Dirty Santa Done Dirt Cheap

Let's hop on a more-fun note today. Sound good?

I bring you...my Dirty Santa gift guide.

Every year I scour Amazon for the funniest gifts since our family partakes in this annual Christmas Tradition. Give one of these at the next White Elephant party and you're sure to get a laugh!!

Dad Bod Fanny Pack // The Leg Nightlight // Grow the Fuck Up Book // Wine Bottle Glass // Freshmen Survival Guide // Lady Porn Coasters // Adult Coloring Book

Dad Bods: They are all the rage these days. Get the look AND function of holding your flip-phone, receipts, and post-it notes with this attractive fanny pack! 

Who can forget THE LEG lamp from Christmas Story? Give the miniature version for someone to look at every time they get up in the middle of the night to pee!

Know someone in the family that hasn't quite figure out how to adult yet? Want to passive aggressively stick it to 'em? This book is for them. It's actually super informative and easy to read and maybe they can get their head out of their ass long enough to skim through a couple chapters. 

I just love a wine goblet big enough for those rough weeks. Grab this glass and throw in a box of the finest Franzia for that crazy aunt of yours!

Any seniors heading off to college? This funny and witty guide helps keeps them in check and reminds them about things like...No, Dorito's actually AREN'T a food group.

You know those Ryan Gossling meme's you see floating around everywhere? These are just as good, but they are COASTERS. No rings on the counter from a cold beer already has me hot and bothered. They say things like, "here, let me fold the laundry for you."  Did you just cream your panties a little?! ME TOO. 

Finally, a good old fashioned adult coloring book. Politely tell someone to fuck off by gifting this one to them. Or do what I'm going to do and buy it yourself to vent some frustrations while guzzling a bottle, I mean, a glass of wine. 

Cheers, folks! XO

2015 Year in Review

This year has been awesome.
Exciting and fun and sad and trying...but oh so awesome.
Every day, every season, I felt like I grew as a person, as a wife, as a daughter, and as a career-woman.

These are the highlights.
I hope you take a moment out of your (long) weekend and re-read some of these posts....it's what made 2015 so great!

After FOUR. LONG. MONTHS. of shipping a workout tank around the entire United States...me and a dozen other ladies hosted a mutual giveaway for an awesome motivational tank top....we called it Track the Tank.

Mark and I battled with the uncertainties of figuring out how to make a baby.
Turns out....genetics were not on our side.

My job sucked. I won't lie. I needed a change and while most people would think getting laid off is a bad thing...I took it as a blessing to find what I truly loved.

After months of interviews, phone calls, resumes, hoping and praying...I landed my new job, one that I tailored to my needs and hope that I stay at for a loooonnnnggg time.

With the good, comes the bad....my relationship with my brother has always been rocky. He is on a path in life that I truly do hope he overcomes...but dragging me down along the way isn't part of it.
I resolved to let go of the toxic and turn my focus back to my family. It was tough, but ties needed to be broken. I hope he finds his way one of these days.

Memorial Day rolled around and we got to put our new pool heater to the test!
Success!

When we bought our new home, a lot of people thought maybe someone had gifted us money, like we couldn't do it on our own. There was jealousy and snide remarks. And to that I say...we worked for it.

At first, we thought we would put baby on the backburner for years....and I laugh at that thought now.
I was getting soo antsy...especially since I have been collecting a few items here and there.

4th of July happened and our party was FABULOUS!

My mom and I took a trip to Tennessee, we sold the pontoon boat and kept the summer vibes going.

I turned 32....and had a bit of an emotional roller coaster with a happy ending.

I kicked some fitness ass the entire year....even during summer!

I gave my living room a little face lift with paint, drapery and new furniture, and then got in the Halloween spirit!

Mark and I had a rough patch around October...too much to do and not enough appreciation for each other.
That all changed when we ventured to our favorite haunted house.

Thanksgiving flew by, we settled into a more wintery routine, had our annual Friendsgiving Shrimp Boil and decorated our home for Christmas.

Which brings us full circle to where we were one year ago.
I reflected on what this year has brought us...and how far we've come.
A lot can change in a year, and I love revisiting our life through this blog.

For New Year's Eve, Mark and will be cozied up by the fire, with fondue for dinner and a festive glass of champagne in hand, watching Kathy Griffin and dancing to Ludacris.
It's a night we look forward to all year.
Just the two of us.

I'll be signing off for the long holiday weekend again, and when I return, on January 6th, I hope to share all the little details of our IVF consultation.

It'll be a new year.
A new year for memories.
A new year for adventures.
A new year for trial and error.
A new year to learn something or simply learn from a mistake (or ten).

