2013 Year In Review

Holy. Shit.
I just dug up pics from all the cool shit we did this year and it's pretty unbelievable.

There were some less than fun things that happened, or should I say, didn't happen this year that I won't forget. These things were less than appealing or fun, and I struggled with coming to terms with some of them.

I can only say that they, in turn, made me a bit stronger,
a bit wiser,
a bit more forgiving,
a bit more humble,
maybe more relaxed knowing a lot of shit is out of my hands.

Now onto the stuff that really matters.
The fun stuff!

Merry Christmas Ya Filthy Animal!

Do something good for the Holidays!

LIKE me on Facebook for all the other insane photos and shenanigans!

FOLLOW me via GFC or Bloglovin' (links on the left side of the screen!)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Getting a head start for the New Year Fitness Craze

I am realizing I have just been far too lazy with any kind of workout regime in the last few months.
I know I always feel awesome after a workout and yet, it is so much easier to stay curled up on the couch these days.
My body is literally aching to move though.
I find myself NEEDING to stretch, to flex, to do anything that isn't sitting.

I could blame stress and schedules but we all know those are just excuses.
Exercise eases stress and helps calm a packed schedule.

The Christmas Spirit

We had been prepping for the Annual Family Christmas Party all week.

This is the one chance for my side of the extended family to get together during the Holidays because Thanksgiving and Christmas are tied up with immediate family and attempting to juggle more than two sides of a family at one time can get stressful.
I don't know how people with "more sides" handle it. 
There just isn't enough time.

So, like I said, we have had a bit of a rough patch with our family. 
Bayou and I stayed strong, without any tiffs, through the whole thing, but we are far past due for some fun.

Enter the Crazy Poklen Christmas.

Hope for the Holidays

This week has been trying.
A lot has happened, changed, evolved, since the last post.
And that was only a week ago.

My outlook on what is important and worth fighting for and worth listening to and how to go about things has shifted.
For the better, I hope.

It's about us, right now

The last 24 hours have been insane.
I actually won't be getting into a lot of details, but some bad shit happened.
Everyone in my home is on the mend, and everyone is alive and safe, so no need to worry too much.

Just know that apparently it took a bad chain of events  to get me to snap out of my pity party.

Bring it on.....life

So...you know how life only throws you as much as you can handle?
Well, I think that is happening to me and quite frankly, I'm not sure I should just admit defeat or be pissed that apparently this is it.
This is how much we can handle.

I should just deal the hand we have been dealt and that's that.

So here's the deal.

Operation Chill the F Out

I made the call.
I called my obgyn and admitted to the receptionist that I need help.
It was a very depressing and humbling phone call to make, seeing as I have always been one to take the stubborn route and do things on my own.

I am trying to make the best of the situation but it's difficult.
It's scary to think how much worse it could really be and to what length I would go to to have a perfect little baby of my own.

F*%K all the things

Fuck you.
Fuck me.
Fuck all the things.

A whole lotta nothing....

So dudes.
I don't know what has gotten into me recently.
I mentioned briefly last night on Facebook that I have been in this weird, dismal, mood....A LOT...recently, and two fabulous ladies immediately commented saying I'm probably preggers.

Which...don't get me wrong, would be awesome, I just can't fathom that this funk and bad mood can stem from something so monumental as THAT.

Plus, it's way too early.
I'm not putting any bets on me spitting piss and vinegar on the fact that I am growing another human.
The Googles told me to knock it off...it's not a thing.

Shoveling and Squatting

What is up heauxs
(totally stealing that word from you Val, hope your sassy ass doesn't mind!)

Let's get with my plan for this week.
It's good to try and have an idea of what you want to accomplish with workouts, and set yourself up to succeed. I should probably start taking my own advice more consistently as well.

Riding the maintenance work out pony

Guess what happens when another blogger, I won't name names, *Ahem* Holly, holds you accountable for your fitness journey and send you praise but the reality if your fitness journey is now basically non-existent?

Oh right.....you get back on that damn horse and keep it rockin'.

Here's what I have been up to:

I'm still here....

Hi.

I'm still here.

Swearsies.

Just been hyper focused on some stuff in my life that I can't exactly control, but am doing everything in my power to make the impossible, possible.

It's been hard to write, and I didn't want to write anything lame just to fill space.

Shocking, I know, because I'm real good at rambling.

Anyways....more junk in the future. 

Stay Classy, my friends.

MIA TBag. Out.

These two don't know how good they have it. A letter to my dogs....

Dear Crash and Burn,

Ever since I got my first real paycheck and considered myself responsible, I always knew there would be dogs in my life regardless of any spouses, friends, or family.

Bulldogs, to be specific.

But I never would have thought my life would be how it is these days with you two.

Technologic

Let's talk about gadgets, shall we?

So....about a year ago I flipped my shit trying to upload and edit a video on YouTube.

Flipped out so much that I launched my laptop across the room.

Buh bye hard drive.

Hurry up and wait

I've been staring at this blank blogger template for days.
OK..not days but like, many minutes, for the past two days.

I'm all....."I don't have anything to write about!! How can this be??"

And then I just stopped thinking (hardy har...I know...it's not hard for me to do that)
and realized WHY I can't think of anything to write about.

Trials and Tribulations of living in a New Old House

oh hey!
So we realized all too quickly last night that we wouldn't get any trick-or-treaters.

Why?
Forgetting that fact that we don't actually live in one of "those" subdivisions...you know the ones:

Thirsty Thursday Halloween Drink Link-Up!

Happy Halloween Ghouls and Guys!!

For Halloween I get the honor of teaming up with Kristin at Hopelessly Ever After and linking up a spooky and festive Halloween Drink!!

Mine is a slight modification via Martha Stewart called Bloody Scary

ooohhhhHHHHH  OOOOOHHHHhhhhhhh (those are scary ghost sounds.....obv)

Ready? Let's get mixing!

I think I have Ebola, and here's why

If you follow me on Facebook, you know I stayed home sick today.

