Happy Monday

No, the title isn't some overly-caffeinated word-vomit spewing onto this page.
It's how I feel. It's a happy Monday, for me.....finally.

You see...the last few weeks I have been in a bit of a rut, and it all seems to come to a head on Monday's. I hate to be that cliche person, but Monday's have seemed to be extremely rough to get motivated, get back on schedule, stay focused, and most importantly...stay AWAKE.

So, I started to proactively seek changes in my routine and in my life in general.

For one, I decided my morning commute needed a bit of a boost. After reducing my commute time from nearly an hour and a half each way, down to 25 minutes, you would think that alone would be enough of a change to have me shouting from the rooftops.

And it did, for a couple of years.

But now, even though I get to sit in the comfort of my own vehicle and sip warm coffee, alone, which is something I always crave....two things kept me from really enjoying the commute.

First is what I listen to. I realized I am constantly battling with the radio. I like talk radio in the mornings and CAN. NOT. STAND. most new age music these days (as in whatever plays in between talk segments on Kiss FM. That is not actual music in my eyes.) so I was constantly flipping through the channels, distracted...which would then translate into me dashing in between cars and fighting against bumper to bumper traffic, trying to get my commute over with as quickly as possible so I didn't have to be annoyed any longer.

The second issue is my mind was constantly wandering. Now I know sometimes that can be a good thing when you're trying to come up with a plan or new idea, but anxiety stems directly from a wandering mind and it is not good for me.

My solution?  Podcasts.

I reached out to people on social media and set up my blue-tooth in the truck to stream some calming, yet inspiring conversations each morning.

And the change has been glorious.
Now I just seem to go with the flow and let my commute happen.  It takes relatively the same amount of time to get to and from work each day, so I just need to accept that time and make it as good as I can get it.

I get into work way less stressed out and angry, and it helps set a more positive tone for the day. I highly suggest doing this if you're looking for a change. I save the upbeat music for my commute home. :)

The bigger issue in my life stems from closing our journey with IVF and battling infertility, is my purpose. Granted, I do realize this isn't something that you just FIGURE OUT overnight, but I realized that perhaps I need to change things up a bit to feel more connected to my passions and dreams and home life.

I know I sound utterly cryptic...because, well...to be honest, it's terrifying to me.
To know in my heart I need to take this next step, is in constant battle with my sensible brain.
It's a hit on one of my biggest securities.
I plan to spend the next few months or so, solidifying my game plan and making sure I can do what my heart says I need to do.

I keep visualizing and longing for little things here and there, and it seems silly to keep putting them on the back-burner. Mark and I have always been those types of people to not "save all the good stuff" for retirement. We strive to live a more balanced life where we continue to save for the future, while simultaneously doing some of the bigger stuff now...while we are younger and have more energy.

We tend to walk a fine line of live in the moment vs. let's wait a while.

I think I'm in a good place to make some "crazy" changes. When everything comes to fruition it will likely be laughed at because it's really not that big of a deal. But I can assure you, to me, it's a huge deal.

I'm ready.

Yes, indeed. Keep the faith, my friends. XO

When Self Care is More Than a Face Mask

Self care has become an incredibly trendy phrase in recent months, wouldn't you think?
And with good reason.
Human beings, especially women, SHOULD be taking more time to care for the person that cares for everyone and everything else. Themselves.

Women are hard-wired to care for everything else around them; be it inanimate objects, relationships, pets, careers, and other human beings.

I always thought self care meant making sure to try a new face mask or take a bubble bath every so often. To slow down and smell the damn roses you have been preening for months.

This year, I learned that self care means making myself a priority to stop pushing potentially bigger issues to the back-burner.

I had two sort of major scares pop up this year.

The first, when I found a lump in my breast. After months of putting off testing, hoping it would just go away, I finally sought treatment. After a painful biopsy and mammogram, the lump was indeed there, but benign.

Months later, after a trip to Madison on our boat, I started getting serious dizzy spells. Dizzy spells that doubled my vision and made it nearly impossible to drive. For weeks, I hoped the general floating feeling and fuzzy-brain feelings would go away. The symptoms would come and go, and I found that if my heart-rate jumped, or I was dealing with something that sparked my anxiety (which was constant), my symptoms would come back full-force. It became exhausting to keep trying to focus on busy patterns or be alert in crowded spaces, or even read sentences on a computer screen.