I do not make resolutions...to me, it's like making a plan that is set in stone.
Plans change.
People change.
They grow and develop and blossom.
Relationships grow stronger, and some falter.
I hope to take on all of 2016 with an open mind and the drive to dig in and get things accomplished, both big and small.
But first we have to survive the gross part of winter.
Who's with me?

Happy New Year, my loves!!

All I want for Christmas

Well HELLO FRIDAY!!
I'm kicking off the weekend with my uber fabulous friend as we do a double date dinner at her place.
And then it's shopping time, baby!

And since everyone seems to be giving out suggestions for you fine people to buy for other fine people, I thought I'd shake it up by talking about the items that I want people to buy ME.

In the past, I have never even given it a thought. We seem to always be in so much debt by the end of the year that all I ever asked for was cash to pay the bills and buy groceries.
I love buying for other people but I always hated trying to come up with MY list.
I guess it always seemed a tad selfish.
Like, I'm always thinking I'm a successful female...I can buy my own shit.
Anyways.....

But this year I changed my mind set.
See, these things are items that I would never actually buy for myself on a whim because they are just so....luxurious....in my eyes.
These are definitely WANTS. Not NEEDS.

Without further ado...if you are looking to buy me a present this year...here is my list.
Thanks in advance. :)


DIY Gel Nail Manicures
I swear I like the look of polished nails. I really do. However, I hardly ever actually polish my nails because they are guaranteed to chip within 24 hours. Also? I can't stand going to a salon. Such a waste of time, in my opinion. I am fully qualified to do my own, I just can't stand the thought of spending all that time perfecting my polish, and trying to be patient and let them dry, only to ruin them by doing normal life stuff.
Enter gel nails and the little light boxes that dry them (almost) instantly.
I have a feeling this will be a life changer.
I'd really like this little light because it says it sets each coat within 30 seconds. THIRTY. SECONDS.
The polish? Luckily my mom works at a salon, so I'm sure I'll have a sweet hook-up.


Lifting Gloves
How CUTE are those black and white polka dot lifting gloves? As a person that hits the gym 4x a week, I try to save my hands from awful calluses as much as possible. It's not exactly sexy to shake someone's hand and yours be rougher than his. Size small....obviously.

Fuzzy (yet durable) slippers!
I am in dire need of slippers. I know, I know...it's kind of old lady like...but dudes, I can't tell you how many times I need to run outside quickly and wish I was just already wearing a warm pair of shoes...that aren't shoes...ya dig? These LL Bean ones in the Natural color (size 8) seem perfect for cozying up by the fire and also running around outside to grab the mail or pull the dogs off each other.

Bath Bombs (bath bomb....you're a bath bomb!)
I do love me a nice soak in the winter time. And it's even better if it's doing double duty in the process. Enter bath bombs. I seriously love these things but I hardly ever buy them for myself! Mostly because at $4-$7 a pop...it's a splurge in my mind. But alas, the Christmas one or vanilla butter one seems just fabulous!

Rose Face Mask
So a few years ago, I received a sample of this mask from Sephora in the mail. I typically do a thicker face mask once or twice a month, but this one was was so much lighter and refreshing! I feel like I could use it more often, say 2-3 times a week...especially in winter!

Chase brand Elderflower Liqueur
And of course, you can't skip over the liquor. St. Germain is all the rave with their version of the same liqueur, but Chase does it for less money and I personally think the bottle is so much prettier!
I mix this with champagne, add it to a gin and tonic, or just drink it straight! It is SO. GOOD!

So that is my list this year. What's on yours?

Oh! And while we are on the subject of gifts, take a little sneak peek at the GIVEAWAY to begin ON INSTAGRAM (@tgendooza) this Sunday! So damn adorable, right? I'll be giving away these gifts just in time to #treatyoself for Christmas! All hand picked from Homegoods from yours truly.

The giveaway will be on Instagram starting at 7pm CST so mark your calendars and good luck!!
Happy Friday and Happy WEEKEND!

10 things that make me weirdly happy

1} Pumping gas and having it stop at an even number without trying.
Bonus points if it stops on a whole dollar amount!

2} Watching Burn stand in the baby pool and drink water, then get excited and dunk his whole face under to "get bigger bites" of water. Weirdo.

3} All. of the Halloween. I can muster.

I have a fever. And the cure is more Halloween decor. #zerofucksgiven

4} Getting paid to pay off my credit card/add to savings.
Watching that credit card dwindle or my savings increase at the beginning of every month makes me giddier than me choosing my First Day outfit  in Grade School.

5} The first sip of red wine after coming in from my winter commute.

This may or may not speak quietly about my so-called drinking problem, but sometimes, when it's freezing out, I can taste that red wine on my lips even before I'm home. There is nothing I love more than savoring a glass (or three).
Bonus if I also get a moment to soak in the tub. Alone. With my wine. And Instagram. Duh.