I may or may not have contracted Ebola and may or may not be high as Hell off of Benadryl.

So here are the reasons that are probably leading to me dying a slow death by drowning in a pile of my own snot.

Nice visual, eh?  You're welcome.

Costume Par-tay

I wanted to start off this post real quick like with a little shout out to all the new followers of my TBags.
Hey there!
I hope you are, at best, dismally impressed.
I spend minutes working on what I spew out of my mouthhole and onto the interwebs every couple of days.

I wanted to reach out and support Kristin, but seeing as I didn't actually know how these giveaways work, or how to promote them, I am SHOCKED, to say the least, of how many of you want to support ME as well.
Or maybe you just really, really want some free goodies.

Which is fine too.
Let's not kid ourselves.

Just Say Yes

It's Monday.
I had a rather successful and fulfilling weekend seeing as it started out on kind of a shitty note.

See, remember that Halloween Movie Marathon I was planning for?
Well, it didn't happen.
I had a slew of cancellations at the 11th hour and the last chunk of them happened as I was standing in Binny's.

The bright side?
I had yet to make any serious purchases for the evening. Besides booze, but that's alright with me.

But I was bummed.
So I went home and had a pity party to Bayou.
I really was upset.

I started doubting my likeability as a person, my ability to throw parties, the whole shebang.

Do I smell? Am I the smelly girl that people play nice around but really don't want to see?

Halloween Movie Night

I think my age is showing.

No worries, my coo is covered.
I'm just saying that this Halloween, although I am DEFINITELY in the spirit of the holidayz, I don't have much desire to figure out a good costume, or to wear said costume anywhere, or all that jazz.

No, this year I wanted to host a little spooky gathering with some ladies of the night, sit back, watch some scary movies, drink some spooky libations and eat some spooky food.

That's right, Martha Stewart the shit out of one night.

Well friends, that night is tomorrow.

And guess what I have planned?

Not a damn thing.

GROUP GIVEAWAY and Fancy Drink Link-up!!

Good morning party people!!

I am honored to join a group of fabulous blogging ladies (and avid drinkers, I might add) to do two things:

Share a delicious libation with Kristin at Hopelessly Ever After
And....
since she has reached 200 followers, we are all helping her celebrate by gifting you fine folks with some
FREE SHIT!!

I am contributing a $25 Giftcard to Pier 1 just in time to buy yo' self some fun holiday decor for your house!! Class it up a bit!

Check out what the other ladies are offering as well!!

You have a few options to enter the contest.

1) Lank your drank. You will get points for submitting a drink and linking up with us.

2) Using the Rafflecopter below, Follow Gilded on Facebook and GFC (Google Friends Connect, for non-blogging folks)

Got it? Aaaaand GO!!

A typical morning

Every morning I wake up with my first alarm only to hit snooze and spend those next eight minutes "shopping" my closet for what to wear that day, deciding if I need rain boots, which coat, what accessories, what I need to bring for work, etc.
The next alarm goes off and I jump out of bed.
Not literally, I did that once and tripped over my phone cord, grabbed onto the drapery to brace myself, then took the entire thing down as I landed on my side.
Getting up the past few days has been a bit of a challenge.
See, I took my first hot yoga class over the weekend, and, while I have attended many in the past, it's been a spell since those days.
The instructor had me twisting into different poses that I wasn't familiar with and the chances of me breaking a rib seemed likely.
Needless to say I'm a bit busted.
Like your mom after a busy Tuesday.

Rough Patch

And I'm not talking about my heels.
Gross out.

No, I'm talking about how Bayou and I are running circles through a seemingly never ending cycle of who can out-degrade the other one.
Like, I might stab him in his sleep and maybe laugh about it.
Just kidding. Not really.

Running Makes me DO. Number TWO.

Dudes.

I have had a revelation.
A revelation in the skinnies!
Some may think that running is good cardio and burns calories and whips you into shape.
But those fools would be wrong.

What it triggers is another problem.

 *DISCLAIMER*
It's about to get shitty up in here. Lit-rally.

This is Halloween

Wow.
What a sad sap I was last week. I hate those weeks!
I kicked it into high gear this weekend and forced myself to stop actin' a fool and start acting more like a normal human being.

I am sure you are glad as well.

I don't normally do weekend recaps but this one was jam packed with good times.
To me anyways.
I hardly left the house.
All I need to make me happy are mountains of Halloween decor just waiting to be assembled, and some decent weather to do it in!

The sads

If you follow me on Facebook, then you know I posted a sad comment last night.
Sorry people, it's not always sunshine and roses.

I am usually one to spew hilariousness, and sometimes rage, and sometimes some motivation, but the sads tend to stay on lock down.

Time...why you punish me?

And now I have Hootie and the Blowfish in my head.

After reading through some of my favorite blog posts today, I noticed a trend.
Reminiscing about where we were one year ago today.
I thought this was rather fitting, and, lucky for me, I have been blogging for over a year and can look back to what I said.
The beginning of October 2012 had my panties in quite a bunch, it seemed.

Did you know sweet potatoes are amazing?

So, I still don't feel 100% at home in the new joint.
I know, it's only been two weeks.
But I am realizing a lot of my tchochke crap that fills the corners of every room and the face of the fridge and a million additional Halloween decorations and probably my good dishes, are all still sitting in a pile in Bayou's shop.
You know, to get rid of the clutter for our feeble attempts to sell our house?

Speaking of Halloween.
Our new house presents new challenges with Halloween decorating.
Good and bad.

This is a Story.....Part 4

Still lost?

Make sure you catch up with Parts 1, then 2, then 3....and let's wrap this shit up already!

I am teetering on the brink of quitting my job.
Going against everything I was told was right.
Giving up.
Letting go.

This is a Story....Part 3

Fancy seeing you here! Let's continue our path down memory lane.

Catch up, will ya! 

Here is Part 1.
And Part 2.

Whew.......leggo!!!

