The haps

As my Papa used to say, "What's the haps, paps?"
Well, a lot and not a whole lot, all at once.

I need to preface this post with a quick PA.
Bloglovin' finally got their ever loving shit together and moved my domain over to the oldie-but-goodie free one so all you lovely followers can start reading again.
If you out of the loop, I'm back....HI! THIS is why I started blogging again, and the other posts from last week are HERE and HERE.

Moving on.
My first full, official week out of work was spent over hauling our disgusting house. I was so stressed out for the last four months between how much anxiety there was at work, the constant feeling I was going to be let go, and worry about needing to find a job, ANY JOB, before that happened, that I guess I just went blind to how gross this place was.
Well life took over and cleared out the clutter, so to speak.
I must admit, I am not cut out to be a housewife. I promise I am not bashing those that are, but the fact of the matter is, for me, I am only familiar with accomplishing great things in a corporate setting and seeing the end reward (my paycheck).
I have no kids, and when my bulldogs are not running around flinging drool onto the walls, they are sleeping or rolling their hairballs into the carpet.
I clean up puke all day every day.
Small spots that are all over the wall never seem to quite clean out, and I swear my house always smells a bit funky.
And it's not like I can just open a fucking window because it's 20 degrees outside.

Mentally, this break has been good so far. Prior to leaving work, I had been debating what my goals should be with working itself.
Do I want a smaller paycheck if it means reducing my commute time from 1.5 hours to 30 minutes one way?
Can we afford to live with less income?
How will we reach our goals in the next couple of years?
Am I mentally ready to "throw in the towel" and stop ladder climbing?

A bit of a back story about my professional life. I have a BA in Interior Architecture and thought my dream was to be some hot-shot designer creating funky nightclubs and what not.
Um, it wasn't.
I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but it sure as hell wasn't picking fabrics for a color board to give to clients that didn't have any money to actually do the work they wanted.
So then I moved into furniture sales....because ultimately I thought I wanted to be an outside sales rep. You make tons of money and just have to talk to people, right?
Wrong. Being a showroom manager made me realize just how disgustingly fake that industry is.
I cannot morally bullshit people on a daily basis. It hurt my chee....maaaannn.
Well as luck would have it the recession was in full swing and I ended up getting laid off at that job just before Christmas.
Mark proposed a week later and the rest was history.
Just kidding....I had to get another job. So I landed a Project Management job for a construction start-up. Everything was fine until it wasn't. I made more money than I had before, but the hours were exhausting and as our budget got out of control and we struggled to make ends meet, I saw the dark side of my boss. I was there less than a year before I knew I needed something unique with more stability, a bigger paycheck and better benefits.
Enter my most recent job. At a technology software company. Weird right? But it totally fit with...me.
I am a band geek and nerd at heart, even though I love Class rock and kicking ass...ha!
I was there for four years and loved 3 3/4 of those years. I learned a lot, progressed my career, made some amazing friends and collaborating on some amazing projects, but alas, the company is making a major overhaul and I'm not thrilled with the way it's going. Most people aren't.
Okay, maybe that wasn't "a bit", but you get it.

So, I had an interview last week. I actually think I bombed it because it felt like I had been arrested and was being interrogated. I applied online a couple weeks prior, and finally got an email to schedule a phone screen. The phone screen went great with "good cop." Good cop thought I would be perfect and this whole process would be pie. So I land an in-office interview and meet with my future boss, good cop, and bad cop. Bad cop does most of the talking. He is the lead talent acquisition manager for the company and he is hard. core. We dive into the nitty gritty of my last few jobs and I sweat bullets for 90 minutes. I would like to think my quick wit and creativity won them over but who the hell knows. I am trying to impress them with my brains and beauty, but my Italian mannerisms take over and I notice my arms are flailing around wildly...to drive my point home, I'm sure. My neck is burning and my collar is getting itchy. Why can't I just chill the F out? Can they tell I am as sweaty as I feel? 

I got to delve into my own questions and get to finally connect with my future boss. He is a very humbled, well rounded guy and it lets me breathe a sigh of relief. We end on a "hard stop" as bad cop put it, shake hands, and then leave the office. Good cop offers to give me an office tour and discusses their benefits along the way.

Guys, this office is amazing. (and so are their benefits) It's like everything my prior company WANTED to be but these guys are already doing it, and doing it, and doing it well.
I guess I didn't realize just how big of a deal this company is. I manage to run into my future boss again and I excitedly tell him how great it was to meet him.
But then I get bummed out. What if I did bomb and don't get called back?
(Oh yea...if I am still in the running, I have to go back in and do another, longer interview with up to six additional people for more hours, and THEN you get the offer.)
So now I'm at home googling my magic 8 ball for answers to my interview questions.
How to tell if you nailed an interview?
How do tell if you bombed?
Does an office tour mean they liked you?

It's the EXACT. SAME. THING. I did when googling pregnancy symptoms.
I just need to have patience. But this could be good. Really good. I think.

And a fire has been lit up my ass. Like, if I get THIS job vs. a suburban job, I actually see myself moving up in the company. Getting a promotion, a bigger title, (mo' money!)
It would be more work than I have ever put in for a company, but I am sure it would be worth it.
And the cycle of questioning continues.
We shall see, my friends, we shall see.