6} Caramels that are soft enough that I can squish them a bit through the bag.
Yes, I have a problem where I squeeze a caramel in most of the bags that they sell at a convenience store. And Mark gives me stink eye every time.

7} Regular bowel movements. Amen.

8} Doing "guy things" in front of the guys at work.
Dragging that heavy-ass box to the next room (did you get your tickets? to the GUN SHOW!). Using a box cutter. Having a few tools in my desk drawer. Negotiating. Reciting a Your Mom joke.  All comes with the territory at my job.

9}Disinfecting the touched things after a party.
Once the last guest leaves our home, you bet your ass I am walking around with Clorox wipes, wiping down all the things people could have touched. Toilet seats, toilet handles, door handles, counter tops, main walls, all of it. Same goes if one of us is sick. Or if people are overly sick at the office. I am that freak that runs around Lysoling all of the things. You're welcome.

10} When all the labels face out. OCD, party of one, comin'atcha

What weird things make you happy?
Thanks for reading!

An ode to my former party-girl self

Dear Party Girl,
Sometimes, when the mood is just right, and by right, I mean it's the first warm, sunny day in what seems like decades, you go a bit crazy. Excited! But still crazy.

Combine that with a family member's Derby themed 40th birthday and you, my friends, get to see me in ALL my glory. Trying to keep it real whilst getting shitty, like I did when I was 22.
(hint hint: I'm not 22)....but we sure as hell tried to convince ourselves we were.

I don't know what it is about the combination of certain people getting together when shots are involved...you know those people, the ones that the MINUTE they walk through the door, you two exchange a smirk because AWWWW YYYEEAAAA...shit is going to go DOWN tonight, brotha!!

That combination of people would be my husband's siblings, their significant others, and whoever else showed up this weekend.

It was Derby Day, and wouldn't you  know I had a little Martha Stewart flowing through my blood and a fancy new BRIGHT YELLOW dress that I just thought would be perfect for the event.

I do declare...this event shall be the classiest one evah! Most sober photo of the day!

And then my SIL served me this glorious champagne drink that went down like, well....champagne.

And all of a sudden, I'm in the zone.

Mark told me to bring a change of clothes because there would be obstacle races. So the minute the race was over (and we lost $100) I changed into my dance pants.
We had to complete a relay race where you held an orange in place between two people's faces.
And guess whose big Neanderthal head slammed into my eye when that damn orange fell to the ground?

Good thing I couldn't feel much at that point.

There was another challenge where you had to bend over and pick up a paper bag with your mouth, without touching your hands or knees to the ground. I am (surprisingly) not flexible, but my HUSBAND won for our team. He is surprisingly flexible (bow chica bow wow), so I'll be putting that to use later.

The evening capped off with a ridiculous amount of sweaty dancing and terrible shots and more champagne, obviously. (Or whatever is in that cup)

Here's to you...former Party Girl.
You still can do the do when the music is right and drinks are flowin'.
And your hangover wasn't even that bad!
You did wake up with string cheese wrappers and popcorn bits in your bed the next morning, but I'm sure that helped soak up the alcohol, right?

Now get your ass to the gym. You don't get fit from drinking your weight in alcohol!
Have a great boozy filled weekend!!

Dirty Christmas

Every year I host a family Christmas party to get my side of the family together.
There doesn't seem to be a month that goes by where we don't have an event with Mark's side, but my family is more spread out and it seems harder to gather everyone in one place.

And since my family is basically the Original Goldberg's, I try to keep the party as classy and sophisticated as possible.

We dress up in the our most fabulous light-up Christmas gear, festive sweaters, and Santa hats, snack on Ritz and Easy Cheese, lil' smokies, and other variety of expensive fair, and play a sentimental game called:

DIRTY CHRISTMAS (also known as White Elephant)

Last year Mark "won" a glass chicken lamp, and I ended up with a random strand of half-working Christmas lights.
I should also add that Mark actually uses that sassy lamp in the garage to this day.

The name of the game is to find a gift for under $20 that really speaks to your soul.
A gift that you can't wait to see the reaction as they open it.
Just make sure grandma doesn't steal your gift or you may have to take her out.
Santa isn't watching this evening....so be bad!

And in case you are heading out or hosting your own little Dirty Christmas soiree, I hand-picked some of the best gifts money can buy that can be delivered to your door for that special someone.

Enjoy!

2013 Year In Review

Holy. Shit.
I just dug up pics from all the cool shit we did this year and it's pretty unbelievable.

There were some less than fun things that happened, or should I say, didn't happen this year that I won't forget. These things were less than appealing or fun, and I struggled with coming to terms with some of them.

I can only say that they, in turn, made me a bit stronger,
a bit wiser,
a bit more forgiving,
a bit more humble,
maybe more relaxed knowing a lot of shit is out of my hands.