This is a story....Part 2

Just catching up or new around here?
I'm rappin' about the brief, and boring, history of how Bayou and I came to be in our new digs.

Here is Part 1 to catch up.

We were deflated.
It seemed like we would be stuck in this home for the long haul, because, well....what could we do?

This is a story all about how, my life got flipped turned upside down.....Part 1

I started to write to get some frustrations out about some family drama, and while I may end up getting to that, what ended up happening instead was a walk down memory lane and how my husband got to where we are today. It's long and goes off on tangents so will broken up in sections.

Here is #1.

Five years ago, Bayou and I sat in our little hottub, amidst a snowy background.
Dressed in bathing suits and winter hats, we drank wine while looking up at our rooftop Christmas lights.

We talked about our future together in that home, what we would like to upgrade or add on, what we had grown tired of, what we hated.
If we ever moved, we wanted it to be THE home. Bayou had already moved a few times, from rental to rental, and finally settled into this home a few years prior. He ferociously warned me of the "joys" of moving.
I smiled wildly, both not really knowing what he meant and thinking,

How hard could it really be? We aren't hoarders.

Oh Well.

Life.
You twisted bastard.

So, I am not going to get into much detail, but I can tell you this:
Apparently my life was going along too swimmingly this last week or so and it needed to knock me down a peg.
To stop gloating.
To stop reveling in how easy everything was happening.

Well, I suppose I should say this much.

I wide da Twain

Dudes, I didn't have much motivation for writing anything in particular this morning until a squacking lady bird entered my train car.
Jesus baby of the rings...what is WITH people not understanding that they are in a public area and no one else gives a damn what your drama is!?
No one.
Everyone can hear you.
Especially the poor sap on the other end.

This lends me to discuss some important points of

Proper Train Etiquette 

aka

Don't Be A Jagoff to Everyone Else in the History of Ever. 

This will become an ongoing series so pay attention fools.

Oops....We Did It Again

Who put our home back on the market on Friday?
We did.

Who caught a guy snooping around our home Sunday afternoon?
I did.

Who convinced him he should buy our home?
We did.

And who is officially under contract with said creeper and sold our house again in two days?
US!

That's right. Done and done. Another exciting chapter hopefully closed again.
Here's how it went down.

Dear Buyer....

An Open Letter to the Buyer of our Home:

Dear Buyer, we think we need to break up with you.

The List

Imma gonna take a hot minute,

(and it is literally HOT in my train car. No power, no A/C, but I am too stubborn to move because it is quiet in here and I got a sweet ass seat to myself. It's the little things people. Now....if the guy blaring that song 'How. Does it feel. To treat me like you do.....' could just go ahead and walk away it would be perfect) 

to tell everyone the awesome home stuff that has been happening.

Our attorney sends over The List on Monday.
What's The List, you ask?

Drop the Mic....I mean temps

Oh hey! Fancy seeing you here!
Let's take a moment to revisit the whole reason I started blogging in the first place!

And a one, and a two, and a......

Inspector Gadget

Happy Friday ya'll!
Hope everyone will be attempting to take advantage  of something outdoors-y this weekend. Even if it's just drankin' on your porch! 

Last night I slept like a boss.
I am a rather light sleeper, but when the alarm went off this morning, dreams of Mr. Tatum were still fluttering in my brain.

So what's new on the homefront?

What has TBag been up to?

I think I'm ready to come back.

"Go to the light Carol-Anne!"

Summer is, sadly, on its way out, and today couldn't be a more perfect milestone in my life to share with the masses and stake my claim back in the blogging world.

Today is my motha f-ing birthday.
And not just any birthday.
A new decade.
Dirty. Thirty.

However, we will be postponing any major festivities for about a month.

Why?

Well....here is what we have been up to in the last couple of months.

Blog's out for Summer!

Hello everyone!
Gilded will be on a bit of a hiatus this summer, or, at least until I have something more awesome to report on that how I was on a boat or a beach every weekend, or how my suntan lines are out of control, or how many mosquito bites I have to date, or what I got drunk off of this week, and so on and so forth.

Get out there....get off the interwebs and LIVE!!!

Happy Summer Ya'll!!

300/30 Ab Challenge Results

 What do you get when you "attempt" to do abs for "30 days" with Holly and Petit Athleat

This is 50% slacking, 50% running a tad more and some abs here and there.  And maybe a bit BM the night before...which of course makes me feel supah skinny  y'all.  Ha. Gross.  Delete that from your memory.

Ready?  Go!

Weekend Ridiculous-ness

So this post coincides with Courtney's WWWW link-up (What We Wore Wednesdays).

This is my first get-up from over the weekend.  I needed the "perfect" outfit for semi-cooler weather, a lot of gravel and sand, and to look "classy" but not too ridiculous for a biker bar/boating pit-stop.

Do I have your attention yet?

No?

Perfect.  This is What I Wore.

Let's call it Maintenance

Well good morning!

I kept thinking that Holly would be doing the "1 month results Ab Challenge" yesterday so I prepared by eating cupcakes and drinking. 
PS- Homegirl....are we doing that? If so...holla atcha gurl!

Anywho...I, along with most people in the blogosphere, did the same thing....and quit after 2 weeks. 
Not that I don't want to have super awesome killer 8 pack abs. It's just not my thang, apparently.

I dedicated to doing it 3 full times the first week....then a pile of workouts the second week, then not a damn thing the third week, and I went running twice this last week.  Does that count?
Maybe not.
So let's call this photo comparison....maintenance.

Liebster Award....finally!

A billionty years ago, Gilded was nominated for a lil ole award called The Liebster.
And since I was supposed to do a bunch of things to "pay it forward" I basically forgot about dismissed it for weeks....
Until now.

What I'm swallowing now.....

Let's keep it clean people.

Oh heeeeyyyy.....I'm here. I was just having a bit of a mental breakdown last week and decided it would be best, since I couldn't actually find a coherent thought, to keep you guessing as to why I disappeared.

