And then I exhaled

YOU GUYS!
Thank you so, so much for your kind words over the past week!
I love the excitement surrounding our big, super awesome news!
I can't believe how many hundreds, upon hundreds of people reached out in celebration!
We are DEFINITLY feeling the love around here!!

I think most everyone is in the know at this point, but if you're not, CATCH UP SILLY!
Because I'm fucking pregnant!

Anyways....so I think when normal people get knocked up, they tend to go into super-planning mode.

I mean, don't get me wrong...I have basically already set a date for my baby shower, but all the other stuff?

Daycare, labor, hospital tour, birth plans, baby names, maternity leave, whether or not I will actually ever make it to the gym again, when exactly I will stop eating popcorn for every meal, etc
....I just haven't given it any thought.

I actually don't think of much right now.
Mark is thrilled.

I have literally been pregnant for a hot second....even though we have clearly been trying for years.

You would think I should already have all this stuff figured out.

But I totally don't.

After spending SO. MUCH. TIME. trying to figure out exactly why we couldn't get pregnant in the first place, and trying to figure out how to make it happen, most specifically, this last year....
I am spent.

The second we got that voicemail that said we were VERY, VERY PREGNANT...I totally lost my ever-loving shit....and then this wave of calm washed over me.

My inner dialogue was all....duh, this is exactly how it was supposed to be. I don't know why you freaked out this whole year.

Every minute of every day since IVF became a really real thing, I was stressing out about all the little details: medication schedules and appointments and insurance coordination and statistics and phone calls and waiting, waiting, waiting........and it all came down to this ONE. PHONE CALL.

And then it was over.

I wasn't stressed anymore.
I wasn't freaking out about the next appointment.
I wasn't concerned about the next beta number.

It's weird to say that....but I'm just not. I'm not doubting myself anymore.

It worked! I'm so happy.

But I'm absolutely not beaming like I thought I would be.
At least....not all the time.

I go about my day, and when I notice another lovely symptom pop up...I definitely take note, but I'm not tracking or googling anything.

I'm just...living.

And it's pretty nice.

To be honest....I think we are both in shock that it actually worked.

After barely sliding by most days with positive-ish news, the fact that there is a wee bebe pea IN MY STOMACH....AT THIS VERY MOMENT...is kind of crazy.

Like...I am REALLY going to evacuate a baby out of my hoo-ha in 9 months.
We are REALLY going to be parents.
Life is REALLY going to change.

And while we are both clearly handling these realities in different ways, I have made a conscious effort to try and stay calm, remain in the present, and stop obsessing over the big picture right now.

It's just too much.

Any additional, un-necessary stress isn't going to help anything at this point.
This baby is coming no matter what!

My lofty goals these days are to keep cooking the baby, not pass out in my chair at work from exhaustion, and try and find a good contour that hides the fat face I'm slowly getting already.

Also sleeping well....that's HUGE at the moment. I used to make fun of Mark constantly for getting up in the middle of the night to pee....and karma has slapped me across the face with that one because I now get up at least twice.

If you have any suggestions or input about those massive preggo body pillows...I'm all ears.
Do I get one? Are they worth it? Should I just steal my husband's pillows?

Ok...this post has been random enough.
Up next....details about the days leading up to transfer!!

Thank you again for all the LOVE!! XO

I. AM. PREGNANT !!!!!

We have been keeping the BIGGEST SECRET OF ALL TIME!

I can't believe I FINALLY get to write this blog post!

After nearly FIVE. LONG. YEARS. of battling the unknowns of infertility, genetic testing, and our sanity, to see if I could actually become pregnant, we have our answer.

And that answer is YES. YES! YES! YES!

YOU GUYS.... I AM REALLY, REALLY PREGNANT!!!!

And the best part, since we did genetic testing, we know the gender.

IT'S A BOY!!!

We quietly set the wheels in motion for our final transfer in early November.

We transferred our final embryo, Lucky #3, on November 2nd.

We have been waiting for this moment since October 2012.

