What's Up?

I saw a link-up post updating readers about current things, so I thought I would do my own!

What I'm eating this week
Not a drop of regular water, but guzzling all the Coconut and Vitamin water money can buy.
Also, lots of salty foods. I am (shockingly) not a huge fan of a lot of salt, so it's been tough to think about items to make or bring to work that fit the bill. I ended up taking the easy way out and bought a few frozen lunches. Those things always have a ton of salt in them!
This, by the way, is required to reduce the fluid build-up that occurs after an egg retrieval. My doctor said I looked five months pregnant on Monday so let's just say salt is my bff right now.

What I'm reminiscing about
How far we have come in our journey to parenthood. I am still waiting for the results of our third egg retrieval, but the idea that I could be mere months away from actually getting pregnant, after dreaming about it for years, is insane. 

What I'm loving
Having a cocktail again without guilt. IVF has deterred my drinking and I did NOT want to spoil my third egg retrieval with anything that could hinder my results. I didn't have one drop of alcohol for 99% of July, but man, a good margarita sure fits the bill these days!

What we've been up to
Outside of IVF, we have hosted a decent amount of people to the house for small pool gatherings. Our cat is getting his feeding tube out next week, but has been eating through his mouth like a champ! 

What I'm dreading
The inevitable end of summer. I am really hoping we get a nice long Indian summer through September and even into October like last year!

What I'm working on
Trying to keep all my indoor plants and outdoor flowers alive. It's a labor of love. 

What I'm excited about
Getting our third egg retrieval results and the possibility of FINALLY moving forward with PGD testing and ultimately a pregnancy!

What I'm watching/reading
Mark has been forcing us to watch the Star Trek movies. I can hardly focus on TV in general, so it hasn't bothered me too much. When I have down time, I have attempted to read some IVF books. I like being able to connect with someone else's logic about all the crazy stuff going on in my life right now.

What I'm listening to
The cat screeching at 3am (oh yes, he is back to his old self). The dog's whimpering for scraps of dinner. Mark acting a fool to try and get a rise out of me because it's fun.
Also a ton of Country and Class Rock. Always forever, amen.

What I'm doing this weekend
On the boat. Mark is determined to be on that boat for as many weekends as possible. Now that I'm not stimming with an IVF cycle, I can actually join him with jostling around my huge ovaries. Ha!

What I'm looking forward to next month
The possibility of getting our PGD results and finishing half of our 8 week FET prep!

What is your favorite part about summer
Lack of prep with hair and make-up. I tend to have a much more relaxed approach to summer entertaining. As long as my bikini is covering the goods, a shower and make-up can wait. That's what a pool and sunglasses are for, right? 

IVFx3: ER Recap and Recovery

Good morning, my fine readers!

So, as most everyone knows...our retrieval numbers were stellar this time.

Our doctor forewarned me that the new protocol may help, but it may not.
Although it was considered a more aggressive protocol, the odds weren't exactly in my favor.

Most people tend to respond the best with an antagonist protocol (which is what I did my first two cycles), and very few people respond better with microdose lupron flare.

Well...we sure showed them, huh?

From the beginning of this round, I had been cautiously optimistic.
My resting follicle count was 24, with 12 itty bitty baby follicles on each ovary.

This starting point was excellent news, but again, I had 21 the second round, and plummeted to 9 follicles just before retrieval.

But this time, I stayed steady the entire time with 23 follicles.

Of course, not all of them matured.
By the time of retrieval, I still had 23 follicles, and 17 of them were over 10mm, which is considered measurable.

Of those 17, approximately 13 were just at or above maturity level.

So, ultimately I expected to retrieve a decent amount, with hopes that a lot of them would be mature enough for fertilization.

This third (and hopefully last) retrieval, was nothing short of frustrating though.

I was asked to trigger at 3am Saturday morning with an injection of Ovidrel.
This shot goes in my stomach, so I could easily do it myself.

But I was nervous I would oversleep that time, so had set multiple alarms and had Mark set his alarm as well.

