A Typical Morning Convo

During the winter, Mark doesn't have to rush off to work before sunrise since he tends to spend most of his days outdoor and the weather is currently -390. In the sun.

Therefore, we get to actually see each other in the mornings and it's sort of....insane.

Mark has been up at least an hour before me so that he can eat his Eggo's and watch Fox News, while I'm struggling to not hit snooze for the 11th time and make it out the door by 7am since it's an Orangetheory Day and my schedule cannot. be. messed. up.

Once Mark has successfully inhaled his morning sugar breakfast, he will burst into the bathroom, always while I'm drying my hair and can't really hear that well and he'll start off with something like this.

We need to talk about your recycling habits.

No, we don't. I recycle and care about the environment. The end. *as I flip my head upside down to perfect the bouffant I am trying to attempt for work*

You can't just throw out candles with wax in them. 

It's glass. Glass is recyclable. I don't see the issue. 

The issue is there is wax in them.

Then take it up with Bed Bath because I'M NOT THE ONE that designed the candles that don't burn out all the wax. And I tried doing the freeze-the-wax-outta-them thing and all it ended up doing is exploding in our freezer and leaving shards of glass everywhere.

You never cleaned that out?

What does that have to do with your recycling issue?! 

*Mark shakes his head* You can't combine recyclables. If something has garbage in it or two types of recyclable materials, then it can't be recycled.

WHAT ARE YOU THE FUCKING RECYCLE POLICE? DID YOU LEARN THIS IN RECYCLE SCHOOL?! Get off my ass. 

You're basically making us have two garbages instead of one recycling and one garbage bin.

I'm not changing. The recycling people can fix it if they are so concerned. I thought you had that huge conspiracy theory that there isn't a recycling company anyways?! What about that? 

If that's so true then in theory I'm just helping your cause since it doesn't matter anyways right?

I am basically separating our garbage into gross garbage and not-covered-in-ketchup garbage.

If anything I'm helping people in this case. You should be thanking me! 

That's not how it works.

Maybe just spray paint the lid of the recyling bin green and all of this is resolved right? 

*I dab no-itch cream on my neck rash that seemingly popped up out of nowhere*

Does this look contagious? 

*Mark examines himself in the mirror*

Men need hair, you know.

.....what.

I mean, I am devilishly good looking, but this tuft of hair I'm holding on to needs to stay put and not start coming out of my ears.

*I sigh because I have seen a receding halo hairline around the top of his head for quite some time but Heaven forbid I say anything*

Yes, I am well aware of your rugged good looks. It's the main reason I married you.

Damn straight. I gotta go. 

*reaches out and smashes his face into mine in an attempt to kiss my face*

Hot.