New Routine

I spent the day of the lay-off texting and talking with co-workers and wrapping my head around what just happened. I am a rather emotional person, and unfortunately when I get really angry I tend to cry. It's not my most professional trait, and I tried to keep it together and not really focus on what HR was saying and the hand I had been dealt. Being laid off for lack of work doesn't mean you did anything wrong, but you do still feel like a failure, regardless of the situation.

I have been battling between whether I care or not.
I care because, well, I care. I did care about that company and I did love my job. If you had asked me at this point last year, how long I planned to stay, I honestly thought I would be there until the company was no longer. But hell, what do I know.
And then things changed. Although I tried to plead my case and stay visible, it was a struggle realizing I was being pushed aside because there were shiny new distractions. I was old news. And I didn't align with the newer vision of the company. I wanted the old company. So I pulled back when I felt like it wasn't worth fighting for anymore.

True to form, I didn't just lay down and die. I am pretty sure they tried to let me go in February, but I got the chance to step back into part of my old role for a couple months when a shiny new person left abruptly. I was able to do what I do best, find an issue and solve it.  There was still an internal struggle. I didn't love what I was doing and who I was now working for, but the money was good and our home goals were always in the back of my mind. I figured I would just stick it out as long as they would allow. Turns out that was two more months.

Things are a bit different these days.
Instead of jumping out of bed at 5am to workout, rushing to get ready and out the door by 6:48am, rushing to here, rushing to there, I have a bit more free time.
I think it's important to make sure I keep a solid routine each day for a multitude of reasons. First and foremost, I do actually need to get employed again. As lovely as it is to have a bit of cushion between severance and unemployment pay, keeping as minimal of a gap between jobs looks better on my resume.

Each day my goal is to do three major things: Work out, hunt for jobs, and knock out a project at home.
Mark is up at 5:30am so I decided I will still get up between 6-6:30am and go to the gym. Now I get to stay longer than 30 minutes and maybe I'll start seeing faster results from all the lifting.
Edited to say: 6:30am is a joke. I have been "trying" to do that since Saturday...and by trying, I mean I just wake up when I want to ....which is really more like 7:30-8am.

I have three, yes three, head hunters working for me. The more balls in my court, the better. (twss)
I updated my Linkedin profile and will spend a good hour or two each day searching and applying for jobs on my own.

Finding my next job has been a bit of a struggle as well.
I am trying to find the golden ticket in terms of a career.

I want less of a commute (under an hour) but suburban jobs historically pay less than Chicago jobs.
I want to make the most money possible but don't want to work insane hours.
I want amazingly cheap benefits.
I want flexibility with working hours and dress code.
I want to feel like my voice is heard in a company that isn't boring.
I would like to stay somewhere long term. This whole jumping around every couple of years is exhausting.
And duh, I need something that accepts pregnant ladies and moms (this one isn't off the table)

Does this job even exist?
Am I asking too much?

I really, really want to be home more as opposed to commuting, but taking a hefty pay cut makes my head spin. We have renovations and purchases and baby junk in the future and I just don't know how to make it all happen and still be happy.
And I have just realized how whiny this all sounds. I have no problem diving into something amazing and spending more time at it, but it has to be WORTH IT. I want that passion back. That drive. That eagerness that makes rushing everywhere and sacrificing daylight hours WORTH IT.

Phew! One day at a time.
Thanks for reading.