It's been a spell.

So here's the thing.  And men-folk...this is going to be heavy on the lady-time talk.
And I don't just mean my flow.  Ha....okay that's enough.
Menstrual jokes aren't funny. Period.

BOOM.

You've been warned.

Make mine a Double....Thirsty Thursday Link-Up

Time to pour another one out for my homie.

Alicia is hosting Thirsty Thursday's link-up today.  You should join!
We talk about boozes we have drank, are drinking now, and will be drinking in the future.
Get some ideas and tell her your fave!

My drink today is a twist on an old timey favorite: the Tom Collins

I <3 Mr. Collins more than, almost as much as I <3 Bayou sometimes.  He's that good.

And lucky for me, Bayou has a family that loves Tom as much as I do and they have adjusted his ingredients to, dare I say, make it even MORE delicious.

But I'll do it two ways (that's what she said)

The good ole' stand by and our modification.

Ready? Go!

Setting the bar low.....what I'm wearing

Oh hey gurrrl, HEY!

I'm linking up today with my homegirl Courtney and bringing a little trash to her classy food blog.

You should do it too. 

Me? I tried, and took a picture in my office bathroom this morning of my sassy outfit. 

Voila.  These are the clothes I wear to impress people. Aren't you impressed?

Maxi dress and 3/4 length blazer from Kohl's (Lauren Conrad).

Necklace: Express (and it's broken....so there ya go)

And this is what shit looks like on the weekends when it's cold out and we have no plans:

In Loving Memory.....

This weekend was tough.
I get so worried about the feelings and emotions of others that when it's most important to realize what is making my own heart ache......I push it way down into my gut and move forward.
It's not until I am pleading with others to "just be honest" with me that I finally realize I am not being honest with myself.

Today, unfortunately, marks one whole year without one of the most influential men in my life, my Papa.

My mother's father, he stood out from the rest of my family as a man among men.
A gentle soul.

Man Pretty

Behold the one-sided conversation that took place over dinner last night.
I'm sorry to say this is 100% real and just a small glimpse into the daily joy of living with my husband.

Back story, you may or may not know that my husband is extremely, a tad eccentric from time to time, and he had a rough day at work, so I let this conversation unfold without giving him too much shit.

Bayou: "TBag, grab a pen and paper so we can take dictation of what I'm about to tell you. It's important."

Me: "How about I just memorize it, I'm good at that."

Bayou: "Fine, but don't get sad when you can't remember it all."

Me: "I will try." *while stifling laughter*

Bayou: "We are going to be counting all the ways I'm pretty .....Man pretty."

So Pretty.

A drop in the Summer Bucket List

Time for another link-up!!

Welcome my home girl Holly and her lady friend Trista as we chat about what's the hap for Summer.

 Here are mine.

Sweat @ Home: (Wo)Man up to the Pull-Up Bar

Whaddup fellow workout buffs?!

I made you another video.  It's pretty.

I have an issue with the stigma that ladies can't do any and all workouts that men can do.
So to prove it, I have made you a video to walk through how to get started at home, in privacy.
So while you are grunting and struggling, no one has to know about it.

This. Is. Spaaarrttaaaa!!!

So remember when I was all.....

Let's work out a millionty hours and whip our ass into shape?

And then I DID.....for 8 WEEKS!?

I got 99 problems....no wait!! I have 100 posts!!

This is my 100th post!
And maybe it's no big deal, but I just reached 7,000 page views as well!
We are within one month from Gilded's one year anniversary so I suppose it's only right to rehash what has happened in the last 365 days....the good, the bad, the ugly.

Here we go.

Thirsty Thursday Link-Up!

You know this booze canoe can't pass up an opportunity to think about or talk about drankin'.

I'm linking up today with a couple of fancy boozehounds, Brew Mama, and Hopelessly Ever After, and sharing a go-to weekend cocktail.

 

Let's do this.

Your mom likes Polls.....and so do we! Also? PiYo Class Updates!!

Hi All,

Local people have had the luxury of casually seeing my ass each weekend in PiYo Classes.
For FREE.  I'm sure the view is lovely.

But we are closing in on the honeymoon phase and it's time.
It's commitment time.

Here's the deal:

Miami Story Part 3: What the Hell is Vizcaya?

Part 3 y'all!!

Catch up if you need to.

Part 1 is HERE!
Part 2 is HERE!

So I lost half my bikini....nearly broke my ankle, and met Bon Qui Qui....and I'm sure you're thinking,
"How could your vacation get any better?"

With straight up old school eye candy...my friend.

Finish the Sentence Link-Up!- Round Deuce

Team Jake and Team Holly in the hiz-ouse!  OK...sorry, my emotions and excitement got the best of me.

Today is another round of FINISH THE SENTENCE LINK-UP with homegirl Holly and her wanna be boyfriend, Jake.

Let's do this:

Miami Story Part 2: How to avoid tourist traps and Get Yo'self a DELCIOUS cuban sandwich

And we're back....

So if you need to catch up on all the shenanigans...HERE IS PART 1

Like I was saying, the first night in, we were hoping for a less expensive, yet delicious Cuban Sandwich. We head out on the town, and stupidly start walking into Lincoln Road Mall.

Miami Story Part 1: Girls Gone Wild

We survived. We made it home.

Miami rocked my top off. (It actually did, and I'll get to that later).

I don't know what it is about Miami....but it gets into my blood and we basically go insane for the 2-3 days we can afford to slip away.

I hit a wall.....

Yo.

So sowwy long time I have been MIA since MIA .......(get it? No? moving on....)

I have hit a freaking wall this week.

I was as excited as a kid on Christmas Eve about vacation and the second we stepped foot onto sand with the sun a blazin' and the heat at roughly 85 degrees...we just went
APE. SHIT. CRAZY.
Like....partying like I was 21 again crazy.

Man oh man....am I so NOT 21 anymore. Sweet Jebus.