Now onto the stuff that really matters.
The fun stuff!

A whole lotta nothing....

So dudes.
I don't know what has gotten into me recently.
I mentioned briefly last night on Facebook that I have been in this weird, dismal, mood....A LOT...recently, and two fabulous ladies immediately commented saying I'm probably preggers.

Which...don't get me wrong, would be awesome, I just can't fathom that this funk and bad mood can stem from something so monumental as THAT.

Plus, it's way too early.
I'm not putting any bets on me spitting piss and vinegar on the fact that I am growing another human.
The Googles told me to knock it off...it's not a thing.

Thirsty Thursday Halloween Drink Link-Up!

Happy Halloween Ghouls and Guys!!

For Halloween I get the honor of teaming up with Kristin at Hopelessly Ever After and linking up a spooky and festive Halloween Drink!!

Mine is a slight modification via Martha Stewart called Bloody Scary

ooohhhhHHHHH  OOOOOHHHHhhhhhhh (those are scary ghost sounds.....obv)

Ready? Let's get mixing!

GROUP GIVEAWAY and Fancy Drink Link-up!!

Good morning party people!!

I am honored to join a group of fabulous blogging ladies (and avid drinkers, I might add) to do two things:

Share a delicious libation with Kristin at Hopelessly Ever After
And....
since she has reached 200 followers, we are all helping her celebrate by gifting you fine folks with some
FREE SHIT!!

I am contributing a $25 Giftcard to Pier 1 just in time to buy yo' self some fun holiday decor for your house!! Class it up a bit!

Check out what the other ladies are offering as well!!

You have a few options to enter the contest.

1) Lank your drank. You will get points for submitting a drink and linking up with us.

2) Using the Rafflecopter below, Follow Gilded on Facebook and GFC (Google Friends Connect, for non-blogging folks)

Got it? Aaaaand GO!!

Make mine a Double....Thirsty Thursday Link-Up

Time to pour another one out for my homie.

Alicia is hosting Thirsty Thursday's link-up today.  You should join!
We talk about boozes we have drank, are drinking now, and will be drinking in the future.
Get some ideas and tell her your fave!

My drink today is a twist on an old timey favorite: the Tom Collins

I <3 Mr. Collins more than, almost as much as I <3 Bayou sometimes.  He's that good.

And lucky for me, Bayou has a family that loves Tom as much as I do and they have adjusted his ingredients to, dare I say, make it even MORE delicious.

But I'll do it two ways (that's what she said)

The good ole' stand by and our modification.

Ready? Go!

Thirsty Thursday Link-Up!

You know this booze canoe can't pass up an opportunity to think about or talk about drankin'.

I'm linking up today with a couple of fancy boozehounds, Brew Mama, and Hopelessly Ever After, and sharing a go-to weekend cocktail.

 

Let's do this.

Miami Story Part 3: What the Hell is Vizcaya?

Part 3 y'all!!

Catch up if you need to.

Part 1 is HERE!
Part 2 is HERE!

So I lost half my bikini....nearly broke my ankle, and met Bon Qui Qui....and I'm sure you're thinking,
"How could your vacation get any better?"

With straight up old school eye candy...my friend.

Finish the Sentence Link-Up!- Round Deuce

Team Jake and Team Holly in the hiz-ouse!  OK...sorry, my emotions and excitement got the best of me.

Today is another round of FINISH THE SENTENCE LINK-UP with homegirl Holly and her wanna be boyfriend, Jake.

Let's do this:

Miami Story Part 1: Girls Gone Wild

We survived. We made it home.

Miami rocked my top off. (It actually did, and I'll get to that later).

I don't know what it is about Miami....but it gets into my blood and we basically go insane for the 2-3 days we can afford to slip away.

It's flooding outside and the trains are at a halt, so I'm doing a LINK UP!!

Today's post is not fitness related AT ALL!

Can you believe that?! 

This post is way more fun and a great way for me to "meet" fellow bloggers.

Today's Link Up is brought to you by Holly and Jake. Their blogs are HERE and HERE.

Let's get started shall we?

Negative...just pee sticks, not my attitude anymore

You know what happens when you freak out on the interwebs about how much waiting sucks and then pray supah dupah hard about pleasepleaseplease make me see two lines?

The Universe and Jebus are trying to teach me a lesson, I suppose

So today was the day that I was going to rejoice in my (lack of) bleeding and successful production of the most epic life changing moment where I looked down at my pee soaked preg test and see two beautiful red lines that further confirmed that I could, in fact, house another being.

Daaaa-runk

Quick Post.

The last 4 days.....it has taken me approximately 2. WHOLE. DRINKS. to get smashed.

2.

That is all.

Cheap Date 4 Life.
TBag. Out.