The timing of your trigger shot is of the utmost importance.
It has to happen EXACTLY when they tell you to do it!

My retrieval was scheduled for Sunday.
I was asked to arrive at 12:45pm and surgery would occur about an hour later.

I had a light meal early Sunday morning, by 5:30am. (again another alarm was set because who gets up that early on a Sunday?!)

I took another nap and woke up around 10am, showered, and we were out the door at 11:30am.
We arrived super early at 12:15pm, hoping we would get an earlier time slot and could get out earlier!

No dice.

What ended up happening, was an extensive wait, to which I didn't actually have my retrieval until 2:45pm.

I was crampy and starving and generally in a bad mood.

Not that you can rush a doctor, but we finally got an update that it was my turn!

The new anesthesiologist took me back to the room.
The assistant nurse strapped me into place.
The embryologist came back to confirm my identity, and then it was nap time!

I woke up to the most glorious news.

We had 16 eggs retrieved.

Still groggy from the anesthesia, I broke into a mass of happy tears.

16!!

I couldn't believe it.

16 is three more eggs than BOTH of my first two cycles combined!
Is this real life?!

With that number, I wrapped up my stay, got dressed, and we headed home, but not before stopping at Wendy's for the most delicious meal of my life.

Neither one of us had eaten since 5am and it was nearly 5pm at that point.
Plus! Recovery requires high salt foods and lots of electrolytes.

From that point on, things went downhill fast.

I had this overwhelming pain across my upper back, and a feeling of heartburn that I never had with the other cycles.
My bloat was really intense, and seemed to be getting worse as time went on.
I was prescribed Cabergoline, which was supposed to help with possible overstimulation, to take each night for about a week.

I'm not sure what caused what, but Sunday evening I got minimal sleep.
The pain meds weren't working and no matter what position I tried to sleep in, eventually the pain would become too much and I would try another position.

I eventually found that sleeping with my head and knees elevated helped, slightly.

I emailed the head nurse early Monday morning to let her know what was going on.
At 8:30am, she called me back, asking me to come in right away for monitoring.
At 9:15am, I was at their office, getting another round of blood draws, labs, and vitals.

Luckily, everything checked out ok, so it was just a matter of time to see if my pain went away.

By Monday evening, most of my back and chest pain subsided, and I had received the second most glorious up date of my life.

Of the 16 eggs retrieved, 11 were mature, and 10 fertilized.

To put this in perspective, here is a comparison of my 3 cycles after the completion of Day 1 growth.

Cycle 1: 6 retrieved, 5 mature, 3 fertilized
Cycle 2: 7 retrieved, 5 mature, 2 fertilized
Cycle 3: 16 retrieved, 11 mature, 10 fertilized

The next update will be Friday where the embryologist will tell me how many are still growing.
There will likely be another update on Saturday where they will give me my final numbers.

At that point, if we have enough quality Day 5 embryos, I will have them biopsied and frozen, where they will join the other embryo from Cycle 2.

If this occurs with enough embryos, we can FINALLY move onto PGD testing to determine how many of the Day 5 embryos are perfect.

Perfect meaning, free from chromosomal abnormalities and free from our genetic mutation.

And today?
Today I am working from home while I continue to recover from retrieval.
I am feeling much better today, and slept through the night last night.

Praying for AWESOME results by the weekend!
Just in time to celebrate my 6th wedding anniversary with Mark!

Talk soon, loves! XO

I want this to be over

You guys, I am thisclose to throwing in the towel.
I have hinted to my husband, and to people that ask, and mostly to myself....more than a couple times in the last couple of months, as we have been patiently gearing up for our third round of IVF....that I'm done.

Bye Felicia.
Seacrest, Out.

The whole she-bang.

At first thought, I reminded myself that we have four covered IVF rounds under our insurance belt and that I would be silly to not exhaust all options.

But dudes...I'm done.
I'm just done with this season of my life.

I'm not angry or anything,
I'm simply over the Groundhog Day life I'm living.

I'm over going round in circles with this portion of IVF.
I'm getting pretty fed up with all these shots and hormones, and edging ever closer to the point of throwing a fit about the whole thing.