A little somethin' somethin' about myself....30 to be exact.

Imitation is the best form of flattery....so this one stems from a recent post from The Life From Jake where he listed 24 things about himself for all the people in all the lands to know about. And then my girl Reba K. did it so I knew I had to jump on board.  I saw their 24 and raised them 30.


Here are mine:

8 Week COMPARISON Progress Photos and Stats!!

8 WEEKS.

2 MONTHS.

5 WORKOUTS EACH WEEK.

SLIGHTLY MODIFIED EATING AND DRINKING HABITS. 

(Less sodium, less sugar, a little less booze. Very few bread-related carbs until dinner)

THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MAKE 

A LIFESTYLE CHANGE INSTEAD OF A QUICK FIX.

READY??  

LET'S CHECK OUT MY PROGRESS SINCE WEEK 1, SHALL WE?!

Code Red

Good morning!
This post has nothing to do with fitness, you lucky bastards!

 It DOES have to do with lady time, so men-folk of the world, feel free to click that red X in the upper right hand portion of your screen and get out while you still have your dignity....ha, just kidding, if you are reading this blog and are a dude, I know your kind, and I know you have as much class as a Canadian tuxedo.

Denim on denim on mullet.

I'm getting TBagged by Kettlebells....

Dudes.

These kettlebells are no joke.

One is 20lbs and one is 30lbs....can you guess which is which?

Weekend Recap and Photo Dump Monday

Good morning weekend warriors!
I apologize for my absence over the weekend.....to say I was busy was an understatement!
By Sunday night I felt like this....

Over it.

Show your face, I mean LOVE...stalkers. You know who you are.

DUDES.

It's time.

Time to fess up that you have been checking out the goods.

Time to come forward about your shameful acts.

I know who you are.

(Okay, I really don't...but I WOULD LIKE TO!)

It's time to show my TBag Blog a little lovin'

I promise there is enough cushin' for the pushin'

ARE YOU A BLOGGER?

That is fucking awesome.  Then you already know your responsibility!!

And there are so many options to choose from!!

You have a bunch of fancy icons over there

<---------------------------

Bloglovin'

Blogger

..............................

OK, maybe that's it....ha.

And for the rest of you?  

Friends, family, random stalkers, non-tech/blog people?

Gilded has a Facebook page!

Go HERE  and LIKE that page.  

Do it.  It's gonna be so awesome. Promise.

Also? 

I post funny pics to Pinterest HERE.

There are also Facebook and Pinterest buttons ovah here

<---------------------------------

You could go fucking crazy and LIKE them all!! 

I DARE YOU, YOU DIRTY BIRD!!

Let's get this crazy party started people!

Show me some love in the most non-gross way possible!

I can see you walking next to me so I know you're into romance.

 

Forced Romance. TBag. Out.

It's flooding outside and the trains are at a halt, so I'm doing a LINK UP!!

Today's post is not fitness related AT ALL!

Can you believe that?! 

This post is way more fun and a great way for me to "meet" fellow bloggers.

Today's Link Up is brought to you by Holly and Jake. Their blogs are HERE and HERE.

Let's get started shall we?

Life in the Fast and Furious lane

Did you know my husband was in the "award winning movie series" The Fast and The Furious?

Image courtesy of The Fast and the Furious, The Movie

Workin' out Ghetto-Style with a tight budget

I know most people have a completely stocked home gym in their spare bedroom and can therefore save some brain cells from reading the rest of this post.

Wait....what's that you say?

You are barely scraping by with enough cash to shove some EZ Mac and box wine in your face hole and pass out?

I hear ya sista. I hear ya.

So what is a classy lady to do to stay in shape on a budget?

Get Creative! 

What exactly IS PiYo Strength ?!?! Watch the VIDEO.

Have you been wondering what exactly IS this PiYo Strength I keep preaching about?

Have you ever thought maybe you don't know what it is and are worried you might not be able to do it?

Fear not.

PiYo Strength is a great way of exercising.  Not only does it tone and tighten, but lift, shape, and strengthen EVERYTHING.

It's easily choreographed and easy to follow.  

It will challenge you.

The soundtrack is kick ass and changes as we progress.

We train in the comfort and convenience of either my own home or a humble facility that will not intimidate you with machines or other women's in matchy-matchy outfits, full make-up and hair.

We get sweaty! 

If you aren't then I'm not doing my job.

This Sunday, April 21st, from 9-10am is our

SECOND FREE CLASS.  

FREE.

AS IN, 0 DOLLA BILLZ.

As in 

SHOW UP. WORK OUT. FEEL AWESOME. GO HOME. DONE. 

What have you got to lose?

And guess what?

There are TWO promotions going on as we speak.

THE FIRST?

Come to the Free class THIS SUNDAY and if you register on site for two or more back to back classes,

you get an additional $2 off each class!!

You will be taking each regular class for as low as $10!!!

THAT'S CHEAP PEOPLE.

THE SECOND?

Once regular classes start (in MAY), if you bring a new friend to a class, 

YOU GET YOUR NEXT CLASS FO' FREE!!

Still not convinced to get off your ass?

Here is a poorly edited video of yours truly 

giving you a little sneaky peek into the PiYo Strength World. 

Find me HERE on Facebook, or e-mail me (see video) for the address, directions, and additional information.

Let's Kick Some Ass !!
TBag. Out.

Operation Work.It.Out. Progress Pics Week #6

So last night I stopped by a friend's grand opening of her new in-home studio.  She has been killing it at the Y and with one on one personal training sessions and boot camps (which I'm starting in a couple weeks!) and has finally hit the big time to build out this fabulous studio. 
I'm so proud of her and can't wait to start taking a class or two with her. 

She is my inspiration to move forward with teaching PiYo classes and the like and what motivates me to work out and keep going each and every day. 

You can find out about her and her company info, Tight-n-It, HERE.