I went in to see the doctor, who gave me a thorough one-over complete with blood-work. Everything came back normal. Still desperate for an answer I headed in the following week for an MRI. The days in waiting for that procedure were tough. As much as I tried to keep a level-head, the worry and what-ifs would creep in every now and then. I wanted to cancel the appointment so bad, but I knew not knowing would be worse.

I asked to start a Z-pack after my labs came back normal...because what if all this fuzziness was just some sort of whacky sinus infection? I'm sure the doc thought it was a feeble attempt, but I was clinging to anything that would allow me to feel like a normal person again.

I finished the final pill the morning I headed in for my MRI. And to be honest, my head did feel a bit better. Not 100%...but a tad more tolerable, maybe...even if only a placebo effect.

You guys...have you ever had an MRI completed?
Not. Fun.
I knew I would be put in a metal hot dog bun for nearly an hour, but when the tech told me there would be loud banging, I thought she was joking.
Um....no.
That loud, repetitive banging, followed by deafening bouts of solid, loud humming was overwhelming. When the humming lasted for more then a couple minutes, I swear to Jebus it triggered whatever was going on in my head and forced a panic attack.

As someone who didn't know if she was claustrophobic or had serious anxiety problems...I sure as Hell found out that day. I am not claustrophobic. I do have anxiety.

I kept envisioning floating in the pool, with Burn, our Bulldog, lounging on the side. It was the only thing keeping me sane, because the country music in the background sure wasn't.

And the results? Not overly shocking.
The MRI came back normal. (praise the Lord!)

Shortly after the anxiety wore off from the MRI, I dealt with a sinus infection.

As my cold receded, I thought for sure...this was it.
It was over. I'll feel better in no time.

And I did, temporarily.
Because it was the weekend.

But the overall buzzing sensation?
Vision issues and panic attacks?
They came back with a fury.

I realized I had not been treating myself with the respect I deserve, with the self-care that is so important in life. I realized I had to stop putting myself on the back burner and take action.

It was more than a face mask and a glass of wine, that's for sure.
Stay tuned for what really happened.

XO

10 things that will never fail you

Now that I am an affluent member of Linkedin (meaning, I check in often to see who is creeping on my profile) I have found various articles written that speak to job seekers and employers on a multitude of topics.  Booorrrrriiinnngggg.

And then I came across this list, and realized how amazing it is. Let's delve into the details, shall we?

1. Honesty- This. All day every day. You make an honest living, you reap the rewards of a fulfilled life. You speak honestly about what you want, you get what you need in your life. You are open and honest to your husband, in turn, he will respect and treat you like the queen you are.
Honesty really is the best policy. I have left jobs in the past because how they were running their company spoke against every morale grain in my soul and I just couldn't be a part of it. I have left relationships that just weren't open and honest. You can't force someone to be honest, but at the end of the day, you can sleep better knowing you were as forthcoming as possible.

2. Integrity- This is a word you will find plastered all over everything. From your office mission statement to girl scout cookies, integrity is key. But what is integrity? Integrity is an adherence to moral and ethical principles. Going along with honesty, it's what keeps you on the straight and narrow. It drives a company to make an honest product. In the days chock-full of fillers, GMO's, chemicals, false claims...the list goes on, those with integrity stick to their guns because they know it's right.

3. Hard work- I have said it a million times, Life. Is. Hard. It takes hard work to get ahead, to get moving, hell, to just get up in the morning. There is NOTHING more rewarding than putting in a days worth of hard work. I don't care what it is you do; whether you are a SAHM, a career woman, a Blue Collar worker, or a CEO, hard work is hard work. If you work hard for something, even if you fail temporarily, you have set yourself up to do better next time, or try something different. Bystanders in life aren't living.

4. Being nice- There is a fine line between being a push-over and being a nice person. Sometimes you need to be a bitch, and that's okay. But being a bitch in a casual setting, or at a family affair, or in general ain't gonna cut it. Neither is being a push-over. You don't always want to be the Yes (wo)Man. Difficult situations take a bit of finesse and it is usually better to start off as being pleasant and dig your shoulder in later, if you have to. Being nice is actually difficult for me sometimes (shocking) because I look at situations with a bit of a pessimist eye and judge far too easily. But, it hurts my chee to be a shitty person and it's nice to take a step back and just be....nice.