Email main nurse to say I need to do another round.
Get a period.
Go in for a bloody baseline ultrasound.
Start birth control pills.
End birth control pills.
Get another period.
Go in for another bloody baseline.
Start injections.
Take injections for what seems like a life time.
Continue morning monitoring appointments at different increments: first every week, then every other day, then every day.
Wait for the call each afternoon.
Get my updated injection protocol and new timeline.
Wait.
Pull the trigger and do one final injection.
Wait.
Go in for retrieval.
Doctor sucks out my shitty eggs.
Wait.
Get retrieval results, then fertilization results.
Wait.
Then Five Day results.
Then Final results.

I'm just done with this part.
When we started out, I thought our biggest hurdle would be to overcome our genetic issues.

We haven't even gotten to that point yet.

I am so very ready for this season of egg collection to be done with.
I am done with stomach injections.
I am done with retrievals.
I just want this to work so we can finally move forward with the next of a million steps ahead of us.

I need good results, guys.

We are down to the wire with this round's injections and monitoring.
I have been going in daily since Wednesday.

Today is Day 14 of shots, bringing my grand total of self-injections to 55 once trigger is complete.

FIFTY-FIVE, PEOPLE!

Not including the seven blood draws I've had this cycle, and of course, not counting the past two cycles. My grand total for injections this year is over 150 and I'm pretty sure that's enough for an eternity.

And don't even get me started on what's to come with injections if and when this part is over.
Think a daily butt shot with a 1.5 inch needle for TWELVE. WEEKS.
Glamorous, I know.


Those damn follicles are nearly ripe for the picking and I JUST WANT TO GET THERE ALREADY!

I keep seeing things in 4's recently.
Maybe it's a sign?

Four geese were sitting along the road and all flew together over my car as I drove past.
I collected four frogs from our pool this morning.

Wouldn't four beautiful 5-day embryos be just lovely if we could get them this cycle?

I think so.

Man, that would be something, huh?

Shockingly, I have ANOTHER morning monitoring appointment this AM, and since our facility is booked to the max...I don't have an actual appointment.
I was informed to show up at 6:30am and they would squeeze me in.
So I would assume my wait could be 15 minutes or an hour.
Let the fun commence.

My estrogen levels are through the roof right now.
I have 23 total follicles...13 of them are either where they need to be or close behind.
The rest probably won't make it.

I have been leery to publish those numbers considering what has happened in the past, but what the hell, let's go for it.

The nurse on Thursday afternoon said I would be triggering Friday or Saturday, most likely with a retrieval for Sunday or Monday.

Let's get 'er done, yea?
More updates post-retrieval!
Wish us luck! XO

IVFx3: I Made You a Video

Hi party people!

Last night I made a video to show my nightly injection routine and give a little more information!
It's about a 15 minute video that includes a little background, the actual injections, and swearing, of course.
Take a look!



If you are having trouble viewing this video on my blog, you can check out this link:

IVF Stims Round 3 - Microdose Lupron

I had my third monitoring appointment this morning.
Today will wrap up my 10th day of stimulation injections, and 12th overall day of shots.

With my prior antagonist protocol, today would be the last day of nightly injections and tomorrow would be my trigger.

My follicles are growing slower this time.
Which may very well be a good thing.

They were all hovering around the 15-16mm range when I went in for my appointment.
At this point I am waiting for the confirmation call from the nurse this afternoon, for total follicle numbers and sizes, along with my injection instructions.

Based on this growth, I would assume I have 1-2 more monitoring appointments this week and should trigger by Saturday at the latest.

Thanks for continuing to follow my journey! XO

IVF Round 3: Self-Administered

Happy Friday, loves.

Thank you, again, for your continued support and warm wishes through thick and thin on this journey.
I must say, moments of anger and doubt are fleeting, but they are very real.
By the time I hit publish on my last post, I can honestly say I wasn't in that lull anymore.
At that point I had already given myself five injections and was cruising right along.