On my way home, Bayou wanted food...Like NOW, and he begged me to stop at Culver's for whatever god awful sodium filled dinner he wanted.  So I did.  BUT....I resisted getting myself something and instead popped a couple items in the oven when I got home instead.  Not glamorous, but not something I would regret the next day. 

And thank you sweet Jebus because I am super excited about the progress in the last week based on these photos!!  Take a look!

Stuck in the Middle with you....

Do you ever feel like you are stuck?  Like...glued in place, unable to go left or right or forward?  No?

I can't hold the steering wheel or sit on a toilet

You guys.
I said I was going to bump up my workout routine this week and I meant it.
To confirm that it is working, I am fast approaching Day 3 of total body brick shit muscles.
What's that you ask?

Tuesday Gun Show Workout

Good morning!  I bought tickets to the gun show this morning....like the view?

DROOL

OWIO Toning Progress Photos Week #5 and my Brunch Recipe

Good morning!  Well...almost afternoon at this point.  I woke up, took progress pics, and then headed to the vet with my oldest pup for 2. HOURS. These damn dogs, I swear. 

Big Reveal!!! The contents of my lady bag....

I'm doing it.

I'm joining fellow bloggers on my FIRST LINK UP!  It's gonna come off as stupid to most other people...and I get it. It is rather silly. But...I have a couple minutes this morning so I thought,
Why the hell not?

I want my MTV......blog style. And Random Updates

SOON.

 

My Breakfast Smoothie Recipe and what I'm doing to fight the fat

I switched up my workout routine today and did back to back Strength this morning.  Skilling said tomorrow is gonna be BEAU-TI-FUL so I plan to get my ass outside and Run Forest!

This morning my alarm went off at 5am and I redid YESTERDAY'S workout with a couple modifications.

Instead of 5 short sets, I doubled the length of every move for the first go around.

My arms and butt were not happy.

Second round? I held that shit in the air for all the counts in all the moves forever.

My muscles proceeded to fall off my bones in a fit of anger.

I then topped all this off with a 16 count set of V ups (fo yo abs)

Tomorrow we be running in the sunshine and warmth.
I like to run really fast during the chorus part of each song and jog during the rest.
Kind of like a pseudo-HIIT exercise.
Plus, it keeps my ADD in check when I'm distracted by garbage in somone's lawn or a squirrel.

Also? I have been making these kick ass breakfast smoothies that are delicious and portable. I used to eat oatmeal every morning but am currently OVER that shit.

Voila:

Don't be grossed out by the color.  It's delicious!

This is an 8oz. mason jar. I can make four at a time with my blender using the following:

6-8oz. Green Plant Juice
Most of a bag of pre-washed organic spinach
2 or so cups frozen mangoes
4 heaping spoonfuls of 0% fat plain Greek Yogurt
2 tbsp. Flax Seed (Make sure you refrigerate these after opening!)
2 tbsp. Chia Seed (since I don't add ice, this acts as a thickening agent if left to sitin the smoothie for at least for hours)
1 Splenda
Water, as needed if the smoothie is too thick.

Blend that shit up and divide into four containers. It holds up to two weeks in the fridge.

BOOM.
Green Juice Goddess,
TBag. Out.

My Tuesday Morning Workout- Do It.

Now that my ladybits have calmed down a tad and the rage and bloat have subsided, let's work off the mini Reese's cups and Starburst Skittles, m'kay?

This was my morning workout.
Completed in my bathroom.
With one dog sleeping in the hamper.

 HERE'S YOUR MOTIVATION:

Mush Monday- Things I'm grateful for

Hi guys....Day off of working out today!!! WOOT!!

Since my computer was out of commission, I was taking pics of things and couldn't show you. I knew you would be sad, so I wanted to highlight things that made me happy and things I'm grateful for.

OWIO Sunday Workout Videos!! I'M BACK IN ACTION!

My computer works! (YAY!)

I got a new workout outfit!! (The top is reversible!!)

OWIO Toning Thursday + a snippet of my better half- Say Hello to Bayou

What is up party people?! I hope you are as excited as I am to get started with weekly PiYo Training!!
Only 18 more days until your FIRST FREE CLASS!! Woot!

But we still need to keep working. it out. in the meantime. I have seen a minimum of one billion photos of people on spring break and all I keep thinking about is shoving myself into a bikini again.  I know, I know...you gotta rock what you got...and I WILL! It was just be a little more lifted and a little more toned.

Oooh oooh ooh...I almost forgot to tell you!

IT'S HAPPENING!!! PIYO STRENGTH CLASSES BAY-BEE!!

What is up my happy workout people!? I have SUCH exciting news for you!!!

The next chapter in your fitness regime just got a whole lot more fun, because.....

Operation Work. It. Out.- Tuesday Workout

Hey!! I have been told by the powers that be (i.e.- the nerds I work with) that my computer will be up and running by tomorrow!! Yay them!!

The bad news?  ALL. OF. MY. DATA. IS. GONE. All of it.

I am so hoping that I have the SD drives from my previous cameras because I am going to seriously start crying if I can't find the video I had of the day we brought home and introduced Burn to Crash.  OMG.

Lesson Learned? Back YO Shit up. Period.  I am an idiot and I have learned the hard way.

Tomorrow's WORKOUT will focus on overall strength using one "piece" of equipment....your wall.  Any wall.  Barefeet so as not to leave scuff marks.  The workout LOOKS intimidating, but I believe I can persevere? How about you?

OWIO Progress Pics and Stats: Week 2

Ugh.....still dont have my computer fixed so todays post will be made possible via my cellphone. I apologize for any typos or grammatical errors. Plus, the photos are crap as well. You're welcone.

25 Reasons You Aren't Dropping Pounds/Inches....and your Thursday OWIO Workout!

I found this article on Pinterest that had a guide to the top 25 reasons you aren't seeing the results you are hoping for in terms of pounds shed or inches loss.  Working out...although a good way to jump start your new healthy regime, isn't going to turn you into a svelte little hottie alone...sorry. There are apparently 25 other habits associated with making your goal happen.

