My Purpose This Season

Mark spent four solid days sick in bed with the flu, following my company Holiday party.

In between the events we had planned, I did my best to pick up his end of the duties and keep him comforted.

I know most women are like....AWWW GEEZ ANOTHER MAN-COLD?

But Mark seriously never gets sick. And if he ever does, he never bothers me while he's recovering. He just keeps chugging along like it's not happening. So I knew he was really bad this time.

My to-do list was being checked off, but Friday held a lot of prep for the weekend. Although we didn't host our family Christmas party this year, I still had guests arriving and food to make and gifts to wrap.

For exactly three solid hours Friday evening, I set up a gift-wrapping station in my sitting room, turned on some Christmas tunes, and set out to wrap every last gift, scrub down the bathroom and add the final touches to our guest room to give my cousin's a welcome and cozy retreat.

Although I may have joked about worrying less about how the presents are wrapped, I truly love how they look, with fresh bows and crisp corners, if only I could display them somewhere that I could see them.

This year was different.

Without our beloved Crash scampering around the house, getting into everything, I took a chance and filled the baskets around our Christmas tree with presents. Gift after glorious gift, piled high for display. And Burn could have cared less.

Success!

Even though I was tired, I was ecstatic to see this view. 

A view filled with magic and joy at the anticipation of family opening each gift in the coming weeks.

Yes, I may have over-done it in the gift-giving department this year.
Perhaps it was a bit of retail therapy as I'm not buying gifts for my own baby, but seeing those presents under the tree, and knowing how much thought I put into each of them, was everything I had hoped to see for years.

Mark tossed and turned all night Friday and I woke earlier than expected from broken sleep.

I wanted to prepare an easy pecan-cinnamon role casserole for Sunday morning, so got to work.
After the ingredients were piled high, I finished moving fresh towels to the guest room, and filled a cup of coffee for myself. Seriously, how festive is this MUG?!

Shortly after, my cousin and her beautiful family arrived.
Burn was introduced to his first baby, and although clearly over-excited, was easily managed.

We all got dressed and headed off to our family Christmas party where we ate and drank and laughed the night away. I swear, my cousin and I could be sisters, don'cha think?

The night, however, was bittersweet.

I was thrilled to see my parents doing well.

My dad has been on the up and up, and it's a nice change of pace from the hectic, worrisome months prior.

And my mom.
Gosh.
She met our six month old niece for the first time, and as I watched her holding that tiny baby, tears welled up in my eyes, knowing I am unable to provide her with grandchildren.

It stung a bit, remembering all the sacrifice and hope and loss we went through, to try and conceive ourselves, and in the end, we are left living vicariously through other family's as they grow their own.

I didn't know I could love another person's child with every ounce of my being, while at the same time equally sad for myself.

Luckily, the sad emotions were fleeting, likely enhanced by the wine.

Our weekend wrapped up Sunday morning, and I was left to tend to Mark and carry on with my own life.

I was driving home from Orangetheory Sunday afternoon and while completely exhausted, soaked to the bone with sweat after an intense workout...I couldn't help but feel this wave of gratitude wash over me.

I am so lucky to have a husband that needs me to take care of him sometimes.
I am so lucky to have a warm house and an abundance of food and bedding to dole out to guests as needed.
I am so lucky to have the income to buy meaningful gifts for our family. Watching the kid's eyes light up when they open our gifts is the best gift I will ever receive in return.

I know this next week will be trying for my spirit as we watched our baby slip through our fingers last year, but I know in my heart I am exactly where I need to be, and exactly what I need to be for others.

My purpose this season is to bring joy and light and serve loved ones when I can, when they need me the most.

This is my last blog post for 2017, although you will likely find me on Instagram, if you'd like to follow the fun!

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year! XO