5. Be excellent at what you do- I have been at far too many interviews to count recently. It has been exhausting but has helped me immensely by defining what is IS that I am good at. Over the years, I have found I'm not excellent at any particular thing, but that is what makes me excellent. Bear with me. See....with all my job titles, Showroom Manager, Office Manager, Executive Assistant, Designer, you are required to learn a set of skills and make them great. And while all of those skills are fine and dandy, they aren't unique to me. Most people can be taught to negotiate a contract or fax a file or clean up an office or whatever.
I am an excellent read of character and situations.
And that statement is hard to sell someone on when you are looking to land a job.
I love learning mannerisms of people....what makes them tick. I can tell, almost immediately, if someone is full of shit or genuine. I learn your quirks, I read your facial expressions, I can tell if you are lying, and it has helped me leverage my career with client and vendor negotiations, my own salary requirements, and life in general.
I am the one people go to when a fire needs to be put out (metaphorically speaking). I can find a solution to anything, or have the experience to put to work that others don't.

6. Exceeding Expectations- what sets you apart from others? When you are given a task, what do you do that makes you better than everyone else? At one job, my first week I went to Starbucks with my new boss and we told our orders to the barista. I made sure to remember his complicated order (seriously, I still remember it. Iced triple grande, 2%, no-whip, easy-mocha, mocha) and the next regular meeting we had, I brought him that silly order. It was a stressful time in the office, but it took the edge off of the tension. Going that extra step, sometimes, helps you in life.
Please don't be an ass-kisser on the reg, but going the extra mile can only help you and your surroundings when the time calls for it.

7. Spending less than you earn- This one is a no-brainer, but since everyone has a credit card (or two, or three) these days, this one is easily overlooked. You can't get ahead if you get your paycheck and blow it all the next day. You just can't. And whatever your definition of getting ahead is, whether it's paying off a debt (car, loan, etc), buying that new shiny thing, or simply living simply, you can't do it if you max out your finances all the time. Because what happens on the karma-train? Shit hits the fan and something traumatic happens and you are left with a huge bill because you didn't anticipate it.
Bad things happen in life, and while you can't always be prepared, having a bit of cushion (for the pushin') helps ease the blow (twss).

which leads me to...

8. Save as much as you possibly can- We handle this one in a weird way, I think. We save to spend, these days. We don't have a huge nest egg, although I do contribute to retirement plans and they are slowly building. Every paycheck that comes in automatically gets a hunk taken out for savings. And those savings will ultimately pay for something that we can't afford right because I won't play the credit card karma game. We will save for a kitchen until we can pay for it in full. And that will drain our savings, and then we will move onto the next thing. The key to saving is you must pay to your savings before you pay for fun, day to day items, otherwise, you will never have any.
Don't pay for savings with "what's left" at the end of your paycheck. Because guess what? There won't be any, or there will be much less than what you wanted.

9. Be charitable with your time, talents, and money- This doesn't mean give your change to every homeless person on the street. You'd go broke if you did. Especially in Chicago. What it means is...if you can do something really well, be open to lending a helping hand if someone can't do that thing. I am really good at painting, and I willingly help friends paint rooms in their own homes from time to time. I will get tipsy and come across a dog that needs help with some sort of live-saving surgery, and will dump a few bucks to the cause. My mom will need help moving photos from her camera to her desktop (the files are IN the computer?) so I'll spend a few minutes showing her how. Don't run yourself ragged trying to be Mother Teresa, but if the opportunity presents itself, jump on it. Tacit knowledge is powerful and is always much more efficient to do if you can't teach it. (now go Google what the phrase tacit knowledge is...I had to learn it at work!)

and finally...

10. Your sense of humor- Dudes, life is fucked up sometimes. And sometimes it just gets so overwhelming that all you can do is laugh. You are guaranteed to look like a crazy person, but laughing really is the best medicine. Don't take yourself or others too seriously. Learn the art of sarcasm. And if all else fails, you can always tell a dick joke.
In my interview that landed my new job, I think I quoted Office Space a couple of times. I can't help it. Funny movie quotes are my jam. Life can't always be serious. And if you find it to be that way, you can always turn to me for a laugh. I'll be sitting at the wedding table in the corner with the light "burned out" over top. You know, the inappropriate table?
Pull up a seat and your big girl panties and let's get it rockin'.

Have a great day!