I had my first follow-up appointment this morning, to check on the progress with round three.

I wanted to see if I could administer all the shots myself, seeing as Mark may or may not be available at the time he would normally help me out, and I didn't want to be left high and dry, worried I would pass out or something.

It has been....okay.

The quick pinch of the needle poking through my skin will never be normal, but it has quickly become my new normal right now, so I just go with it.

Saturday and Sunday were twice daily Lupron injections, to help flare up my natural hormones to hopefully produce a more consistent amount and size of follicles this round.

I have continued this twice daily regime on top of the stimulating injections.

Monday evening was the first day of stim injections.
Again, this is the old stand-by of two additional shots, Follistim (or Gonal-F) and Menopur.

I was hesitant about administering the Menopur myself, because it burns really bad going in.
But...as Mark watched a movie on the bed next to me, one by one, I got through it on my own.

I wanted to get the Menopur out of the way as quickly as possible, so I mixed up the meds on my night-stand, held the needle above my skin, said a quick fuck you Menopur and jabbed it in.

And as smoothly as possible, the burning started, but I didn't falter.

My other hand was pinching my skin, just next to the injection site.
I didn't realize how hard I was pinching until it was actually hurting MORE than the injection.
Finally, it was over.
The needle came out, and I iced for a few minutes in between the next injection.

I had two more; the second Lupron and the big mama jama, Follistim.
Lupron is easy so I got that one out of the way, on the other side of my belly button.

Then came Follistim.
Like I said in the past, this one looks like a pen, and I'm not going to lie that it was a bit cumbersome to hold onto and push the medicine into myself.

I couldn't grip it easily and was starting to get shaky because the needle was just kind of ...in me...for a period of time before I could start pushing the medication in correctly.

But, I trudged on...allowing extra time for ice after everything was over.

And like Groundhog Day...this exact routine has been part of my evenings the entire week.

My frienemy Letrazole joined the party each night as well.
Tonight is my last night of this terrible pill and I could not be happier.
The ongoing vice-like, dull headache, has been just wonderful.

Each day has been easier, but like always, some days the medicine burns more, sometimes it burns less.
I realized during this process, that the right side of my abdomen is much more sensitive than the left.
I am more bloated this round, most likely due to the Lupron.
It's weird, honestly, to be bloated, but not full-feeling, like you would after a big meal.
My stomach is just....puffier.

Both Lupron and Letrazole have been giving me the slight headaches, so whenever I administer them, I take two Tylenol, just to be safe. Other than going kind of whacko on Tuesday after my first round of stim meds, my hormones have been rather stable.

I have also cut out all alcohol this round. The last two I would have a cocktail here and there, but I'm going for gold this round, hopefully better habits will help!

I am in the final stretch.

I typically stim for 10 days. Today is Day 5.
I am waiting for the nurse to call this afternoon to see if I'll be heading in for any weekend monitoring, otherwise, I'll be back in the local office next week.

I should trigger by next Thursday!

Another quick update about our cat.
He managed to unhinge his left teeth from the bonded solution on Sunday evening (his jaw was now completely free to open and close), so we headed to the specialist early Monday morning because his jaw alignment still looked really messed up.

Turns out we paid out the ass for nothing.

His jaw is exactly how it was five weeks ago...but it is healed, so we are moving forward with managing a crooked jaw. The Dr. ended up having to file down two of his eye teeth super short so his jaw would close normally, as they were jabbing him in the gums or roof of his mouth.

I'm not going to lie, we were pissed.
All this time and effort to heal him and we are back at square one.

But, this is now his new normal, so we are working to get him adjusted.

We attempted to get him to eat normally, but noticed he would flinch every time he tried to chew.
This isn't like him...he LOVES his food. But he withdrew and we were worried.

After talking a couple times with the Dr., we decided to bring him back in for another round of dental surgery where she noticed a couple of his back teeth were grinding his gums again.

She extracted two teeth and he is now in his second round of recovery.
They gave him a shot of pain killers that should last 3-5 days, so he is sleeping a lot at this point.
We are still tube feeding until he is better.