As we approach the two week mark for our fitness journey, you may or may not have started to see changes for the positive....saggier pants, tighter arms, less weight on that damn scale, smaller inches...etc. Or you may have seen nothing.  It typically takes 4 weeks for any major changes to happen, no matter how small they are.

SO KEEP AT IT!! NO EXCUSES.

Here is the list of reasons from the article and my own take on them and how I am incorporating them into my lifestyle. (DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a personal trainer, nutritionist, or any of that jazz, I just know what works for me and am happy to help people)

Who's got the funk? TBag's got the funk.....and your next workout

Bayou and I have a rather healthy relationship given all it's imperfections.  Given the fact that we are both hard headed and stubborn and he is super Italian and I am part Irish, German, and Polish and our tempers flair and we can be brutally honest from time to time and have 0 patience every now and again....
We work.

Operation: Work. It. Out. - Tuesday's Firm Workout

YOU GUYS!

Remember when I said I kind of went ape shit on my computer over the weekend and threw it across the floor and maybe it's not really working anymore?  No? Well, I have a scene that will re-enact exactly what happened:

So I made a video workout for you....

and you will be most impressed. Ha...probably not.

Side note- I wanted to say that Youtube sucks ass and this has taken me like 24 hours to complete....seriously.  I don't even think I'm that retarded with computers and the fucking editing and processing time on Youtube's end made me throw my computer across the room.  And that I think made it run even slower....but alas. I have two workouts for you that you can follow. They were part of my workout yesterday.  One isn't me and one is...I bet you won't be able to tell between the professional featuring Tracy Anderson and her killer arms and mine. I mean....mine is THAT good.

Let me set the scene.  Whenever I work out I like to come up with a set of moves and put them to music. It keeps me motivated and on track. So then I'm all...."I should just record this shit and add some fancy subtitles and give YOU PEOPLE an actual workout so you don't have to go and find music that fits my exercises." BOOM. So I did.

OWIO Progress Pic and Stats: Week 1

Good Morning!
Week 1 workouts completed and progress pics today!! I must say, not much has changed in a week so don't be expecting too much.  That is just how it goes.

Here are my pics and stats:

Take your risks now.....

Something to think about.  On our free day off from working out (yay!) I have had a few extra minutes to reflect on the last week and some random things that have happened.

Operation: Work. It. Out. VLOG Tips #3- Dat Ass

Good evening everybody!

Today's VLOG post is gonna make you wanna back dat ass up....right into a squat....to lessen the cellulite and shame.....at least that's what I'M working for!

Thursday's workout focuses on your lower half, and for me...the biggest trouble zone including your ass, saddlebags, and inner and outer thighs.

Imma gonna give you three things you will need.

1) YOUR MOTIVATION (IT'S ALSO HILARIOUS)

How 'bout a quickie?

Good morning people!

I have been made aware that the e-mail subscribers to this blog (all 4 of you...including myself) don't get the embedded videos.  I'm not really sure how to fix that so make sure you have clicked the 'LIKE' button on Gilded TBags Facebook page HERE to get the latest posts and see my shining, stuttering face.

Gilded also has a couple Pinterest boards:

One for all posts that are not fitness related HERE.

One for all posts that ARE fitness related HERE.

And one for all fitness related foods and drinks HERE.

OWIO WOW! Vlog Tip #2- Cardio!

How's everyone doing? Sore? Didn't bother?  Either way....we are on to the second weekday work out.  Everyone's favorite....CARDIO!!

Check out THIS post for your midweek cardio routine! 20-30 minutes....that's less than 3% of your entire day!! Then get yo ass up and......

Operation: Work. It. Out. VLOG Tips #1

Hey!
So today's post will be a VIDEO of yours truly!!! I know.....try to contain yourself. I'm revealing my true identity and you're in LUCK!  I look like a complete babbling asshole.  I tried to perform the exercises for you, but since I have never been in front of a camera.....it just kind of looks...stupid.

OWIO Workouts for Week 1: Tootsie Roll & Frogees included

I am sore.  I think I kicked my own ass a little too much yesterday knowing all of this would be on the interwebs.  Post workout, I soaked in an epsom salt balt whilst sipping a homemade smoothie, and I think it helped a bit, but my ass and shoulders are still screaming at me.
Nonetheless, the show must go on.

Like I said in my first post regarding this new fitness chapter, today's post will outline, in detail, my workouts for the week: Sunday - Saturday.  I will pull inspiration from my Fitness Pinterest board, and my vast knowledge of prior skillz I have acquired from years of working.  My mind is like a steel trap I tell ya.

OWIO Progress Pic and Stats: Week 0

Here goes nothing.

Bayou was forced to participate in the most unglamorous photo shoot at exactly 7am this morning.  I barely had the crust out of my eyes, but was hoping to get pics before I ate anything or he got too busy.  We only argued half of the time. I have no makeup on and stringy, unwashed hair.
You're welcome.

Important Note: I KNOW I AM NOT FAT....SO DON'T GET IT TWISTED.  THE GOAL IS TO GET TIGHTER, MORE TONED, AND MAYBE LOSE INCHES HERE AND THERE.

And with that...let's just lay everything out for all the interwebs to see:

Work. It. Out.

I lied when I said I needed a break from blogging.  What I MEANT was I needed something new.  I have been straying too far from myself and my loves and focusing on things that are too far out of my control.  During this time of obsessing, I started to turn to a couple things that I'm not used to doing:
Being lazy and comfort eating.  Yes, it's winter and yes..it seems to be rather acceptable to do these two things in the U.S. of A.

But that's not me.

I die.....for Wondfo

Yesterday I purchased exactly 50 Wondfo Home Preg Tests from Amazon for $9.

Do you think that will be enough for one week or should I get more?

The good thing about timing, is...even though I chose 2 day shipping apparently they won't arrive until Tuesday.  Which means I HAVE to wait and not test early, when the reality is I wanted to test the HOUR after suspected ovulation.  Oye.

