we are going granola....kinda

First up, how awesome is my spooky Halloween header up top?

Another fun example would be She's A Jewell. Go check out those pumpkins!

Halloween blog headers are only $5 from my Etsy Shop this month with code THRILLER.

Have you purchased yours yet?

Thank you for all the feedback regarding the Promote the Love link-up idea. We will be doing it at least once a month. I have already added the button to my sidebar for easy access when it's time to link-up. Details to follow! I can't wait to hear about everyone else's blog loves in life!!

OK, onto the real post.
I have been doing a bit of soul searching.
Trying to find answers.
I'm frustrated. I'm confused. I'm trying to find hope.

Three rounds of Clomid down the tubes....or out the tubes, however you want to look at it.
And I have nothing to show for it besides a heavier mid-section.
The good news with taking the drugs thus far is that my progesterone levels went up, which is needed to be able to sustain a pregnancy if it were to happen.
Pre-medicated I was at a 7.4 on Day 21
The first Clomid cycle wasn't monitored.
Second: 15.8
Third: 20.2

My doc's nurse called after my last draw and seemed very optimistic. Her voice was almost sing-songy.
"Call us when you miss your period."
Wow. A smile broadened across my face. This could really be it.
But then I got myself in check.
Tia, you don't feel any different. In fact, you feel less symptoms now than before.
But maybe that's a symptom!
I tell Mark and he is hopeful but equally cautious.
He tells me to just wait and don't go off the deep end, either way, with emotions.
He hates seeing me on this roller coaster of hope then despair, month after month.

And guess what? Nothing happened.
My period came right on time, on day 25, just like the last 3 cycles.
Did I cry? Yes. For five minutes.
And then I got angry.
And then I resolved to just move forward. No need in dwelling on a failure. I have literally been to this rodeo every month for two years. It's nothing new.

And I have yet to call my doctor.
I know that I could probably convince her to keep me on Clomid for a couple more cycles, but her first piece of information was that I get three and I move onto a fertility specialist.
She did indicate that she would allow more cycles, but regardless, I am taking a month off from medication.
Even if I start right back up next month. I need a mini-break from the pills.
And yes, I tracked my days, and drank a beer here and there during the week, and kind of stressed out the last few days of my cycle...all the things I said I wouldn't do. I did them, kind of.
I can't help it.

I called another doctor. And set up a consultation. It couldn't hurt to get a second opinion and I keep saying that I am not entirely happy with my current doc so what harm is there?

Last night I broke down finally after I frazzled myself with endless online research. Debating different methods, stressing out about time frames, etc.

I have always added guidelines and stipulations to getting pregnant:
- We can only have a baby in the spring/summer
- We can only try X for 6 months
- We will not do IVF or seek further treatment outside of pills
- I WILL have a baby by 30, and then it was 31, and now it may be 32, but really it could be 35.

And guess what? You can't have these types of plans.
I am sure God is just laughing at my lists and research and planning.

Mark keeps saying that it would be really nice if we could just try really hard every month and be genuinely surprised that it finally worked. Millions of couples don't let it be the focus of every month and it seems to work for them.
And to be honest, we aren't broken. Yes, Mark has a borderline morphology issue, but that doesn't mean it can't happen. All the reports and statistics I have read only say that it will just take longer
:shocking:
And yes, I have lower progesterone. Does this mean I can't get pregnant or that I'm not ovulating?
Nope. I am and I will....eventually.  I finally busted out my granola tactics and we have a new game plan.
Just go with the flow.
There are ways to raise progesterone naturally, by eating the right foods and taking the right supplements.  I have a bottle of Fertilaid at my disposal that contains fantastic progesterone enhancing and hormone balancing ingredients like Zinc, B6, Vitamin C, and Vitex.
It can't hurt to change it up a little. And it won't hurt my body or make me insanely bloated, angry, hot, or gain weight like Clomid did.

I can't put a timeframe on this. I mean, I could, but I will end up in IVF territory faster than you can blink an eye. And we aren't at that point yet. I'm not at the end of my fertile rope in both age or energy, so there is no use forcing something that I just know will happen.

I keep reading blogs like this birth story, and find myself tearing up. Not because her story sounds incredibly painful....but because it was all worth it.

We will get there, and it will all be worth it.