None of this is ideal, but we are making the best of it, in the hopes he will be eating on his own within a week.

And with that update, I'm out.
Have a great weekend, folks! XO

I'm faking it

Throughout this entire IVF journey, I have done my best to stay positive.
Outwardly, my eyes light up and my attitude is good.

Inward, there have been many, many days of doubt.
And some of those days I choose to vocalize.
Today is one of those days.
Although, I try to keep it to a minimum, because no one wants to hear my first world problems.
Hell, I don't even want to hear them. :)

But it's a major part of this journey and I am probably going to go insane if I don't include the bad with the good, sometimes.

The thing is...when I am in the midst of an IVF cycle....I don't really think of it as a happy and fun thing.

I just see it as a thing I have to do...like you would get up and brush your teeth in the morning.
You don't look forward to brushing your teeth, but you're an adult, so you just do it.

I honestly don't know who would look at this as a positive experience.
Maybe they do and I forgot to drink the kool-aid?
Who honestly looks forward to get up to getting multiple needles with vials of poison, injected into themselves, multiple times a day, for days on end?

No one does.

It's the end result that we are gunning for.
The baby.
That is the happy.
That is the it's all worth it moment.

I have been going through this process with an internal pessimistic attitude.
Of course I want it to work, but I know damn well that it might not.

And that terrifies me.
It terrifies me because, as someone who works their ass off to live a good life, I can't seem to work hard enough at this.

People are constantly telling us it's going to work, or think positive thoughts, or ooohhh girl you got this (ok, that last one is my internal monologue, whatevs) but all I want to say to the universe is...
F Off.

I just can't allow that amount of positive thinking to take over my mental state.
(Totally insane, right?)

I have been putting up these mental barriers because the more I climb up the mountain of positivity, the farther I have to fall if everything goes to shit.

I have been teetering on the edge of hope and despair.
Walking this fine line.

Just get through this month.
Just get through this next appointment.
Just get through these next three shots.
Just get through.

I haven't been able to be consistently happy about this time in my life.

Sure, there have been thrilling moments, maybe even a bit of excitement.
But all of it has been fueled by fear.

If IVF was something to look forward to, I probably wouldn't be ugly-crying on the drive home the night before baseline, knowing I have to gear up....again.

Mark and I have talked about the possibility of a future without a child, and I nod my head in compliance when he says, "we'll be good no matter what."

Because technically that statement IS true.

Of course we'll be good.

But it's just not anything I have ever imagined.
A life where we grow old and gray....just the two of us.

There most definitely isn't anything wrong with this alternative lifestyle.
I just can't come to terms with that notion.

With each step forward, a lot of times I feel as though we also take a giant leap backwards.

Sometimes I can't imagine having to go through ANOTHER round.
But the fear of the unknown if we don't do it, is so much greater.
The regret. The what-ifs. The...did I give it my all?

During a different conversation I asked Mark what he thinks the outcome of Round 3 will be.

It could go either way. The possibilities are numerous at this point.
We could get any number of quality Day 5 embryos...including zero.

So when is enough, enough?

I guess I will see how I respond to this more aggressive protocol.

My recovery between 1 and 2 was a tad different, with 2 being a longer recovery period.
Nothing life threatening or anything to worry about, but it was definitely longer.
I was more bloated and wheezy.

I don't know how many times I have said this is crazy over the course of the last six months.
It's too many to count.

I just can't believe this is the hand we have been dealt, sometimes.
I say life is weird a lot, but what I really mean, without trying to sound super whiny....is life isn't fair.

I don't think Mark and I have done anything so terrible in our lives that would justify us having to sacrifice our sanity, our time, our effort, our income....just to do something that should come naturally.

I don't think I will ever come to terms with the fact that I am, as a woman, broken, to some degree.

And yes, yes I know I am stronger than this bullshit...but that doesn't take away broken.
It only puts a band-aid on it.

Time is the only thing that washes away worry, self-doubt, anger, failure and sadness.

Right now I am living in this fucked up situation so it's all I think about.
And I am really bitter about it sometimes.

