I am back. It's a New Year. I haven't written since November 14th and at the time I didn't really know why, just kind of felt....uninspired. Felt like all I was doing was whining and complaining, and I think the ratio of good to whiny posts should be 3:1. I kept seeing all these people on The Facebook posting things that they had accomplished or regretted at the end of the year and started thinking about what I had done. And I honestly couldn't think of anything that was "good enough" to post on Facebook or this blog, to brag, or whine about. It was all just "meh" to me.
See....between October to now....shit has gotten REAL in terms of chaos and drama and nothavingenoughtimeinthedaytofinisheverything in both work and home life. I typically react to stress like any normal person. I totally freak the fuck out on everyone around that I love the most, drink a lot, feel like an enormous weight is on my shoulders, get so run down I need 20 years more sleep, but yet keep trudging forward. HOWEVER, at the exact same time, I managed to get all festive and complete every. damn. item. that I wanted to get done for each holiday, and damnit....I rocked the shit out of them, if I do say so myself.
Let's re-cap from the beginning of November....where I left off.
Work- My office is transforming into a super-dome of excellence, all of which my boss knew would happen and we all hoped would happen. We, although still small in size, have hit a new platform, a new high, and are expanding our company at a rapid rate. So rapid that it nearly bulldozed me over. So I hiked up my big girl panties and ponied up. What does that mean? In a nutshell, my responsibilities tripled all at once and all have deadlines in the same month.
A) We are prepping for an audit to (finally) commence next week. My main responsibility at my job is handling accounts payable/accounting, and finances. Months and months of reconciling bank statements and matching hourly rates with billed rates and counting pennies and tripling our invoicing schedule and confirming how our custom accounting system works and is recognized both to our auditors and with our clients will finally come to a head next week. And then I can relax a tiny bit.
B) With an expanded company comes the need for a bigger, better trade show booth to drag to conferences to preach to the commoners of our awesomeness. Conferences.....that have to be coordinated, reserved, set-up, confirmed, packed, shipped, paid for, all by yours truly. I don't actually have to go to the 12-15 per year...but I will be there, silently, (or not so silently if you are a person who has managed to screw something up and then you will HEAR MY WRATH) in the background, making sure shit happens when it's supposed to happen. So now we need an awesome booth to go with an even more awesome company. This is, mainly, on my shoulders. Our first vendor ended up failing us with a poor attitude and lack of hustle, so we met with another vendor and have pulled the trigger on a modular 10'H x 30'W booth complete with plexi glass back lit logos, custom printing, and the ability to make it a 10x10, 10x20, and 10x30...as needed. To save the outrageous $300 shipping fee to have the four crates moved from Bolingbrook to our Chicago office, my H2 comes in handy in that I can simply drive out and grab everything all at once. Typical turnaround time on something like this? 2 months. Our deadline? 3 weeks. Pick-up is scheduled the last week of January...which just happens to be the same week we are moving offices.
C) Office Move- Here is where my old Interior Design skillz come into play. It takes a lot of hand holding and arguing with our landlord/architect/contractors to make sure every detail of our future 8,500 s.f. office is finished to our specs. New carpet, paint colors and placement, electrical, wiring, finishes...etc. All standard stuff, but timing is key. Now add on top of that, I need to quote and design a fancy schmancy new lobby sign....acrylic, of course, back-lit against a charcoal colored wall. Order reception furniture, layout and order 4 executives offices worth of furniture, including my own (yay! window with a river view), replacing portions of existing office furniture and installing them myself to save some dough, finding and purchasing a large modular conference table that can be reassembled into training tables, and the grand daddy of them all...a futuristic garage-type folding partition that opens at a push of a button to give us a large open kitchen/bar/conference space. All deliveries have to be accepted at the end of the month, all items assembled, all deposits paid, and all movers and employees coordinated all at the same time.
I am the eyes, ears, and mouth of my boss when he is out of the office, which is often. If he's not happy...I'm not happy. Sometimes I feel like that bitchy lady from Ocean's 13..you know, the blonde with the wicked hair?