1,503 total days.
A 1 in 289,000,000 chance of us both being genetic carriers of MCAD.
Over $125,000 in (covered) medical claims.
$13,000 in out of pocket expenses.
18 arguments with the insurance about said medical claims.
217 injections.
200+ estrogen patches
90+ birth control or Estrace pills.
60 early morning monitoring appointments.
60 blood draws.
54 pieces of paperwork: authorizations, consents, and signatures.
3 rounds of IVF egg retrievals.
29 total eggs retrieved.
Of which 5 made it to Day-5 Blasts.
Of which 2 were genetically normal.
2 frozen transfers.
1 failure.
AND ONE SUCCESS!!!!

On Monday, November 14th, at 12dp5dt, my first blood beta result was positive at 435.
(The number should be within 100-550 on this day)

On Wednesday, November 16th, at 14dp5dt, my second beta result was 1,119!
(This number should at least double in 48 hours)

We had our first ultrasound the Wednesday before Thanksgiving that showed our beautiful itty bitty baby with a strong heartbeat.

He was measuring right on track at 5weeks and 5days.
Heart rate was 99bpm.

It was amazing to see the tiny flicker!
The tech was amazed to see the heart beating this early...our little guy is very strong!

I took my first BLAZING POSITIVE pregnancy test the afternoon of my positive beta, on an expired pregnancy test, at a dear friend's house.

Those two beautiful pink lines appeared before the urine had reached the other side of the window!!

We shared the news over Thanksgiving with family and friends!

I need to give a huge shout-out to JLaw Creations for priority shipping the cutest announcement t-shirt of all time! Seriously, check out her Etsy shop! So many adorable options!

The shirt reads "New Little Turkey on the Way."
I went with a size Medium slouchy t-shirt in case you're wondering.

It's happening.
It's REALLY happening!

I am currently just past 6 weeks pregnant and due late July!
We have a slew of milestones to get through in the coming months and we will face them head-on as they arrive.

I AM GOING TO BE A MOM!!!!

I have so many posts ready to go in the coming weeks to get everyone caught up on the details we have been keeping secret.

I am also going to start doing weekly "bumpdates" soon.
I always loved reading the week to week progress with other bloggers, and now I am finally getting my chance!

So WATCH OUT everybody.
This boy mom is going to be large and in charge soon enough!

WE'RE GOING TO BE PARENTS! GAAAHHHH!!!

Thank you all for your kind words of support this last year as we battled infertility head-on.
This one has a happy ending, and I could not be more ecstatic!!

WE BEAT INFERTILITY!!
XO

Halloween Recap

I know, I know, Halloween has come and gone and I didn't talk about it ONCE.
What's up with that?

Well, here's my recap.

Halloween is hands down my favorite Holiday.

It's when Mark and I met, which puts the icing on the cake.

I love to go to haunted houses and look around at all the detail and gore and spooky that goes into freaking people out.

I love dressing up in costume...although Mark would prefer I wear stuff that's more sexy, I would rather look much scary...think Walking Dead-style.

We have a few haunted traditions each year.

I'll be honest, I was happy that I wasn't pregnant for Halloween, and I likely never will be.
Costumes and drinking are pretty much my favorite things of all time.
#noshameinmygame

Each year, we always visit at least one haunted house.
This year we went with friends to the House of Torment, but not before downing some beers at a local dive bar.

Then there's the pizza joint down the road from our house. It has a really old basement that they completely over-decorate for the holidays...and Halloween is no exception.

Pretend you grandma, who is hard of seeing, and has a certain knack for piling on the decorations, owned a bar and did it up to her liking....that is exactly what this place looks like.

While we never visit over the summer, you can guarantee we will be seated among the decorations at least a few times over the winter....it's not like there is much else to do!

Right now, I have no reason to bust out of work early to take my own brood door-to-door on this festive day, but it doesn't stop us from decorating our golf cart and taking it for a spin.

We don't get any trick-or-treaters to our home so we bring the candy to them!!

And let's not forget the movies.
Each weekend, I tried to fit in at least one.

Hocus Pocus, The Great Pumpkin, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Ghostbusters (the original), Edward Scissorhands, Beetlejuice, etc.

Call me a dork but I really like the cartoon ones (and Tim Burton, apparently!)

After our jaunt in the golf cart, we settled in for some spicy chicken soup and Poltergeist.

Finally, I didn't go overboard with the decorations this year, but did manage to fill the home with some spooky features!!

I'll be packing everything up this weekend, but Halloween is the best part of Fall, hands down.

Until next year, spooks! XO