I have doubts and worries nearly every day.
Just as I have joy and smile and laughter every day.

I wish it didn't have to be like this...I wish we didn't have to be tested to this degree.

Do we REALLY want it?

More than anything.

And apparently anything literally includes everything.
We are literally being tested to our limits right now.

During our cat's recovery, I have spent a lot of time in the future nursery, where we currently keep his medications, cat box, food, etc.

I think about where the baby furniture will go, and what colors I would use.
I think about the fun, aesthetic stuff that goes with having a baby, to mask the pain it is currently taking to get one.

This year is far from rainbows and roses, but I guess that's not what we signed up for.

I understand now why IVF is the last resort in fertility treatments....it's such a huge under-taking that you can't fully understand it unless you have lived through it.

But I am thankful that we even have it as an option.
I am thankful for the support from friends and family.
I am thrilled with insurance coverage and our Illinois mandate.

Don't think for one second that I am not eternally grateful for what we DO have in this process.

But I am human.

I am allowed to vent and feel frustration, get it out of my system, and then put my big girl panties on and drop-kick IVF's nonsense square in the teeth.

We'll get through it.
Thanks for reading. XO

You Know You're a Veteran IVFer When...

1. The clinic doesn't require a consult to issue your upcoming IVF calendar.
2. You know how many days of stim meds you will be taking so can go ahead and make morning ultrasound appointments a month ahead of time to get the "good time."
3. The receptionist knows you by voice.
4. You know the receptionists name.
5. Hell, you know everyone's name at this point (and that's A LOT of people!)
6. You know which magazines are stashed where and what TV show airs during your normal office visits. (Mine is Flea Market Flip and I fucking hate that show)
7. The blood taking nurse is happy to see you again and knows your personal agenda (j/k folks! You have no personal agenda during IVF!)
7a. The blood taking nurse is also thrilled that you've come so far with your blood draws. You don't even flinch now, when you used to pass out!
8. You can actually give your boss enough head's up that you'll need two vacation days for egg retrieval recovery (as opposed to 24 hours notice....that's how we IVFers live our lives....in 24 hours increments)
9. Although the specialty pharmacy(s) are on speed-dial in your phone, you have the main number and dial-by-number prompts memorized reducing your wait time by MINUTES.
10. You also know the price per medication....just to see what insurance is going to cover.
11. You speak to the head nurse more than your mom because she gets you.
12. Your family wants to know when you can enjoy a cocktail again...and you can tell them down to the minute because you've been down this rodeo at least once before.
13. You know which medications require ice, or heat, or BOTH. And which needle goes with which medication.
14. You come up with creative solutions for ALL OF THE STYROFOAM COOLERS that are being shipped to your home....like using them as actual coolers in the off season.

15. You know that NOTHING matters as much as the final embryo count and grading....be it Day 2, 3, 5, 6, or 7....that is ALL an egg retrieval comes down to.
16. You sympathize with other TTCers when you hear words like 450iu (me), 2 powders (me), or multiple cycles (me) because it just means they have work that much harder to get "normal" results.
17. But you also look at those TTCers as FREAKIN' WARRIORS....because dudes, this shit AIN'T FOR THE WEAK.

What would you add? What am I missing?

Today was baseline day and tomorrow starts the first of many, many shots for IVF Round 3!

Have an awesome weekend folks! XO

4th of July

I hope everyone had an absolute blast this weekend!
I took a (much needed) extra day off, extending our little vaca to four days.

Saturday and Sunday were spent around the house.
We had some friends and family over to swim on Saturday, thinking it was going to be the only sunny day.

And then Sunday rolled around and it was even more beautiful!

We attempted to invite a few people over to swim, but agendas were super busy this weekend, and everyone seemed to have plans already.

No big deal though!
We floated around for a few hours and then bar-hopped while the sun went down.

In between fun, we had to get a few things accomplished prior to out little overnight excursion.

The cat had a follow-up appointment.
We are ready and scheduled for him to have his jaw un-bound and tube removed on the 15th!

