conversation already.
I find it odd.

So, a few months ago, I purchased a newer car to drive around in.
Mark and I are....car people.
And have a soft-spot for the Italian variety.
It's our thing.
You'll never see us running around in a Honda Civic.
We like unique looking cars with a bit of an edge.
And speed, for that matter.
Mostly speed.

We make a great team, because I'm cheap as Hell, and Mark does the research to find the best car for the best deal. It's a win-win for both of us.

So, this "new" car is ten years old, but was kept in pristine condition.
I loved the color combo and the mileage, and Mark loves the engine and the mechanics.

And it's now my daily driver.
Which I also happen to drive to the gym in.
Which Asshat has noticed, as is apparent in the next string of events.

So one random Wednesday morning, a couple weeks ago, I'm dying a slow death on the stair-machine, when good ole' Mr. Shitbag literally jumps into my line of sight and just starts talking.

His presence immediately annoys me.

My music is blaring, so I pause the stairs and pull the earbud out of my ear.

uhhhh....excuse me, what were you saying?

He squints his eyes and repeats himself slowly.

...How did YOU manage to buy THAT CAR?!

I actually think lasers darted out of my eyes at that point.
What the fuck did this ass bag just say?

As I, in no-way, have a poker face, I get all pissy and reply...

What the fuck does THAT mean?
I immediately throw my hand up

told him to

then turned around and continued my work-out.

I didn't want to make a scene.
But my heart was racing at that point.
All I'm thinking is....

What....because I'm YOUNGER than him?
BECAUSE I'M A GIRL?

What does he REALLY mean by that statement?
And WHY did he feel it was necessary to say it in the FIRST PLACE?

Is it so hard to believe that a WOMAN might be capable of working, buying, and DRIVING a "man's car"?

Is it so hard to believe that I ACTUALLY might be a GOOD driver and can handle it?
Is it so hard to believe that A MAN didn't GIFT me this car?
That I'm not just borrowing it?
That I'm not showing off?

That maybe, juuuust maybe, I deserve to drive whatever the fuck I want, just like everyone else is?

The way he approached this "conversation" was so ass-backwards, I couldn't wrap my head around it.

Why not start off with, "is that your car out there?" or "I like your car."
ANYTHING that doesn't sound back-handed and undermining.

But no....that's not what happened.
So here I am , confronted with yet another envious douche-bag, that feels it's appropriate to spout his two-cents and give me a piece of his mind.

So to the ass-hat that questioned how I acquired my car?

I bought it. Because I liked it.

And that's all I have to say about that.