It's a process

Happy Friday loves,
First, I wanted to thank all of the lovely people in my life who have graciously donated their hard earned dollars to help us achieve our dreams of becoming parents.
I never, in my wildest dreams, ever thought we would have to go the route of IVF because of a genetic disorder. Hell, I never thought we would have to go through IVF, but yet, here we are.

The website, for those interested in reading, is gofundme.com/OurIVFbaby.
There is also a link in my sidebar.

It is just amazing, and humbling, to see our friends and family (and friends I have never actually met in real life) want to step in and help. I no longer feel like I am bearing the burden of this journey by myself, and instead, those around me are willing to connect and support us.
I guess we kind of always felt like we shouldn't let others in, that we should keep this more of a private struggle. I think a lot of people do; silently struggle with major issues in theirs lives, for fear that others will judge them for not having everything worked out, that they are a little damaged.
Something this big in my life can't be hidden. It's the reason we have to save money, and make smart decisions, and plan and budget...and most of all....hope.
Hope that it is all worth it and the outcome with our treatments will be what we want; a beautiful, healthy baby that will thrive in this world.

A match made in genetic hell

Just when we thought there couldn't possibly be more developments to our TTC journey, we were hit with another.....rather remarkably large....curveball.

I got my genetic results back.
Mark and I are BOTH carriers of MCAD.
I am thinking we should go buy lottery tickets considering the odds of this happening.

Now, apparently since we are both of Northern European descent (who knew?) it is rather common to be a carrier.
1 in 70, actually.
That's like putting 140 people in a room and picking us both to have a mutation.
I always knew we were perfect for each other but this is on a whole other level.
Unfortunately, it's not a good level.

Four more cycles

The Sheryl Crow lyrics "everyday is a winding road" seem to sum up our current TTC situation.
Every day is different.
Every day is a new development in the grand plan.
Every day has a new set of strides or disappointments.

And sometimes all of that happens in one day.

Track the Tank Giveaway: what motivates you?

The time has come for all you fitness buffs to enter for a chance to win this fun little tank top!
This tank started as an idea between myself and Candra from Camo & Lipstick and has since then traveled all over the world to over 20 bloggers.

worth the risk

We got the results of Mark's genetic screen back this week just before I was scheduled for my baseline ultrasound.
The nurse called Tuesday and politely told me that we would need to cancel the cycle because Mark is a carrier of a mutation and now I will need to be tested to ensure we are not a match.
My ultrasound was scheduled for Wednesday.
She suggested I come in instead and get the blood work going for my test and we'll pick up next month.
My immediate reaction was to tear up and get sad, so I got off the phone and reviewed his results.

The disorder is called MCAD.
From the NIH:

What is MCAD deficiency?

Medium-chain acyl-CoA dehydrogenase (MCAD) deficiency is a condition that prevents the body from converting certain fats to energy, particularly during periods without food (fasting).

Signs and symptoms of MCAD deficiency typically appear during infancy or early childhood and can include vomiting, lack of energy (lethargy), and low blood sugar (hypoglycemia). In rare cases, symptoms of this disorder first appear during adulthood. People with MCAD deficiency are at risk for serious complications such as seizures, breathing difficulties, liver problems, brain damage, coma, and sudden death.

Problems related to MCAD deficiency can be triggered by periods of fasting or by illnesses such as viral infections. This disorder is sometimes mistaken for Reye syndrome, a severe disorder that may develop in children while they appear to be recovering from viral infections such as chicken pox or flu. Most cases of Reye syndrome are associated with the use of aspirin during these viral infections.

How common is MCAD deficiency?

In the United States, the estimated incidence of MCAD deficiency is 1 in 17,000 people. The condition is more common among individuals of northern European ancestry.

As he is a carrier, it doesn't mean he has the mutation. It's a recessive trait that could potentially be passed down to a child if I were to be a carrier as well.

Making it about me

Good morning loves,
I hope everyone had an eventful, yet restful holiday season. 
I took the time to refocus on the numba' one stunna'....me.

See, amidst all of the emotions that goes along with infertility and treatments and insurance and all that, I managed to get this wonky head problem. There was a patch on the top of my head, that made almost a direct line from my hair line to the crown of my head, that was insanely tender to the touch.
I thought, at first, I had had one too many tight ponytails or top knots that threw off my game and pulled my hair too much, causing the soreness.
But it didn't go away for weeks.
It started about a week before Christmas, and thankfully subsided by New Year's Day.
After hitting up all the usual Google antidotes and ruling out a tumor, fibromyalgia, psoriasis, shingles, and swollen lymph nodes...I finally found a few forums that talked about how anxiety can cause the muscles in your head to tense up to the point of a consistent, tender, dull ache.

And to be honest, at that point I honestly thought I felt fine.
Cool as a cucumber.
But apparently I was wrong.
The tension from anxiety can last for a long time after the episode takes place....days, weeks, even months.
And since I am not really one to take a bunch of meds to fix the problem, I took it upon myself to fix it.
Fix me.