Insurance wouldn't let me re-fill my birth control pills until the 4th of July.
Of course my local Walgreens was closed, so I had the prescription transferred to a 24 hour Walgreens in a nearby town, so I could take the 2 additional pills required for my upcoming IVF calendar.

By 1pm we were on the road to Winthrop Harbor, just the two of us.
We got the boat in the water and quickly settled in.

Beers in hand, we jetted over to Waukegan to get some food and check out a blues band.

For fireworks, we drove up to Kenosha and watched their fireworks and all the local towns along the waterfront.

It was an absolute blast!
The first time we drove in the dark and everything went smoothly.
We made it back to the harbor just before midnight and tucked in.

Sunday morning Mark headed home briefly to handle the animals.
I made some coffee on the boat and went for a long walk.
When it wasn't sunny, I was reading a book called Laughing is Conceivable..a funny take on IVF.

Mark arrived back at the boat around 10am and we grabbed a bite to eat at the local bar.
The rest of the afternoon was out on the water.

It was just beautiful. The waves were very calm and sun was shining.
We jumped in Lake Michigan a few times to cool off and lounged around listening to Classic Rock the rest of the time.

I love our little excursions.
Crowds are fun but time spent just the two of us is my favorite.
A chance to reconnect and just be silly.

This was the perfect weekend as we gear up for IVFx3 this week.

I finished my last birth control pill and head in for my baseline ultrasound this Friday.
The remaining med deliveries arrive this week and we are chugging right along!

Thanks for reading!! Make it a good one! XO

Friday Fun

Alright folks!

I think I have done enough complaining and stressing out for one year...hell, maybe a life time, with all this IVF junk.

Let's focus on some happy shit today, m'kay?

1. Crash

His surgery went well and his recovery is chugging along. He hates his bandages, which isn't shocking at all. I haven't met such a stubborn animal in my entire life #hedoeswhathewants
Here's hoping we don't fall into the 50% category that he becomes a repeat offender.
There is a 50% chance the ear could swell up again.
It would be awesome if that didn't happen.

They also sent him home with the cone of shame.
It's not in the picture because it lasted exactly five minutes.

2. Cat

We are in the home stretch (I think) for round the clock tube feedings. We were told he would have a six week recovery.
Today marks four of those six weeks.
I have a progress appointment tomorrow morning to confirm we are on track, and let me tell you, we are MORE than looking forward to being done with this chapter of our lives!

3. IVF
I am more hopeful than ever that July is our month.
The month to bring better progression, response and results to our journey.
Through thick and thin (and sometimes thinner than a sliver) I truly am looking forward to starting Round 3 next week.
We don't know until we try and all the Googling in the whole world won't yield positive results.
It will only result in me going more crazy than I already am.
So bring on the next round of 30+ shots. #letsdothis
No more variables. No more maybe's. In the end, it's either a yes or a no, and it's out of my hands.
Sing it with me now...Let it go! LET IT GO!!

4. Mark
We have both officially hit our breaking points this year in terms of too much to do and not enough time to do it in. Something has to give.
Mark was by my side about a month ago when I just couldn't fathom any positive outcomes with IVF, work was insane, and then our cat got hurt.

To quote The Simpsons....we had three problems and no monies. Sigh....

It was Mark's turn this week. He takes on too much and it gets overwhelming sometimes.
Sometimes it feels like we are in over our heads...adulting becomes too hard, etc.

Life gets weird, but we'll get through it.

I guess this one wasn't exactly fun, but what I'm getting at it is...he is my rock, and I his.

5. 4th of July
Hallelujah for a LOOOONNNGGG ass weekend.
Every single day of vacation time taken this year has been used for egg retrieval recovery, and it has to stop. I am taking an extra day off from work and Mark and I are sailing off into the sunset together for the 4th.
This may very well be my last hurrah with no agenda, no limits, and no doctors telling me to lay off the booze.
Imbibe I shall!
It is the 'Merican way after all, amiright?

And with that, I'm off to relax and party my ass off!
Stay thirsty, my friends! XO