They have POAS support classes right?

On a less TMI note...I'm passing time today by sitting on my ass and watching Rachel Zoe.
Lit-rally ALL. DAY.  She looks so much better preg than normal....her face isn't so hollow.

Totally. Bananas 4 Preg Tests.
TBag. Out.

How I bruised myself and my ego...with pictures

I never made it to work this morning.  I will illustrate exactly what happened.

*Disclaimer* These pictures are very accurate and drawn by an artist.  Don't be jealous.

Keep on dreamin.....

Good morning world.  3 days of straight up snow and grossness and I actually grunted out loud because my mascara was smearing into my eyes from the horizontal Chicago wind.

I'm over it.

Calgon, Take Me Away!

I got an e-mail from Expedia today. Normally I delete these but something compelled me to check out their special this week entitled: "50% off Beach Vacation"

So I did.

Chris Hemsworth may or may not be my secret baby daddy....oh, and speculation about baby toys

I was scrolling through Pinterest on my way to work yesterday when I came across of the beef-bag Chris Hemsworth holding, ever so sweetly, his itty bitty wee darling baby, in his uber large, sessy man arms.  HOLY. SHIT.

I don't like blondes, or overly huge muscles....but sweet Jebus.....this was just too much.  My uterus quaked just gazing at this beautiful picture.  Oh..and his wife was included in the picture too.  But no worries, my friends, with the help of my BFF Photoshop, I "fixed" the picture to how it was supposed to look.

Feast your eyes......

It's UterUS, not UterYOU!

Alright uterus....let's have a quick pep talk shall we?  Bayou has been holding up his end of the deal, but I think you have been slacking....so it's time to lady up, m'kay?

We be shoppin'

Bayou said he needed pants because he wore his last pair of "good" pants to work and splattered paint all over them.  Good pants are defined, per Bayou, as the pants that cut off the circulation to his balls.  Apparently gross, super sagging carpenters jeans with too many pockets, that are ill-fitting = socially acceptable pants in Bayou's eyes, and pants actually fit his small man ass = ball smashing goodness.  I also didn't realize he had elephantiasis, but I digress.

Pink is my Favorite Flavor

Happy VD everyone.

In celebration of the ridiculous holiday, Bayou and I decided not to purchase a bunch of crap for each other.  It puts too much pressure on me, plus it falls in the middle of the week when I have 0 time to actually figure something out.  Plus I'm we're cheap.  Plus it's un-necessary for the most part.

Negative...just pee sticks, not my attitude anymore

You know what happens when you freak out on the interwebs about how much waiting sucks and then pray supah dupah hard about pleasepleaseplease make me see two lines?

Waiting sucks

Hey.....just writing to vent real quick.  This is not a fun post. Sorry. You may not want to read as I am probably going drop a big deuce on your Friday.

I don't know how I keep jobs....

Apparently I put on two articles of clothing this morning that I forgot itch the hell out of my skin.
My sessy brar and fancy blouse.

Pot pies, strippers and airbrushing....don't attempt together

Hey hey hey!

Today is a random Tuesday post.  There have been a million few not so fun things I have been dealing with in my life that I figured I would counter the bad stuff with some lighter stuff and maybe they would just cancel each other out.

I see padded walls in my future

Einstein defined insanity as performing the same tasks over and over again and expecting different results.

I must be insane.

I believe this because I say the same sentences over and over, each day, to my dogs, and expect them to actually A) Listen to me, or B) stop doing whatever stupid thing they are doing and never do it again.

Neither ever happens.

Ever.

Time to cut the cord....again

I tend to become overly slightly obsessed with things from time to time that it feels like it is consuming me to the point where I can't focus on anything else.  Unfortunately, I am realizing that this type of undiagnosed mental illness actually runs in my family.  At least on my father's side it does. Phew!
That makes me feel a lot better.  We are just a whole family of whackos and I'm not the only special one. We get so tied up in something, trying to take the reins and make sure whatever it is happens a certain way, that we lose sight of the bigger picture...LIFE.  I tend to get sucked into this black hole of obsession of whatever topic it is in that moment and other things start to slide or fail along the way.  Not good.

My love/hate relationship with our bathroom

I finally woke up with morning without an agenda.  I have been home for exactly enough time as it takes to get a "good night's rest" for the past few days as I struggle to keep my sanity during our office move.

A Glimpse into my sick mind and the people I drag along the slimy path

Text conversation at 7am on the way to work, between myself and a sassy lady we will call Mink Ass Mama from A Life From Scratch .
Sorry Mama....it's too funny not to share with the masses!

A Lesson in how to walk to work in the Ci-tay when it's -4,000

If you live in or around Chicago, you know that it is exactly negative a million outside.  My truck said -4 to be exact, then said ERROR and exploded because it can only include 3 digits.  Just kidding, it didn't really explode, but that would have been an excellent reason to call out of work today.

The Universe and Jebus are trying to teach me a lesson, I suppose

So today was the day that I was going to rejoice in my (lack of) bleeding and successful production of the most epic life changing moment where I looked down at my pee soaked preg test and see two beautiful red lines that further confirmed that I could, in fact, house another being.

Daaaa-runk

Quick Post.

The last 4 days.....it has taken me approximately 2. WHOLE. DRINKS. to get smashed.

2.

That is all.

Cheap Date 4 Life.
TBag. Out.

I'm BAAAACK!! Complete with bedazzled rainbows shooting out of me bum

Hi.
I am back.  It's a New Year.  I haven't written since November 14th and at the time I didn't really know why, just kind of felt....uninspired.  Felt like all I was doing was whining and complaining, and I think the ratio of good to whiny posts should be 3:1.  I kept seeing all these people on The Facebook posting things that they had accomplished or regretted at the end of the year and started thinking about what I had done.  And I honestly couldn't think of anything that was "good enough" to post on Facebook or this blog, to brag, or whine about.  It was all just "meh" to me.