So that's work....it's a lot on top of the endless other smaller tasks that all seem to need my attention at the same GD time, but as long as I keep checklists and deadlines and to-do's and coffee close by; I'm good.
Now on to the home front.
Ahhh home is where the heart is...right? Sometimes I have to keep reminding myself of that before I murder someone. And I mean that in the most loving way. The daily grind of keeping all of my animals happy and less -attacky is simple...divide and conquer. It's eased up a bit, which has left me to focus on the various holidays...oh....and Bayou.
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| Retard and Asshole...so nice to each other first thing in the morning |
Halloween happened. I went all Martha Stewart on its ass and hand made a bunch of decorations, a cake for the office party, and a costume. Bada Bing bada Bang..done and done.
Thanksgiving happened. We didn't have to host and I bowed out by buying pies. Day after? Shrimp Boil. The once a year food fest we host without fail to honor Bayou's upbringings and drank with some festive friends. Success #2!
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| Shrimp Boil with some of my favorite friends and family! |
Fast forward to my families Christmas party that Bayou and I hosted, complete with yelling, laughing, a brief meltdown, and my biggest baby Retard trying to dominate a 5 year old. It was a ton of fun and I was so glad to see my immediate family all at once.
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| You bet your ass I made that sweater! |
That following week was Christmas Eve (with Bayou's fam), Christmas Day (at my fam), and then NYE dressed up in our finest with a few family and friends to ring in the new year. Tons of fun...surprised I didn't get sick!!
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| It was rather hard to walk straight in those glasses...or maybe it was the booze. |
But of course, not without a few (ton of) fights along the from SOMEONE that will remain nameless (Bayou), that felt I wasn't giving him enough attention, or giving him too much attention...or just basically no clicking in general.
AWESOME. So what do I do to try and fix that problem? I attempt to jump him bones...during the WEEK...GASP!!! Can you even imagine the horror? I was shot down. "I'm too tired" "You only want it for kids"...and the list of excuses goes on.
So the reality is...is YES...part of our private dancing time, to me, is now a little more important for say....makin' babies. But the bigger part is that our relationship is going to go down the tubes for lack of togetherness if we don't start putting effort back into it. Everything is very, very routine. Vanilla. Dull. Lackluster. Booooooooorrrrrrriiiiiinnnnggggg. I mean, I get it...we have been together for almost 8 years, married for 3...it's bound to happen a bit at some point. And Bayou admitted that he didn't want to feel "used" *excuse me for giggling* just because we are trying, and didn't want it to feel all robotic. So....apparently the best way to avoid those two problems is to basically just shut down and fight a lot.
Let me tell you....this sassy lady SERIOUSLY gets her granny panties in a bunch when there isn't lovin'. I use the term 'bitch' with the biggest heart....but I will murder Bayou's face if he were to continue down this path. I'm irritable, bitchy, impatient...all bad things.
So we made a deal the weekend of New Year's....and by deal, I said "Get on board or else"...and I get it...that may sound harsh to you outsiders...but it will ultimately be the biggest thing that can and will ruin our or anyone elses marriage. Lack of intimacy makes people stray...and Bayou is still very much worth fighting for even if I do want to murder his face. We agreed to just make it work and spice it up....like the olden days when we were young and carefree. And let me tell you....it's hard....but EXCITING!! And exhausting...but fulfilling.
I'm glad I had almost 10 days in a ROW of time away from work to recharge. I have started working out more regularly again which is keeping my energy up and sanity in check, and things are back to clicking again on the homefront.
I'm really looking forward to the idea that maybe, just maybe 2013 will bring an addition to our family. I really do. They say most couples are successful within 6 months and we are already at the end of that time frame. Which makes me freak out a bit, but maybe it's because of the drama as I mentioned above. Either way...there is a bigger plan, I'm sure.
Maybe we just had to jump 2012's hurdle to make strides toward 2013.
I will be posting more often. It's not a resolution, more of a therapist without a face.
Until next time my friends....Stay Classy.
TBag. Out.
